


Dangerous

by LoganTheAnimal



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Happy Ending, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2018-08-28 14:54:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 65,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8450719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoganTheAnimal/pseuds/LoganTheAnimal
Summary: A series of quickshots based in the games, although I toyed with the timelines a little.  There isn't going to be much word-for-word from the games; I'm writing this as if it were a novel or show, and a lot of game elements won't be there.  A significant portion of this deals with the relationship between FemShep and Liara throughout all three games.  My work on the post-ME3 will be totally separate.  Military perspective (somehow I don't think much will change about military decorum in two centuries, with the distinct exception of women being much more flexible in combat roles).  Titles unabashedly ripped from songs by Shinedown.  Certain elements inspired by the good work by sniderde92.This is my first ever fan fiction.  All feedback is welcome.





	1. Living Through The Ghost

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Quick Shots](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1502369) by [Desert Sunrise (sniderde92)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sniderde92/pseuds/Desert%20Sunrise). 
  * Inspired by [Now And Then](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087495) by [RaeDMagdon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeDMagdon/pseuds/RaeDMagdon). 



**Chapter One**

 

Chapter notes

Liara learns a little more about Commander Shepard's recent past.

 

"Good morning, Liara," yawned Garrus.  The big Turian stretched widely as Liara T'Soni sat down at the table with her breakfast and a bottle of water.

"Good morning, Garrus," Liara smiled.  She visually swept the mess hall again.  "Where's the Commander this morning?"

Ashley Williams and Kaidan Alenko, both human, exchanged a knowing glance.  Ashley grinned, the act completely lost on the shy Asari.

"She's planet-side," Joker, the pilot, replied.  For once he wasn't being sarcastic.

Liara looked around.  Ash, Kaidan, Garrus, Tali, even Wrex were all accounted for.  "By herself?"

"Today is, ah...well..." Kaidan began.  He seemed unsure whether to answer.

"It's the anniversary of the Skyllian Blitz," Ashley finally said.  "The Skipper lost her entire unit in the battle.  Batarian mercenaries and slavers attacked the colonies at Elysium and the only ground defense was a handful of Alliance Navy and Marines, including the Commander's unit.  They were on shore leave and had no armor or weapons.  Had to scavenge from the bodies of the mercs.  In the end, she barely escaped with her life, had to be dragged off the battlefield.  Those scars on her face?  Yeah."

Liara had always wondered where those scars had come from.  The new revelation settled in the pit of her stomach like a rock.

"Right now she's at a big memorial with the families of the fallen sailors and marines," Joker added.  "She'll be gone most of the day.  Probably not a good day for tea."

Joker had referenced their evening ritual of what Shepard referred to as "cuppa", the Irish version of tea time.  Liara felt more concern than disappointment.

"We, however, are going to take advantage of this," Garrus interjected.  "We've been invited by the good lieutenant here -" he nodded at Kaidan - "to join him at the N7 training facility and range so we can give you some real tactical training."

Liara smiled brightly.  "That sounds like fun!" she said.  "It would be nice to be able to contribute.  I feel like I've been a drain on the entire crew."

"But you've been helping Doctor Chakwas," Tali finally joined the conversation.  "You're not a drain on anyone!"

Ashley snorted derisively as she got up.  Joker stifled a grin.

As soon as Ashley was out of earshot, Liara asked an innocent question.  "Have I offended Chief Williams?"

Kaidan shook his head apologetically.  "No, Doctor T'Soni.  You haven't said or done anything wrong."

"The Chief isn't very...ah...appreciative of the diversity," Garrus intoned.

"I'm gonna go get ready," Kaidan said as he rose from the table.  "Meet me in the cargo bay in an hour?"

Garrus and Liara both nodded.  Joker got up as well, limping hurriedly after the Lieutenant.

"Does she really think we don't know how bad she's crushing on Shepard?" Joker chuckled.  "Somebody has got to-"

"Shhh!"  Kaidan shushed him.  They both stopped mid-stride, just around the corner from the galley.

"Joker, I swear to god, if you say one word to that poor girl, I will personally deck your ass!"  Kaidan warned.  He pushed past the ginger-haired pilot, continuing his trek to the lower level.

"Really, Alenko?"  Joker called after him.  "You'd hit a cripple?"

"I mean it, Joker!"  Kaidan called back.

 

*     *     *

 

Hours of training and hundreds of rounds of ammunition later, Liara, Garrus, and Kaidan returned to the Normandy.  They were deep in conversation about the value of "spray and pray" as they disembarked from the Alliance shuttle and came through the airlock.

"Hey, perfect timing!"  came Joker's voice from the cockpit.  "The Commander just walked in a few minutes ago!"

In a split second, Liara's attention was elsewhere.  "Thank you both for the training session," she said, having mentally checked out of the conversation.  "it is much easier to train with proper facilities!"

She turned and walked toward the stairs to the lower decks.  Kaidan shot a glare at Joker, who chuckled mischievously from his seat.  Garrus shook his head and ambled toward the lift, Kaidan in tow.

"Shepard is 'crushing' on Doctor T'Soni just as much, you know," Garrus had waited until they were in the closed lift before speaking his mind.

"Oh, shit," Kaidan breathed.  "Please tell me you guys did not hear us this morning..."

"Every word," Garrus replied flatly.  "Liara is too nervous to let on."

"Dammit, Joker," Kaidan muttered.

"Think about it, Alenko," Garrus said, waiting for the lift doors to open before taking a single step out onto the deck.  "They'd be perfect for each other.  If they could ever figure out how to actually talk about it, at least."

"That's exactly it," Kaidan retorted.  "Liara is too polite.  She's too innocent and too scared.  The Commander is too honorable - she's afraid she'd be taking advantage of her."

"Don't worry," Garrus chuckled at the human.  "It'll work out."

As he came back up the lift and exited on the Crew deck, Kaiden noticed Liara walking back into the medbay with Dr. Chakwas.  He wondered what the conversation was about.

*     *     *

 

"I'm curious," Dr. Chakwas began, "how much do you know about romance between humans and Asari?"

Liara blushed furiously.  "Um...nothing, actually.  Why do you ask?"

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Liara," Dr. Chakwas said, "but I've noticed your growing fondness for Commander Shepard."

Liara all but panicked.  "What?  No!  No, I'm not -"

Dr. Chakwas leaned into her hand, elbow on the desk, a grin of pure amusement on her face.

"Oh..." Liara stopped suddenly.  "Is it that obvious?"

"So much so that I can tell this is, quite likely, your first serious crush," Dr. Chakwas replied.

A blue hand went to her forehead in frustration, then to her mouth in shock.  "Oh...oh, no - does Shepard know?"

Dr. Chakwas laughed lightly.  "Calm down, dear.  If she does, then she's not said a word to me."

"But what if she does?"  Liara stammered.  She spoke faster as she went.  "I mean, how would I explain this?  I've never fallen in love with anyone before, and this is totally inappropriate -"

"Sshhh," Dr. Chakwas tried to get the increasingly anxious Asari under control.  Her smile went from amusing to comforting.  She took Liara's hands and held them down on the desk to stop the gesturing.  "Liara, take a breath. 

"Honestly, the Commander is highly intelligent, so it is very possible that she knows.  The only thing that would be inappropriate would be certain reactions to it on your part.  Panic is not going to help.  Really, if she knows, I'm certain that she'd be flattered.

"I need to talk to you, though, about something important, and I get the feeling I'll need to have this discussion with her as well.  Humans are, emotionally, very sensitive creatures.  Two centuries ago, Oxford University - where I studied medicine - discovered that humans react neurochemically to love the same way we do to illicit drugs.  A human in love will show the same brain activity as one taking cocaine.  The flip side of that is that losing that love is as devastating as an opiate addict in withdrawals.

"And that is just with other humans," Dr. Chakwas paused for effect.  "The Asari bonding process is much stronger.  Humans left by their Asari bondmates tend to fall into a deep, very despondent depression.  Many end up committing suicide.  The way that Asari bond on the spiritual level is that powerful.  I have seen soldiers whom I believed to be quite strong mentally end their own lives when their Asari lovers severed that connection."

A mixture of horror and dejection crossed Liara's features.  "So...I shouldn't try to..."

"No, no, Liara, that's not my point at all," Dr. Chakwas stopped her again.  "I just want you to be aware of the realities.  She's a soldier.  What she does is dangerous.  It will be hard for you to watch her get hurt.  Eventually, you may consider leaving so that you don't have to watch her leave repeatedly.  I'm not saying for one moment that it's not worth it to love her; just that it will not be easy.  I don't want to see you blindsided by anything."

Liara was quiet and pensive for a moment.  It had become increasingly difficult for her to keep her feelings buried, no matter how inappropriate she ultimately believed her feelings to be.  She was worried that not only would Shepard discover her feelings from rumors among the crew, but that she would end their friendship if the feelings were ever to be confirmed. 

"I understand you were told what today is," Dr. Chakwas said, interrupting her thoughts.

Liara nodded.

"Would I be correct in assuming that you were on your way to check on her?"

Liara nodded.

"Go," Dr. Chakwas said.  "She could use a friend.  She'll never open up to the crew."

Liara quietly rose and left the medbay.  She crossed the mess hall and galley and stood in front of Shepard's door, nervous about walking in.  She waved her hand in front of the pressure pad, asking the occupant for permission to come in.

"Enter," came the reply, and the door opened automatically.

The lights in the cabin had been heavily dimmed.  Shepard sat on the sofa on the far right of the room, nursing a glass of Scotch.  Her dress blues were neatly laid on the bed; she had donned her N7 sweats in their place.  She had returned with no further plans to interact with anyone.

She looked up at Liara and flashed a slight, albeit warm, smile.  "Hi, Liara."

"Hello, Shepard," Liara smiled sweetly.  "Is this a bad time?"

"Not at all," Shepard replied.  "Come in.  Make yourself comfortable."

As Liara sat on the sofa next to her, Shepard continued, "I would offer you some Scotch, but I don't think it would agree with you."

"The aroma tells me that you are likely correct," Liara replied, an amused tinge to her tone.

Shepard set the glass on the end table to her right.  "I apologize.  It is pretty overwhelming if you're not used to it."  She sighed heavily.  "So...did Karin send you over here?"

"Yes," Liara replied.  She immediately realized her mistake and hurriedly spoke again.  "I mean...no!  No, I asked her whether I should come to see you, and she...um...encouraged it."

Shepard laughed.

"Why is that funny?"  Liara asked, her embarrassed expression slowly curling into a smile.

"It's just - the way you get flustered when you say something you didn't mean to," Shepard replied.  "It's adorable."

Liara smiled bashfully.  She noticed that Shepard was blushing, which both surprised and endeared her.

Shepard's expression suddenly grew serious.  "I'm sorry, Liara, I -"

Liara reached over and took Shepard's hand.  She was elated when Shepard accepted the gesture.

Shepard was not very feminine; her thick blond locks were worn somewhat short, with enough length to let it flow in a breeze.  It fell in layers to the right side of her face.  A series of scars ran across her face, the largest of them stretching diagonally from her left eyebrow, across her nose, and down her right cheek.  As rough as she appeared to the casual observer, however, she was not very masculine, either.  She was the most unique individual Liara had ever happened upon.  She was a soldier in battle and a leader aboard the ship.  Liara was learning that despite a certain hard edge drilled into her by the military, she was also capable of being very kind and caring.

"I apologize," Shepard finally said.  "I should be more careful about what I say."  _That was the alcohol, you twit,_ she chastised herself.

"You paid me a lovely compliment," Liara replied.  "You have nothing to apologize for."

Shepard stared at her lap, a sad smile playing at the corners of her lips.

"Not long ago you explained to me the importance of military decorum in your role as a commanding officer," Liara said.  "Shortly afterward you asked me not to address you by your rank because I am not sworn to the Alliance military."

"That I did," Shepard nodded.

"Does the distance that you keep from your crew have anything to do with that decorum?"

Shepard thought before speaking.  "I need to keep a certain professional distance from my crew," she replied.  "It's one thing to shoot the shit over chow.  I cannot, however, confide in them."

"Why not?"  Liara asked.

"It shows my faults and weaknesses," Shepard replied.  "My crew needs to have unwavering faith in me.  If they see me struggle mentally or emotionally, they lose a little of that faith.  Once that happens, they question the mission, question themselves - and that's when they get killed."

"That's quite a burden for one soul to carry," Liara said, her face displaying deep concern.  "It sounds incredibly lonely."

"it is but one of the many requirements of my rank," Shepard sighed.

"Do you blame yourself for what happened to your unit on Elysium?"  Liara continued.

Shepard seemed momentarily stunned by the question, but she recovered quickly.  "Blame?  No.  I know that I couldn't have done more than I did.  We were a practically unarmed and badly outnumbered group facing overwhelming force.  If anything, I feel survivor's guilt."

"You feel that you should have died with your men," Liara clarified.  She had heard of the phenomenon before.

Shepard nodded silently.

"That is the most heartbreaking admission I have ever heard from anyone," Liara said quietly. 

"Every soldier who survives an event like that feels it," Shepard said, turning her head to look at Liara.  "That is especially true of lone survivors."

Liara leaned forward and gathered Shepard into her arms, then leaned back toward the arm of the sofa so that she was cradling the Commander.  Shepard gratefully leaned into the Asari.  Liara rested her cheek on top of Shepard's head, noticing that her hair was soft and warm - and it smelled inviting.  She had been nervous to initiate this kind of contact with the woman, but after two melds and countless hours of varying degrees of discussion ranging from personal to professional, Liara felt it appropriate to show support in any way she could.

"I cannot imagine what it must be like to look back on this every year," Liara softly intoned.  "I do know that I am thankful that you survived.  Without you, I may never have been rescued.  Now that I'm getting to know you, I can't picture my life without you in it.

"I've seen the loyalty that you inspire in your crew.  It takes an incredible kind of strength and grace to command that level of respect from others.  You are so much more than a soldier, Shepard.  You are an amazing, beautiful person, and every one of us would be lesser if we'd never known you.  So when you feel that guilt, remember that you've more than made up for it."

Shepard shook with tears that she'd fought all day to control.  "Thank you, Liara."

Liara held her tightly.  "I will always be here for you."


	2. If You Only Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard attempts to help Liara cope with the death of her mother.

Chapter Two

 

"Mother, stop!"

Liara looked on helplessly as Shepard was pinned to the wall by the most powerful biotic field she'd ever seen.  So powerful that Shepard writhed in pain as her armor crumpled under the pressure.  After fighting off half a dozen Asari commandos, Liara's mother was going to be the one who finished them off.

"Mother, please," Liara begged, tears in her eyes.  She strode to Benezia with almost no fear.  "I love her!"

Something suddenly changed in Benezia's eyes; she dropped her biotics and stared at her hands before looking up at Liara.

"Liara..." Benezia whispered, turning to her daughter.  Her countenance had changed.  It was as if she were fighting a force unseen; the angry glare had been replaced by the gentleness that Liara remembered from her childhood.  "Listen carefully.  Saren's voice still whispers in my mind.  I can fight him briefly, but...the indoctrination is strong."

"Mother, is that really you?"  Liara asked hopefully.

"I sealed a part of my mind from Saren to save it for a moment when I could help destroy him," Benezia replied.  "I fear it will not last long."

"So you could...turn on us again?"  Shepard choked, struggling to get to her feet.

"Yes, but not because I will it, Shepard," Benezia said, a sad smile crossing her pained features.  "People...change around Saren.  They would do anything for him.  The key is his flagship - Sovereign.  The Geth did not build it, its technology is far more advanced than any known species.  The longer you are on board, the more sense Saren makes to you.  I thought I was strong enough to resist.  Instead I became a willing tool, eager to serve."

"How did you end up here?"  Liara asked.

"Saren sent me to find the location of the Mu Relay," Benezia replied.  "The Rachni queen is the only living creature who knew where the relay came to rest after its star went supernova.  I took it from her mind.  I was not gentle."

"Why does Saren need the Mu Relay?"  Shepard gasped.  Liara could hear the pain in her voice.  Shepard was badly injured.

"He believes it will lead him to the Conduit," Benezia replied.

"You can still make this right," Shepard said, stepping forward.  "I need any information -"

Benezia handed a small disk to Liara.  "I transcribed everything to this OSD.  You have to hurry.  I transmitted the coordinates to Saren before you arrived.  You have to stop me!  I can't..."

"Mother," Liara pleaded, watching her mother's face twist in agony again.  "You are stronger than Saren.  Fight him!"

Benezia looked up with that sad, pained smile again.  "You've always made me proud, Liara."

In the next moment, Benezia's features turned dark again.  "Die," she hissed, her biotics swirling back to life.

Instinctively, Shepard raised her pistol and fired a single shot.  It caught Benezia in the chest.  She stumbled backwards into the wall and slid to the floor.  The muffled cry that escaped from Liara's throat was like a knife through Shepard's heart.

Liara knelt next to Benezia and held up her head.  "Hold on," she implored.  "We can get you help -"

"No," Benezia sighed in resignation.  "I will never be myself again.  Saren is still in my mind.  Goodnight, Little Wing.  I will see you again with the dawn."  She looked past Liara, as if desperately searching the room for something unseen.  Without another word, the spark of life left her eyes.

"Shepard to Normandy.  We need evac from Peak Fifteen.  Send a four-man retrieval team."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard sat stock-straight; her armor had been crushed into her torso and it was difficult to breathe.  She refused to ask for help yet, though.  The Asari who had just confessed that she loved her now sat curled in a corner on the shuttle, silent.  Shepard had killed her mother.  Though she knew there had been no way around it, she still felt it was a cruel way to repay Liara's affection.

The shuttle shuddered to a landing inside the cargo bay and fell silent.  Without a word, Shepard picked Liara up and carried her to the lift.  She never set her down; even when the lift took forever to reach the crew deck, Shepard swallowed her own pain.  The walk was grueling, but right now it was the only comfort she could offer.

She strode through the medbay and into the lab that had become Liara's quarters, then laid her on the cot situated against the rear bulkhead. 

"I'll be right outside," Shepard said softly as she pulled a blanket over her friend.  "Doctor Chakwas will want to check on you shortly."

"Shepard, you're hurt," Liara said, laying her hand over Shepard's.

"I'll survive," Shepard replied, bending foward to kiss her hand.  She stood stiffly and walked back out to the medbay.  She forced herself to stay on her feet until she heard the door shut behind her.

"Commander?"  Dr. Chakwas said cautiously.  She intuitively knew something was wrong.  "Kaiden -"

He was there in the blink of an eye.  Shepard hit her knees with a sharp crack as her greaves broke the fall.

She fumbled with the release buttons on her armor but couldn't reach them.  "Get this off me!"  She gasped.

Kaiden was able to hit one release, but the other wouldn't budge.  Dr. Chakwas ripped it apart, startling both soldiers.  Shepard gulped air but stopped short and gripped her ribs.  It felt like she'd been beaten with the stock of a Graal shotgun wielded by a Krogan.

"Let's get her on the bed," Dr. Chakwas said.  Shepard did what she could to help, but now that she'd given in her legs felt like rubber.  Once there, Dr. Chakwas cut away Shepard's compression shirt to reveal her ribcage.  Everything was deeply bruised and swollen.  A couple of slow waves of her omni-tool revealed the damage.

"Every single one of your ribs is, at the very least, cracked.  Several are broken," Dr. Chakwas reported.  "You need rest, and badly.  I don't see any major organ damage...but you should not move from this bed for the forseeable future.  I'm going to give you a cocktail of drugs.  They'll knock you on your ass, but if I don't, your blood pressure will hit the roof."

"Take care of Liara," Shepard implored.

Dr. Chakwas hesitated.  "I promise, Commander."

Within seconds, Shepard was out.

 

*     *     *

 

"You're saying that Matriarch Benezia did not willingly aid Saren?"  The Asari councilor repeated, simplifying the news she'd been given.

"She did not, Councilor Tevos," Shepard replied.  She was weak, tired, and in pain, but as the commander this was a conversation she had to have.  "She fought his control to her last breath."

Tevos sighed deeply.  "I appreciate your candor.  This significantly changes things."

"We do have her remains on board," Shepard said, taking slow, measured breaths.  "I had not yet spoken with Doctor T'Soni about it, but I assume the Matriarchs will want her to be returned to Thessia."

"You assume correctly, Commander," Tevos replied.  "Doctor T'Soni will be familiar with our practices and rituals.  May I inform the Matriarchs on your arrival?"

"We will arrive at thessia in approximately nine hours," Shepard replied.

"They will be duly informed," Tevos said.  "Get some rest, Commander Shepard.  The Asari appreciate all that you have done."

Shepard switched off her omni-tool and closed her eyes.  Trying to control her breathing to ease her pain was exhausting in and of itself.  Dr. Chakwas gave her another injection of painkillers.

 _Blessed relief_ , Shepard thought.  The drug flooded her system and slowly started to take the edge off.  She was vaguely aware of the door to Liara's quarters opening.  When a warm hand gently rested on her arm, she opened her eyes to see Liara there.

"Hi, Liara," Shepard weakly greeted her.

"Hello, Shepard," Liara replied.

"How are you doing this morning?"  Shepard asked.

Liara looked away momentarily.  "I will be alright.  I am still in shock, I think."

"I'm so sorry," Shepard swallowed.

"No," Liara shook her head resolutely.  ""Do not apologize.  You did nothing wrong.  If you had not killed her, I have no doubt she would have killed all of us.  You did what had to be done, and I am grateful."

Shepard choked back a sob.  The pain meds did nothing to halt the stabbing pain that burned across her entire torso.  Every muscle in her body locked in rigidity and her face contorted in pain.

"Shepard..." Liara whispered, reaching up to stroke her hair.  "You are not allowed to feel guilty about this.  I forbid it."

"I killed your mother," Shepard rasped forlornly.

"You had no choice!"  Liara returned.  "She may have been indoctrinated, but before that she had to make a conscious decision to join Saren.  When she did that, she made your choice for you, and she knew it."

Shepard's breathing had become erratic and was clearly painful.  Dr. Chakwas stepped forward with another rapid infuser and administered a sedative.  "Slow your breathing, Commander," Dr. Chakwas advised quietly.

Sensing Shepard's growing panic, Liara leaned forward and rested her forehead on Shepard's.  She gently reached out with her mind and melded with the Commander.  The fear and pain she found there was terrifying.

 _{I can't breathe}_ , Shepard thought.

 _{Yes you can}_ , Liara thought, speaking through the meld.  { _Slowly.  With me.}_

Liara laid her left hand on Shepard's chest, just below her collarbone.  She kept her right hand on Shepard's head, her fingers tangled in thick blond hair.

_{Calm...slow...}_

Finally, Shepard's breathing began to settle into a rhythm.  Her heart rate calmed and Liara could feel her mind slipping into a drug-induced slumber.

_{Rest, Shepard.  I'll be right here when you wake up.}_

The meld ended as Shepard finally drifted into unconsciousness.

"Is she going to be alright?"  Liara asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"She'll be perfectly fine," Dr. Chakwas sighed.  "She's just going to be in a lot of pain for a couple of weeks.  I have never in my life seen a biotic crush N7 armor like that."

Dr. Chakwas pulled a chair over for Liara and beckoned for her to sit.

"Doctor, I have a question," Liara said suddenly.

"Of course," Dr. Chakwas smiled.  "Ask me anything."

"Is it...strange, do you think, that I have feelings for her?"  Liara asked.  "I've only been aboard for two months."

Dr. Chakwas knelt in front of the troubled Asari and gave her that familiar comforting smile.  "Liara, I've seen a lot of relationships begin and end.  Some take time to develop.  Others begin quickly.  Some burn out and you can see it coming from light years away.

"What I have witnessed between you two is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen.  I believe that you and the Commander were meant for each other.  That sort of thing does happen, but it is incredibly rare.  When I have been privileged to watch two people come together like that, they always seem to fear that they're moving too quickly.  When you walk into a room, her entire demeanor changes.  It is obvious that you two love each other.  Don't question yourself, dear girl.  Love her while you have her.  Precious few people ever find what you have."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard desperately wanted to be with Liara when Benezia's body was taken by the Matriarchs, but she couldn't even stand up on her own yet.  She was stunned when Liara returned to the medbay an hour later, stricken but determined.

"I know what you're going to ask," Liara began as she took up her position at Shepard's side again.  "Yes, she was my mother.  I loved her.  But I cannot go back to Thessia with her.  My home is on the Normandy, and I have done my mourning."

"I'm glad you're still with us," Shepard said quietly.  "I have a question for you, though.  Did you meld with me earlier?"

Liara stared at her lap.  "I'm sorry," she said.  "I shouldn't have done that without permission.  You just...seemed to be in so much pain that speaking seemed inadequate."

"I didn't know you could use a meld that way," Shepard blinked.

Liara looked up finally.  "You're not angry?"

Shepard looked her in the eye.  There was something about Shepard's eyes that drew Liara in; they were an intense blue-gray and were, at least to Liara, very expressive.  "Not at all," Shepard smiled gratefully.  "It helped tremendously.  Thank you."

Liara smiled.  "You're welcome."

 

*     *     *

 

After a week, Shepard was finally allowed to return to her personal quarters.  Liara did not wish to crowd her, but she did pick back up on their nightly cuppa sessions.  It was the perfect excuse to check on her.  Every day, a little more of Shepard's strength returned.  Slowly she healed, more capable of laughter without pain with each visit.  It lifted Liara's spirits to see her returning to her same old self.

On their final night before Shepard was to be cleared to return to duty, the Normandy made haste for Virmire and Shepard grew somewhat serious.  "Liara...when we were on Noveria..." Shepard was hesitant, exuding nervousness.  "You said something that stopped Benezia in her tracks."

Liara immediately blushed and her stomach did a flip-flop.  She had hoped that Shepard hadn't heard her.  Over the past two months, the pair had grown close.  With Liara melding with Shepard regularly to make sense of the visions brought on by the Prothean beacon, it was impossible not to get close.  Though Liara had been careful not to intrude on Shepard's personal thoughts, she had still seen a few and had sensed the dread that Shepard had kept so carefully to herself.  The crew saw Shepard as being fearless; Liara knew better, and Shepard's drive to keep fighting, to keep pushing forward despite her fear, made her that much more courageous in Liara's mind.

Love, however, was a different matter entirely.

"Shepard..." Liara began.

"Did you mean it?"  Shepard cut her off.

Liara sat forward and appeared to be thinking carefully.  "I did," she replied haltingly.  "But...in light of what we face, with Saren still out there, I'm not sure now is a good time -"

Shepard leaned in and kissed her.  Shepard seemed almost as surprised as Liara.  For her part, Liara couldn't tell whether to pull away or keep it going.  It felt so good - so right - that she accepted it.  It began slowly, gently, on the surface.  After a few moments they began to open up to one another.  Liara reached up and ran her fingers through the back of Shepard's hair, digging into the kiss just a little more.

They let go slowly, backing away just enough to look at each other closely.  Liara pulled her hand out of Shepard's hair and brought it around to her face.  Shepard closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, as if it were a relief.

"How are you feeling, Shepard?"  Liara whispered.

Shepard flashed that endearing lopsided grin.  "Testing my abilities, Doctor T'Soni?"

Liara took both of Shepard's hands and stood her up.  She unzipped Shepard's N7 hoodie and slid it over her shoulders, allowing it to fall to the floor.  She carefully lifted the white t-shirt Shepard wore up and over her head and dropped it over the back of a chair.  Slowly, unsure of herself, Liara lifted her hands to Shepard's torso and gently pressed on her ribs.

"Does this hurt?"  Liara asked.

"No," Shepard replied.

Liara moved in closer, reached around to Shepard's sides, and pressed inward.

"What about this?"

Shepard shook her head, a gentle smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

Liara closed the remaining gap between them and pressed gently on Shepard's back.

"And this?"

Shepard shook her head very slightly.  She leaned in for another kiss, this one deeper and more sensuous than the first.

They both knew that, for some time, the entire crew had been talking about them.  It had already been assumed that they were sleeping together despite repeated admonishments from the Commander about the scuttlebutt.  Between the two of them, however, they had both sensed the tension, even if they had both refused to admit it.  This was the worst possible timing - in the middle of a violent conflict with a rogue Spectre who was doing his level best to bring about the end of the known galaxy.  Lately the tension had grown almost palpable, and Shepard knew it was only a matter of time before they caved.  Hearing Liara plead with her mother that day on Noveria had been a shock.  Interest and feelings had given way to something far more meaningful.

Shepard's hands rested on Liara's hips, while Liara's fingers had found their way back to Shepard's hair.  Shepard gently broke the kiss and looked intently into Liara's eyes.

"Do you really want to do this?"  Shepard asked. 

"Yes," Liara replied after a moment's hesitation.  "I have never wanted anything so clearly in my life."

The kissing began anew, this time much more passionately.  As they began to undress, Liara's eyes turned into obsidian orbs.  Shepard opened her mind and allowed Liara to slip into her consciousness.

The raw emotion that rushed in with her was breathtaking.

 

*     *     *

 

They woke slowly, unsure of how much time had passed.  Shepard had requested a one-hour warning as they approached Virmire, but the call had not yet come.  She noticed before she opened her eyes that she was stark naked and pressed against a warm body.  The memory of the previous night brought a peaceful smile to her face.  She pressed her lips to a blue shoulder and gently kissed it.  They had ended up spooning, and Shepard slightly tightened her embrace around Liara's midriff.

"Good morning," Liara said, a smile evident in her sleepy voice.

"Good morning," Shepard replied.  "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I have in over a week," Liara yawned.  "You make me feel safe and at peace, Shepard.  I haven't felt so secure since before I left Thessia."

Shepard kissed the middle of Liara's back, between her shoulder blades.  "When it's just the two of us, you can use my first name."

Liara turned over to face her lover.  "Alexandra?"

Shepard chuckled at the sound of her full first name.  "Nobody has called me that in years.  It's just Alex.  Less of a mouthful."

"Alex," Liara whispered, leaning in for a slow kiss.

"I have to admit," Shepard began as the kiss broke, "I know absolutely nothing about Asari courtships."

"In Asari, culture, maidens of my age are expected to have multiple partners," Liara said.  "Taking a bondmate does not usually happen until the matron stage, when we're just over three centuries old."

Shepard stared at her lover, the shock of her remarks momentarily knocking the air from her lungs.  Before she could speak, Liara started, a concerned look on her face.

"Shep - Alex," she corrected herself.  "Are you alright?"

"I just...um..." Shepard stuttered and choked.  "I thought this would be...I mean..."

Liara could feel the panic radiating from her lover.  "Alex, what is wrong?"

"Is this just a fling?"  Shepard blurted.

"A what?"  Liara was clearly confused by the expression.

"Uh - sorry..." Shepard had to think.  "A 'fling' is an affair, a one-night stand.  It's sex for now because it's fun, then walking away."

It was Liara's turn to look stunned.  "What would make you think such a thing?"

"Liara, you just got done explaining that at your age, Asari don't take bondmates!"

Liara gasped, finally realizing what had happened.  "Goddess!  I'm so sorry!  I never meant to make you think that I do not want a future with you!"

Shepard heaved a sigh of relief and dropped her head back to her pillow.  Liara reached up with her left hand and swept her fingers through tufts of blond hair before resting her hand on Shepard's cheek.

"I am so sorry, love," Liara whispered.  Her thumb gently stroked a blushing cheekbone.  "I didn't think my words through.  I didn't realize how that sounded.  I didn't mean to scare you so."

"Liara, this sort of intimacy is something I don't do easily or lightly," Shepard finally found her voice.  "You've become very important to me.  I never expected to say this to another living soul, but...I love you."

"I love you too, Alex," Liara smiled gently, sealing her words with a kiss.

The soft "ding" of the Normandy's VI preceded the expected call.  "ETA to Virmire: one hour."

Shepard sighed.  "Ah...perfect timing."

Liara shivered.  Suddenly she remembered that their very reason for being together was about to put her lover in harm's way again.  "Will I be on your ground team?"

"If the intel sent by the Salarians is accurate, then there are Prothean artifiacts in the facility we're investigating," Shepard replied as she gently disentangled herself from Liara and got out of bed.  "If you're comfortable with it, I would like you to join us."

Liara rose quickly, trying not to lose sight of the muscular back that faced her.  She stifled a whimper of disappointment as Shepard pulled on a clean pair of boxer shorts; her view was gone.

Shepard, knowing full well she was being watched, pulled her boxers back down for a moment, exposing her ass one last time.  She chuckled at Liara's gasp.

"Alexandra Jane Shepard," Liara used her full name in mock disbelief.  "You are a terrible flirt!"

Shepard turned to face Liara as she pulled on her compression shirt.  A hint of her smile remained although it was clear that she was becoming more serious.

"When we're in here, we can be completely open," Shepard began, slowly running her hands down Liara's sides, resting at her hips and holding her closely.  Liara rested her hands on Shepard's biceps as the Commander continued.  "Out there, we absolutely must remain professional.  It is very important that the crew understand that whatever our relationship is, on a mission, I am still their Commander.  They need to be able to trust both of us implicitly.  I promise they already know about us, but we cannot allow this to get in the way."

 _She couldn't have heard my thoughts_ , Liara thought.  "I promise to obey the necessary propriety.  I can never promise that I won't worry."

Shepard gave her another quick kiss.  "Thank you, love."


	3. What A Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crewmember is lost, but there's no time to stop and mourn.

The Normandy sped away from Virmire, hitting FTL just before a mushroom cloud appeared over the planet's surface. Shepard walked into the medbay under her own power - barely. Liara followed closely behind, unchecked concern settled into her features.

Dr. Chakwas stopped the rest of the squad at the door.  "Unless you all need medical treatment, you'll need to stay out here.  I'm sorry."

The doors shut and locked.  Dr. Chakwas turned back to Shepard.  "Can you remove your armor?"

Shepard nodded and began removing her armor with deft movements practiced thousands of times.  Liara helped as necessary, mostly moving pieces aside and keeping them gathered in one place.  As soon as she was in nothing but her armor skin, Dr. Chakwas ran an omni-tool scan and began her physical evaluation.

"Commander, what is this bruising 'round your throat?"  Dr. Chakwas asked.

"Saren picked me up by my neck," Shepard croaked.  It was painful to speak.

"Dear God," Dr. Chakwas remarked.  "You let him get that close to you?"

"He was on a hovering platform," Liara piped up.  She knew that Shepard needed to be able to answer for herself, but she also didn't want Shepard in any more pain than was necessary.  "Cover was almost impossible to find."

Dr. Chakwas sighed heavily.  "Strip the rest of this off and lie down, Commander.  I count two slugs that need to be removed.  Liara, if you'd like to get out of that armor, go ahead.  I would like to speak to you while I work."

Ten minutes later, Liara emerged clad in a set of plain gray sweats that Shepard had given her.  She wore a simple white t-shirt under the hoodie.  A chair had been situated not far from her door, away from the table where Shepard lay.  At Dr. Chakwas' urging, Liara sat down.  Shepard was sedated and covered with a surgical sheet.  Dr. Chakwas was just beginning the process of removing the slugs from Shepard's left arm.

"This will be minimally invasive, but I fear a local anesthetic would not be sufficient," Dr. Chakwas wasted no time answering the questions she was certain would be asked.  "Now...as I was monitoring vital signs for the ground team, the Commander's disappeared just long enough to give me the brief impression that she'd been killed.  Then, they returned to normal, almost as if nothing had happened.  Could you please enlighten me?"

"That must have been when she interacted with the Prothean beacon," Liara said, surprise at the doctor's words plain on her face.

Dr. Chakwas froze and looked up.  "Another one?"

"Yes," Liara nodded.  "This one was bigger and much more powerful.  It lifted her off of her feet for several moments and rendered her completely unresponsive.  It took her some time to collect herself afterward, but once she did she seemed to be fine."

Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow but did not look up from the task that she had returned to.  "Until she was shot and strangled.  What of Saren?"

"He escaped," Liara sighed.

"And the Commander had to leave a member of the crew behind," Dr. Chakwas softly remarked.

Liara nodded sadly.

 

*     *     *

 

He slowly pulled the locker open and gave the contents a cursory glance, as if willing the collection of inanimate objects to empty themselves into the crate on the floor.  He thought...actually, he wasn't sure what he thought.  He sure as hell hadn't expected to stand here like this, feeling powerless all of a sudden.  He finally found his strength and began to transfer the belongings of his crewmate from the locker to the crate.

As he pulled the leather-bound Bible out, Kaidan Alenko froze.  He'd never understood her belief in her God.  Ashley never expected anyone to listen to or share her beliefs, a departure from so many others who followed her religion.  He was always put off by her borderline xenophobia but he always did respect the Chief for her ardent belief in something so unpopular.  More than that, he respected her for her loyalty to the Alliance despite the negative connotations attached to her family's name because of her grandfather's surrender at Shanxi.

Kaidan ran his thumb across the man's name embossed on the cover and bit back the tears that threatened to betray him to the empty cargo bay.  When Ensign Jenkins had been killed on Eden Prime, the Commander had insisted on packing his personal affects for his family.  He knew that the Commander held deep convictions about General Williams' disgrace, however, and he refused to leave this to her. 

"If you stare any harder, you might just bore holes right through that book," came a familiar Turian voice from behind him.

Kaidan turned to glance at Garrus before reverently pressing the family Bible on top of Ashley's other belongings and closing the crate.  "I had no idea that her Bible once belonged to the General."

"I wonder if Shepard ever told her what she believed about General Williams," Garrus thought aloud.  "Ashley would have liked to know that the Commander thought he deserved a medal."

"How is she?"

Garrus leaned against the mod table and dipped his head.  "She's fine.  At least physically.  The doctor said that when the beacon picked her up, her vital signs crashed, but now I guess the issue is in her mind.  She isn't awake yet."

Kaidan shook his head.  "Garrus, I long for the simple days of pirates and slavers."

Garrus flared his mandibles in frustration.  "I get the feeling that it won't be long before everyone - even the council - agrees with you."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard woke with a start.  Something had been gnawing on her mind, but she couldn't place it.  She knew something was wrong.  It was taking time for her to recall everything that had gone on.

 _Ashley_.  Her breath hitched in her chest when the memory took hold of her mind.  _Virmire_.  She'd had to make a decision: make it to the AA tower and save Ashley, or evacuate Kaidan from the facility's water treatment plant.  Both had volunteered to make the ultimate sacrifice.  Shepard had apologized.  "It's the right decision and you know it," Ashley had said.

Holy hell, her head hurt.  She tried to open her eyes again, but even the soft glow of the medbay lights sent a bolt of pain running down her spine.

"Commander?"  Dr. Chakwas said softly.

"My head," Shepard groaned.

"Liara said that you came into contact with a much stronger beacon," Dr. Chakwas said.  She had quickly picked up on the Commander's discomfort and knew that sounds would likely add to it.  "Do you think you can tolerate a meld?"

"I don't know," Shepard winced.

"I think we need to try," Dr. Chakwas whispered.  "I already have you on enough pain medication to stop a horse."

Seconds later, the familiar sound of the door to Liara's quarters opening could be heard.  "Shepard?"  Liara whispered.

"Hi, Liara," Shepard whispered back.

Liara reached up and stroked her lover's hair.  "This is going to get worse before it gets better," she warned.  "Whatever that beacon forced into your mind has to be sorted, and I'm afraid it's going to hurt."

Shepard's eyes remained closed, but her face took on an expression of determination.  "I trust you."

Liara laid her left hand on Shepard's forehead.  "Embrace eternity," she breathed.

Normally, Shepard's mind was bright, warm, and comforting.  At the moment it was a tumultuous wreck.  It was dark, roiling, and painful.  Something was there that shouldn't have been.  Shepard's mind was trying to reject it, but it had latched on firmly and wouldn't let go.  Slowly, carefully, Liara began to disentangle the intruder's tendrils, taking a piece at a time and putting it aside.  Liara could hear Shepard crying out in pain and had to remind herself that she had to focus on this, otherwise it would never end.

Finally, after what seemed to be forever, Liara held the intruder out and stared at it intently.  It spat and sparked black flames.  She compartmentalized it with the rest of the Prothean visions - and the Cipher - and the memories lit up, casting out the darkness that had enveloped them before.  Sensing the sudden calm, Liara gently withdrew from Shepard's mind.

Having shared Shepard's pain, Liara had paled.  Her physical body reeled from the intensity of the experience.  Dr. Chakwas had been prepared and had moved a chair behind Liara so she could sit.

Shepard's eyes cracked open, testing the effect of the lights.  Her headache was receding although it was not gone.  Her eyes flew open and she sat up, forgetting that she was nude under the blanket that covered her.

"He's headed to Ilos," Shepard said.

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard stormed back onto the ship, ignoring Joker and stalking down to the crew deck and her quarters.  She was about to lose her temper and it was best not to do so in front of the crew.  She had known that politicians could be a thick-skulled and arrogant breed, but the council had been so unforgivably dense this time that she wasn't sure she could contain herself.  What was the point of being a spectre if the council was going to put her on a short leash?

She wanted to get violent.  She wanted to destroy something.  She really wanted to go back to the council chambers and beat the living shit out of Ambassador Udina for throwing her under the bus, but that wouldn't have solved the issue.  If anything, it would have served only to worsen the problem.

Shepard paced like a caged animal.  Something had to be done.  Saren was already well on his way to Ilos and the Conduit, but the council had grounded the Normandy and Udina had stripped her of her command.  Could he do that?  He was never a member of the Alliance military.  Did he really have the authority?  The question made Shepard pause for a moment and contemplate going over his head. 

Then her door chimed.  She was about to yell at the intruder to go away, but she sensed Liara on the other side of the door.  "Enter!"

Indeed it was Liara.  Shepard was completely distracted for a moment by the internal question of how she could have possibly sensed Liara.  She had never been able to predict such a thing before.  She wanted to ask Liara about it, but Liara spoke first.

"Shepard, I have a message for you from Captain Anderson," Liara said, anxiety written all over her face.  She handed over a datapad.

Shepard quickly read the message, looked up at Liara, and without warning broke into a dead sprint.  She cursed her door when she had to pause to let it open and began running with all her might again.  Liara was hot on her heels, around the corner, up the stairs, through the CIC, down the piloting corridor and into the cockpit.

"Joker, pull up the launch command," Shepard ordered.

Joker knew better than to question her.  He did so and stared at the launch platform, still bright red, signalling that the Normandy was still locked down tight.  "What's up, Commander?"

"An old friend is about to give us a hand," Shepard replied.  "When that turns green, do not hesitate.  Get us out of here -"

As if in response, the panel turned green, and Joker smiled as he hit it.  The docking panel came up, showing the ship was ready to launch, and the Normandy backed out of the docks without the grace she normally did.  Joker pulled the ship away and escaped the Citadel with all the speed he could safely muster.

"Point us to the Mu Relay," Shepard sighed, thrilled that they'd gotten away without a fight.  "What's our ETA?"

"Nine hours," Joker replied.

"Give me a one-hour call," Shepard ordered.  "I'll be in my quarters.  Please do not disturb me unless it's an emergency."

"Roger that, Commander," Joker grinned.  "Will Doctor T'Soni be -"

"Finish that sentence, Flight Lieutenant," Shepard glowered.  "I dare you."

Joker giggled to himself.

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard trudged into her cabin, exhausted.  Her arm throbbed, her head ached, and the events that had just unfolded left her mentally spent. 

"You're in pain," Liara's voice came from behind.

Shepard had almost forgotten that she was being followed.  "It's nothing.  I've had worse, trust me."  She stopped in her tracks, remembering what had happened just a few minutes before.  Shepard had always been good at masking her physical ailments.  She spun to face her lover.  "Wait...how did you know?"

Liara swallowed; she stared at her feet and then looked up to meet Shepard's eyes again.  "I can sense it."

"How?"  Shepard asked.  She wasn't sure whether to be grateful or concerned.

"It can happen with Asari couples," Liara explained.  "True Asari couples, anyway.  I've never heard of it happening with any other species.  I know that my mother had a link with my father, strong enough that they were able to carry on entire conversations without physically speaking a word."

Shepard recalled a discussion where Liara had told her about having two Asari parents and how it was frowned upon in their society.  She wasn't sure how she felt about the possibility that anyone - even Liara - could waltz into her thoughts unannounced.  She knew that she deeply loved Liara, and she knew that she wanted a life with her, but she had never considered the possibility that her mind might never be a safe place anymore.

"I can't really 'hear' your thoughts," Liara said.  "It's more that I can sense emotions.  Right now, I can tell that you're confused.  Worried.  I promise you that I will never enter your mind without your permission, though.  Such a thing is only allowed in the event of an emergency - possibly to save a life."

Shepard was still thinking as Liara spoke.  She finally found her voice.  "Earlier, when you came to my door...I knew it was you.  I was angry and wrapped up in my own thoughts, and I really did not want to be bothered.  The only thing that made me stop and think before I lashed out was the sense that it was you.  I just knew.  That has never happened before."

Liara smiled warmly and took Shepard's hands.  "Alex, for another species to develop that ability is unheard of.  Even Asari don't form a link so quickly with one another."

Shepard flashed her lopsided grin.  "You think this means we were made for each other?"

Liara giggled as she leaned in to kiss Shepard.  It was long and slow.  Shepard traced Liara's bottom lip with her tongue, coaxing the Asari to open up; when she did, Shepard's tongue slipped in, dancing lightly with Liara's.  Liara wrapped her arms around Shepard's neck while Shepard's arms snaked around Liara's waist.  The difficulty of the past twelve hours melted away there, blanketed in the safety of their love.

"We really should get some rest," Liara said, taking advantage of a short break in their makeout session.

"I think we'll both sleep best if we join first," Shepard suggested, breathing heavily.

"I think you're right," Liara panted.  She had already begun to unbutton Shepard's tactical shirt.  When she had it open, Shepard pulled it off as quickly as she could, raking it across the wounds on her left arm and causing her to pull back and grunt in pain.

"Alex?"  Liara gasped.

Shepard dove back into Liara's lips wordlessly.  "I'll survive," she finally said during a short break.

It wasn't long before they were in bed, so deep in their joining that the ship could have been boarded and neither would have noticed.


	4. Save Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saren falls, but the fight isn't over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caid - modern term for Gaelic Football, referring to the ball used in the game.

"Sir, they're over here!"

A bright light blinded Liara.  Her left leg throbbed and she knew she was injured, but she could hold herself up.  As her rescuers picked through the rubble of the fallen Reaper known as Sovereign, she pushed herself first to her knees and then her feet.  Captain David Anderson rushed in behind them.

"Where's Shepard?"

Liara looked behind her with a mixture of dread and hope.  She'd heard Shepard shout at her to run.  As the ground shook with the first pieces of rubble crashing down around them, she'd heard Shepard fall with a grunt behind her - yet Shepard had yelled at her not to look back, to keep running.  She had done exactly as she'd been ordered.  She'd heard what seemed to be the final pained roar of Wrex before being trapped herself by the raining debris and trying to make herself as small as possible to minimize her exposure.  She wasn't sure how long she'd been out before she was found, and her first thoughts had gone to Shepard.

Her heart feared her lover had been killed, but intuition - possibly their link - told her otherwise.

Another roar sounded from somewhere nearby and the debris shifted.  Wrex was still alive and digging himself out of the mess of twisted metal.  "SHEPARD!"  He bellowed.

"Wrex!"  Liara called.  "We need your help!  Shepard is trapped!"

Wrex crashed through the limbs of the fallen Reaper, caring nothing for the ripple effect his actions had on the remaining sea of rubble.  He broke through to Liara, Anderson, and the Alliance medics with a thundering grumble and shoved a pile of metal aside as if it were nothing.

"Where is she?"  Wrex growled.

"Quiet," Anderson ordered.  "Everyone!"

Then, in the semi-silence previously only punctuated by the sounds of crackling fires, they heard it.  A faint pinging noise rose from the area Liara had run from.  Wrex wasted no time tearing past everyone, picking up chunks of metal, tossing and shoving them aside as he could, focused like a laser on the sound of Shepard's armor beacon.  The rescuers followed carefully, hoping that nothing would fall back into their path after the rampaging Krogan. 

Suddenly, Wrex stopped; at his feet a shock of blond hair could be seen.  Liara lurched forward and fell to her knees next to Shepard.  Her paralyzing fear threatened to overtake her despite something deep in her mind telling her that Shepard was still alive.  She lay face down, her face tilted to the left and covered in blood, her legs and left arm pinned by debris, but Liara realized quickly that she was breathing.

"She's alive!"  Liara cried.  "We have to get her out of here!"

Wrex had difficulty with this particular piece of work, but he broke into a great roar of determination as he forced the shelf of metal up high enough for the medics to slide Shepard out from under it.  As soon as he heard sounds that told him that she was free and on a stretcher he dropped the massive limb and turned to see his friend for himself.

"Get her to Huerta Memorial on the double," Anderson barked.  "And someone notify Karin Chakwas on the Normandy.  She needs to meet us there!"

 

*     *     *

 

Wrex didn't pace.  It wasn't a very Krogan thing to do, at least not when fretting over a fellow warrior.  Now, however, he did what Liara imagined what was the equivalent - he tapped his huge foot.  The "tapping" - more like a repeated dropping of a rock - wasn't quick, but it was enough to be noticeable.  Nobody had the courage to ask him to stop.  Liara didn't mind.  She actually found some solace in the action as she was unable to pace herself.  She sat still, hardly daring to breathe, waiting for word that Shepard was alright.

The time seemed interminable.  People filed by, coming and going, many of them frantic to help any number of the hundreds of patients that had poured into the hospital during and after the attack on the Citadel.  Only Shepard had an entire surgical suite to herself.  Everyone else was double- and triple-booked, sanitary protocols be damned.  The entire hospital buzzed with activity.  People with injuries ranging from imagined to critical were everywhere, and the staff were desperate to triage everyone appropriately. 

In Liara's mind, however, there was no noise.  There was nobody but their small troupe, sitting quietly in a corner.  There was nobody staring at the forlorn Asari or the barely-contained Krogan still tapping his massive armored foot.  Liara's world encompassed their corner and the room on the other side of the wall.  It went no further.

Several hours later, Dr. Chakwas finally appeared.  She was clearly exhausted but equally as clearly, she was happy.  "She'll be fine," the woman sighed in her warm British lilt.  "It will take time for her to get back on her feet, but she's resting comfortably just upstairs."

Liara allowed a few tears of joy to track down her cheeks while choking back the sobs that threatened to accompany them.  "May I see her?"

"You may," Dr. Chakwas smiled, gesturing for Liara to accompany her.  "Wrex, I don't suppose there's any chance of you remaining downstairs...?"

Wrex glowered at the human. 

"Very well," Dr. Chakwas sighed once more.  "We can talk as we move.  There are too many eyes and ears here."

Once they finally moved past the throng of bodies and made it to the elevator, Dr. Chakwas spoke.  "This was difficult, Liara.  If Wrex hadn't been with you to free the Commander, she would have died in the Council tower.  Both of her legs were crushed and her left arm was badly broken, but the internal bleeding  caused by a ruptured spleen and lacerated liver would have surely spelled her end.  We nearly lost her.  The bone stitcher set even the worst of her long bone injuries.  She did require seven units of synthetic blood, though, and it'll take time for her to fully recover."

"I am glad that you were here to take care of her, Doctor Chakwas," Liara smiled.

"I had help," Dr. Chakwas replied.  "Doctor Chloe Michel mentioned that you were with the Commander when she rode to the rescue at her clinic in the Wards.  As soon as she heard that the Commander needed treatment, she got here as quickly as she could.  I never would have been able to save the Commander without her help."

Liara remembered the young doctor from the Wards and how adamant Shepard had been about taking time they really didn't have to help her.  Shepard had told her after the incident that whatever you give to the universe, you get back.  That made perfect sense now, and Liara smiled at the memory.

Out of the elevator and down a long, sterile-white corridor, Dr. Chakwas stopped at a closed door marked "ICU, A Wing, 202". 

"She is still out, Liara," Dr. Chakwas warned.  "I don't want you to be frightened, but it looks bad.  You should expect her to be very pale.  She's running a low-grade fever and she's been sweating off and on since she was brought in.  She's surrounded by machines.  I can't tell you when she'll wake up, but I have no doubt that it will help for you to be here.  I do expect, however, that you will let one of the staff know if YOU need treatment, yes?"

Liara nodded.

"Are you ready?"

Liara closed her eyes and paused.  She nodded.

Dr. Chakwas opened the door and allowed Liara to enter by herself.  This time she glowered at Wrex, warning him wordlessly to remain outside for the moment.  She was half-surprised when he looked in at Shepard and took up a position next to the door.

Liara hadn't really considered Dr. Chakwas' words before walking into the room.  Shepard looked like she was one step away from death's door and Liara almost stopped breathing at what she saw.  It took several moments for her to remember the warning she'd been given and the description of what she should have steeled herself for.  She supposed she'd been too elated at the news that Shepard was alive and would recover completely to really listen or give it much thought.  She swallowed heavily and forced herself to close the distance to Shepard's side.

The blood had been cleaned from her face.  A new mark ran jagged from the left side of her nose in an almost straight line down both lips and all the way down her chin.  It looked like it would leave a dark scar.  Shepard's left side was propped up, her arm and legs kept at natural angles to alleviate as much pressure as possible on the newly-repaired bones.  Liara leaned forward and kissed her lover on the right side of her lips, careful to avoid the painful-looking cut.

"I'm here, my love," Liara whispered.  "Come back to me."

 

*     *     *

 

Two days dragged by in torturous silence.  Oh, people had come and gone, but there was only one sound that Liara wanted to hear.  Shepard still lay motionless.  Wrex remained at his position outside the door, glaring daggers at anyone he didn't know who dared try to open the door.  Garrus, Tali, Kaidan, and even Joker had all come to visit multiple times.  Dr. Chakwas came and went. 

Early in the morning on day three, Liara finally woke to the sound of someone coughing.  Maybe trying to clear their throat.  She opened her eyes expecting to see a visitor.  Instead, she caught a pair of intense blue-gray eyes watching her.

"Hi, Liara," Shepard croaked.

Liara leaned forward in her chair and took Shepard's right hand again.  "Hello, Shepard," she replied, tears of relief and happiness flooding her eyes.

"Are you okay?"  Shepard asked, her eyes narrowing in concern.

Liara couldn't help but laugh.  "I'm fine, love.  There was never anything to worry about."

Shepard smiled contentedly.  She weakly squeezed Liara's hand.  "How is the rest of the crew?"

"They are doing well," Liara replied.  "They have all remained close by so they can look in on you."

Just then, the door opened.  Dr. Chakwas strode in and smiled brightly, nearly shedding tears herself.

"Commander," Dr. Chakwas beamed.  "It's so good to see you among the living again.  How do you feel?"

Shepard chuckled lightly.  "About like I've been trampled by a herd of Krogan."

"Hmph," Wrex growled from the doorway.  "You've been sleeping for two whole days, you lazy pyjak!"

"He's been out there the entire time," Dr. Chakwas smirked.  Liara giggled as she continued, "he's scared every poor nurse right out of their scrubs."

Shepard rolled her eyes.  "You've been out there sitting on your ass and eating like a king, old man!  I don't wanna hear it!"

Wrex chuckled and went back to his post.

Dr. Chakwas turned her attention back to Shepard.  "I'm serious, Commander.  Are you in any pain at all?"

Shepard nodded.  "What the hell happened?  The last thing I remember is trying to dodge Reaper carcass."

"Both of your lower legs were crushed and your left arm was broken in two places," Dr. Chakwas replied.  She started another omni-tool scan.  "We had to remove your spleen and repair your liver as well.  It took seven units of synth to keep you alive."

"No wonder I feel like I swallowed gasoline and a lit match," Shepard groaned. 

Dr. Chakwas began her physical exam, running her hands over Shepard's injured limbs.  She paid careful attention to the Commander's reactions.  Her well-practiced hands ran over Shepard's left arm, torso, and both legs.  Shepard tried to be as honest as possible; her abdomen hurt sharply and her limbs throbbed.  Dr. Chakwas gave her more pain medication.

"I'm remaining here on the Citadel so I can get here quickly if needs be," Dr. Chakwas said.  "Call me directly if anything - and I do mean _anything_ \- out of the ordinary happens."

Shepard nodded and Liara verbalized a promise before the Doctor walked out the door.

Liara turned back to Shepard and lightly stroked her blond hair.  "You have no idea what a relief it is to see you awake and speaking.  The past two days -"

"Wait, I've been out for two days?" 

"Yes, love.  You nearly died."

Shepard looked up at Liara with concern etched into her tired features.  "Have you been here the entire time?"

Liara nodded.  "Of course I have.  I love you.  I had to be certain you were alright."

"Have you gotten any rest at all?"  Shepard asked.

"I've gotten enough," Liara replied, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.  "You do not need to worry about me.  Focus on healing yourself.  I am here for you, and I will not leave."

Shepard's eyelids were getting heavy.  "I love you, Liara.  More than you will ever know."

Liara gave her human lover a light kiss on the right side of her mouth, still minding the deep cut on her face.  "Not as much as I love you.  Are you getting tired?"

Shepard nodded.

"Rest, Alex.  I will be here when you wake."

 

*     *     *

 

**One Week Later**

Repairs on the Citadel were moving along faster than anticipated thanks to the Keepers.  The damaged sections of the Wards were still uninhabitable and the Council tower was a long way from being usable again, but the job was well ahead of schedule.  In a grassy area below Huerta Memorial, Liara and Garrus looked on as Shepard and Kaidan tossed a football back and forth and talked.  North American football was a sport that Liara would never understand, but she enjoyed the vigor with which Shepard threw and caught the ball.  It seemed a "perfect spiral" was the goal during the throwing, although she had no idea why.

"You're not doing too badly, Shepard," Kaidan said as he caught a decent throw.  "I'm beginning to wonder if you were as injured as you let on!"

"How else was I supposed to get away from the pack of lunatics on that ship?"  Shepard joked, catching Kaidan's throw carefully against her chest.  Her abdomen still hurt and her legs gave her some grief, but she couldn't resist getting out of her room to do something physical.

"Oh, please," Kaidan wheedled, running to catch a wide throw.  "You wouldn't know what to do without us!"

Shepard jumped to catch the next pass, wincing only slightly as she landed and recovering quickly.  "What, you mean essentially being the mom of the bunch?"

Garrus couldn't help himself.  "If you're looking for the mother on the crew, that would be Karin.  You, Shepard, are more like the older kid who tries to keep everyone in line and ends up getting in the most trouble in the end."

Shepard caught another throw and turned to her Turian friend while Liara laughed.  "Says the man who dances over the line between appropriate and insubordinate on a routine basis!"

"You wouldn't have it any other way, Shepard!"  Garrus returned.

"Suck it, Vakarian!"  Shepard retorted, snapping back for another throw.  "OH!  Look at that!  Perfect!"

Kaidan caught it without having to move an inch.  "You were born in Ireland, Shepard.  Aren't you supposed to like Rugby or something?"

Shepard caught his return throw with ease.  "Actually, Ireland prefers Gaelic football.  Totally different sport.  A little too complicated for you grunts."

Liara finally spoke.  "There's a difference between different types of football?"

Shepard launched the ball in a perfect arc and spiral at her old N-school friend.  "Well, I suppose 'football' is a simplified name for the Gaelic version.  It tends to translate badly.  North American football is incredibly violent in comparison with _Caid_.  Then again, Rugby is significantly more violent than North American football."

"So, if you were born in Ireland and grew up with Gaelic football," Garrus carefully pronunciated the name of the sport, "how is it you ended up with the other version of football?"

"I also grew up in the Alliance," Shepard replied, tossing the ball back to Kaidan.  "and North American football is very popular there.  I played it frequently in N-school, particularly with Lieutenant Alenko."

"I practically taught her to play," Kaidan proudly announced, snapping back to throw again.

Shepard caught it deftly.  "Keep saying that to yourself, Alenko!  I seem to remember my unit trouncing yours somewhere near the end of N-four!"

Kaidan readied himself to catch the next pass.  "I'm sorry, which position were you playing?  Oh, right - you weren't!"

Shepard stared him down.  "And who won the N-five tournament because of a well-placed pass?"  She caught his next throw with little effort.  "OH!"

Garrus turned to Liara as the banter continued.  "How is she?  I mean...really?"

"She is actually healing very well," Liara sighed. 

"Come on, Liara," Garrus replied, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.  "You know what I mean."

"I do," Liara replied.  She loved watching Shepard enjoy herself even when she didn't understand the reasons why.  "I know that there is more going on than she wants me to know.  She has always tried to hide certain things from me.  I do not believe for one moment that she means to hide anything from me that would be detrimental to her."

"You were with her, right next to her, during the battle against Saren," Garrus said.  "Did you see anything that would give you pause to think there was more to it?"

Liara grinned as Shepard caught another throw.  "No, Garrus," Liara replied.  "I know you are both old souls from the same battlefield, but if there was anything going on that she was not talking about, I would have noticed."

Garrus watched carefully as Shepard and Kaidan continued their banter.  "One old soldier watching another?"  He remarked.  "She's trying damned hard to shield you from something.  I think we both know why.  We all know the Reapers are coming.  The question is when."

Liara sensed the dread that had threatened to overwhelm her before playing just below the surface again. 

 

*     *     *

 

**One Month Later**

The shuttle closed quickly on the Normandy.  Liara leaned against Shepard in contentment; the couple wore a new pair of bracelets that announced their status.  They were promised to be bondmates.  Two weeks on Thessia had changed everything for the pair.  Shepard knew she deeply loved Liara before they took their leave for Liara's home planet.  She'd had no idea that she was going to propose while they were there, and had been terrified of Liara's reaction, but now that they headed back to their ship she felt more at peace than she ever had in her life. 

Shepard kept Liara wrapped in her right arm.  The Asari maiden dozed calmly, unaware of how close they were to the ship where they had originally met.  Shepard, for her part, was happy to return to their friends aboard the Normandy.  She hadn't asked Liara how she'd felt, but knowing how alone Liara had felt before departing Thessia for Therum - the latter being where the pair had initially met - Shepard didn't worry much.  They had gone through a great deal while on the Normandy together.  The crew that had endured the past several months with them would be as happy for their news as they were.

During their final approach, Shepard kissed Liara on her forehead.  She wondered where they were headed next.  She felt a certain level of fear over whether the Council would agree that more needed to be done to prepare for the Reapers.  More than anything, she feared for her future with the Asari napping against her shoulder.  She wanted a future with this beautiful maiden.  What scared her beyond words was the possibility that the Reapers could potentially arrive well before they'd had the slightest opportunity to build that future.  The Council had been frustratingly silent on the issue of the Reapers.  Shepard still needed to appear before the Council to find out what they expected next from the first human Spectre.

As their shuttle docked, Shepard cradled her lover in her arms, hoping against hope that her fears would prove to be wrong.  She desperately wanted a future, a home, and children with Liara.  She wanted peace.  Thanks to her interactions with two Prothean beacons and the Cipher, Shepard knew better.  She simply didn't know how in the galaxy she would provide the peace that she wanted to share with her lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had wanted to have this up yesterday - for N7 day - but like a true hardcore N7 I was in the midst of a 24-hour shift. I'm only a day late. ;-)
> 
> PS: this took me all damned day. Holy hell. Now I remember why I write it by hand before I type it out.


	5. State Of My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard wakes up in a strange place with no idea where she is or how she got there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it gets really dark. I'm taking a major departure from canon. Don't hate me.

Her lungs burned. Her head pounded. Even her skin ached. Alex Shepard wasn't sure if she was really awake at first, but the klaxon alarms sounding finally brought her to her senses. She opened her eyes to see the area illuminated only by red-tinted emergency lighting.

Last she knew, Shepard had been blasted clear of the dissolving Normandy.  Her armor had begun to vent air into space and she lost consciousness just as she was swallowed by the atmosphere of a planet called Alchera.  Prior to her attempt to save Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau - the act that had ultimately ended with the Commander being spaced - the Normandy had looked, sounded, and smelled much like this.  Between the blaring alarms, emergency lights, and the acrid odor of smoke and death, Shepard felt something she'd not felt since she was a child: overwhelming terror.

She sat bolt upright.  Noticing that she was on a medical table, she threw herself to the floor and took cover behind the table.  There was an open door on the other side and she had no idea who or what might be on the other side of it.

All four limbs began to tingle and Shepard realized that she was hyperventilating.  She slammed her eyes shut and went back to her Asari meditation training.  She had to get herself under control.  Inside a minute her heart rate improved and her mind cleared.  She took stock of herself; she was not in uniform, but in plain white scrubs.  Was this a hospital?  Maybe a medical ship?  Her hair was ridiculously long, cascading past her shoulders.  How long had she been here?  The backs of both hands and the tops of both feet had new scars - but they looked mechanical, almost cybernetic.  She fought another wave of panic and nausea and continued her self-assessment.

She felt a sore spot on her abdomen.  She pulled up her shirt to reveal a dark scar, just over an inch long, on her right upper quadrant.  It was covered by a dried, thin sheen of medigel.  It was fairly recent - within a day - so whatever was going on had to be relatively new.  She felt weak and dizzy, but at the moment she had to survive.  She could worry about feeling sick later.

Shepard stood slowly, trying to search the room she was in.  There were two dead bodies nearby, both clad in familiar white med-science uniforms from Citadel space.  Both victims had been shot.  Hanging above her table was a half-spent bottle of nutrient paste, the tube still dangling from it.  She suddenly realized that the scar she'd found on her abdomen was from a feeding tube.  _What the fuck?_

That was when she had an epiphany.  The ill sensation was hunger.  She needed food, and badly.  She also needed to arm herself somehow; she felt naked without armor and weapons.  Shepard walked out the door, swaying on her feet, still struggling to get her bearings.

The corridor outside had more bodies, none of them armed.  She carefully navigated the area and, for reasons unknown, turned right.  Then, behind her, she heard the telltale measured, metallic footfalls of mechs.  She turned to face them just in time to see three of the security robots transition to "force mode" - preparing to kill a hostile subject.  The humanoid-looking robots drew their handguns and took aim at Shepard.  Mechs weren't supposed to default to violent action.  Shepard wondered if the carnage around her was caused by rogue mechs.

She turned and ran.  No armor, no guns, and not enough energy to call up a biotic barrier gave her no other option.  Mechs were weak, but frighteningly accurate.  The more distance she could put between herself and the machines, the better.

She had no idea where she was going, but she ran for all she was worth.  She took as many turns as she could before finally finding the armory.  It was just about the happiest accident of her life.  There were guns for days - pistols, rifles, thermal mags, the works - but not one single suit of armor.  The cabinet had been picked clean.  Shepard threw on an ammo vest with an attached first aid pouch, slung an M8 rifle over her shoulder ( _when did they move on from the M7?  How fucking long have I been out?_ ), and grabbed a Paladin heavy pistol.  She was dressed more for the range than combat, but it would have to do.

The mechs were getting closer.  She could hear their heavy footsteps just around the corner.  A grenade would have been ideal, but she had no idea what type of vessel she was on, or if she was in a facility.  A grenade could tear a hole in the hull or expose her to the elements of a nearly uninhabitable planet.  Slamming a mag into the pistol, Shepard turned the corner just barely enough to take aim and put a round through the forehead of the closest mech.  It sputtered, sparked, and clattered to the deck.

After each shot, Shepard dipped back into complete cover, minimizing her exposure to the deadly mechs.  With all three dead, she started moving again.

At least there were signs leading to the galley.  That was where the largest concentration of bodies were.  The door that she entered through must have been where the attackers first hit.  The table closest to the door was struck without warning, the crew that had been there dead in their seats.  Most of the rest had run for the opposite door.  It didn't appear that anyone had escaped; as she moved further into the room, a pile of corpses gave her the impression that another group of shooters had ambushed them before they could escape.

She found a cabinet full of emergency rations and took an armload, committing the location to memory.  She needed to find a safe place and a way to call for help.

As she moved through the corridors, she found a map of the facility and discovered that she was on a space station.  Not far from her location was supposed to be the quarters of the commandant and officers.  She should be able to call for help, eat, and take decent cover behind heavy locked doors there.  _Rank has its privileges_ , she thought.

She quickly found the room she was searching for, ducked inside, and locked the door.  Her hands were shaking and her head spun.  First priority was food.  She knew from her medical training in N-school that after not eating solid food for god knew how long, she had to be careful about how quickly she ate.  Controlling herself at that moment was next to impossible but she managed.  She started with a small portion of the ration, setting the rest aside.

Shepard's single concern at this point was communication, but she had no idea whether an attempt to call out would attract the attackers to her location.  She had to try.  She opened the terminal on the desk to send an emergency signal.  The symbol that greeted her on the holographic display was a disgustingly familiar one.  It consisted of a vertically elongated hexagon, the bottom four sides surrounded by shadowing bars.

Fuck.

Cerberus.

 

*     *     *

 

"Miss Lawson."

Miranda looked up at the holo on her desk.  A handsome, middle-aged man stared at her from it, his expression blank.

"Illusive Man," she replied.

"You are urgently needed on board the Lazarus Research Station."

The Illusive Man was normally emotionless, but Miranda detected a terse edge to his voice.  That could only mean one thing.

"What's happened?"  Miranda asked.  Her raven-black hair flipped over her shoulder as her head swiveled to meet his gaze.

"We've just received a distress signal from the station," the Illusive Man replied, taking a long drag on his cigarette.  "The few cameras still in operation show that the entire crew is likely dead.  You need to find -"

"I'm on my way," Miranda cut him off, rising quickly from her desk.  "I will find Shepard."

"This is an important investment, Miss Lawson," there was an angry tinge to his voice now.  "Do not fail.  Oh...and take Karin Chakwas with you.  If Shepard is awake you'll need a friendly face."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard had managed to silence the alarm in the commandant's cabin and got some rest.  She woke up, ate another small portion of the ration on the desk, and tried to rest a little more.  When she woke again, she got up and stumbled into the lavatory.  She froze in shock at what stared back at her in the mirror.

The scars that once crossed her face, scars that had become normal to her, were gone.  Now she had a series of glowing cybernetic lines on both cheeks.  She could swear she saw a faint red tint in her corneas.  She tripped backward, certain that this was a nightmare.  The mechanical scars on her hands and feet glowed in the dimmed fluorescent lighting as well.

She dropped back onto the bed and curled up, hugging her knees to her chest.  What was going on?  Where was she?  What the hell happened?  How long had it been since the Normandy was destroyed?

Where was Liara?

 

*     *     *

 

The shuttle docked in the executive port and the compliment of soldiers led by Miranda Lawson disembarked.  Dr. Chakwas followed at a comfortable distance, unsettled by the state of the station.  It reminded her far too much of the day the Normandy went down.

The armored soldiers fanned out, moving into a protective formation.  They moved as swiftly as they could down the corridors, making a beeline for the commandant's cabin.  Once at the door, they flanked Miranda. 

"The only stable life sign aboard this station is in this room, and we have no idea who it is," Miranda warned.  "Do not fire unless I give the order.  I cannot stress the importance of that order enough."

Miranda entered a code on her omni-tool and stood back as the door opened, her SMG at the ready.  She eased into the room in a defensive stance.  She stopped and dropped her weapon to her side when she saw Shepard, backed into a corner on the far side of the room, a pistol trained on the intruders.

"Identify yourselves," Shepard ordered.

Dr. Chakwas suddenly pushed past Miranda at the sound of her voice.  "Impossible," she breathed.

Shepard softened at the sight of her old friend.  "K...Karin?"

Dr. Chakwas rounded on Miranda, tears already streaming down her face.  "What have you done?"  She growled.

"Doctor, I wanted to tell you -" Miranda began.

"What?"  Dr. Chakwas hissed.  "That you cloned her?  What the hell were you thinking?"

"She's not a clone," Miranda insisted.

"I went with her mother to her memorial!"  Dr. Chakwas spat angrily.  "How is it possible -"

"Doctor, I promise I will explain everything," Miranda interrupted.  "Right now we need to get her off of this station!"

Closing her eyes to control her emotions, Dr. Chakwas turned and approached Shepard.  "AJ?  Is that really you?"

"Don't call me that, Karin," Shepard winced at the mention of her childhood nickname.  "Not in front of other people."

A harsh sob escaped the Doctor's throat.  She fought to control herself, though she was failing.  She knelt next to Shepard and, not caring about her audience, gathered the Commander into her arms.

 

*     *     *

 

Three days after waking up on the Lazarus Research Station, Shepard stepped out of the shower.  All of her familiar scars were gone, replaced by this series of hideous glowing lines.  It was too creepy for words, but someone had to know what was going on.  She remembered dying.  She remembered letting go, being at peace with something she couldn't control.  How was she here?  Was she really even alive?

She didn't know where she'd been taken.  All she knew was that the woman who had helped raise her after her father's death in the line of duty was just outside the door.  She dried off carefully, pulled on the tactical uniform she'd been given, and stepped out into what appeared to be a very large medbay.  Dr. Chakwas sat on a sofa off to the left in the corner.  Shepard crossed the room to join her.

"Please tell me you have some answers," Shepard pleaded.

Dr. Chakwas turned to face Shepard and laid both hands on the soldier's arm.  "Alex..." Karin rarely called her by her first name - typically only when she wanted to appeal to the young girl she'd known for so long.  "You died.  When the Normandy was attacked, you went to drag Joker to an escape pod.  You helped him, but you were ejected into space with a damaged hardsuit and you were killed."

"Then how am I here?"  Shepard demanded.  "And why the hell do I look like a robotic freak?"

Dr. Chakwas squeezed her arm.  "Your...remains...were recovered and you were taken to a team that rebuilt you.  At a high price tag and with the help of cybernetic advancements not yet made public, they were able to bring you back to life.  These new scars are the outward evidence of that process."

Shepard ran a hand through her new mane of hair, still wet from the shower.  "How long was I gone?"

Dr. Chakwas took a deep breath before responding.  "It is the year 2185.  You died two years ago."

Shepard shot up from her seat and took several steps away.  "Two years," she croaked after several moments of searching for her voice.  "Why?  Why bring me back?  Why not let me go?"

"According to Miranda, there is a very good reason," Dr. Chakwas replied, standing up and joining Shepard.  "One that she wants to explain."

"Karin...where is Liara?"  Shepard asked, her voice pained.

The older woman hesitated again.  "I don't know.  I know that she never gave up on you, even after the Alliance did.  I know that she's safe and has spoken with your mother.  Unfortunately, that is all I can tell you."

Shepard abruptly changed the subject.  "I need a haircut.  This shit's gotta go."

 

*     *     *

 

The big, armored Turian had been causing problems for the mercenaries on Omega for a week when his omni-tool buzzed.  He opened his holo and flared his mandibles in surprise at the caller.

"Garrus," Tali greeted him.  It did not escape his notice that the Quarian sounded shaken.  "I know it's been a long time, but you need to know what just happened."

As Tali explained who she'd run into on Freedom's Progress, Garrus Vakarian's jaw went slack and he all but stopped breathing.

 _It can't be_ , he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shepard waking from the dead and fighting her way out of a space station? Great for game purposes, but I'm taking a different approach. As for the interaction with Dr. Chakwas, I look at it this way: if any of my close friends in public safety were to be killed and suddenly reappear alive two years after I buried them, that would be a really emotional reunion. I'm not an emotional person and I would be a damned wreck. Since the relationship between Chakwas and Shepard is a close one, reaching back to Shepard's childhood, I wanted my interpretation to reflect that.
> 
> Also..."thermal clips"? No. A clip is a plastic piece that literally clips a series of rounds together and can be rapidly disassembled. A magazine encloses a series of rounds for rapid loading and ejection. The constant mistaking of magazines for "clips" is aggravating. For example, the M1 Garand rifle, used during WWII, used a plastic clip that could carry four rounds. The clip could be discarded and the rounds loaded individually (although the uses for that were remarkably few). Today, the Army uses the M4 carbine, loaded with a magazine (a standard mag holds 30 rounds) that can be quickly loaded and unloaded.


	6. For My Sake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard stares over the edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THIS BEFORE GOING FORWARD: this is a subject that I've come to learn more about than I ever wanted to. Having lost seven of my friends to this monster, it's not an easy subject to think about, let alone write. Keep that in mind as you read this.

Liara T'Soni slowly paced her office, oblivious to the world outside of the datapad in her hands.  Now a well-known and respected information broker in Nos Astra on the mostly-Asari planet of Illium, Liara is dedicated to her work.  There was no concept of time; she was so wrapped up in her work that when she turned to face the glass wall that overlooked the Nos Astra trading floor, she didn't hear the door open behind her.

When she turned again and saw a shadowed figure in her periphery, her head snapped up.  In the next instant, the datapad she was so engrossed in tumbled to the floor and both hands went to her mouth.

This had to be a dream.

Her brain told her that Alex Shepard, her promised, stood in her office.  Her heart leapt at the sight of those blue-gray eyes and thick blond hair.  Her emotions became a tangled mess and her body suddenly ached for contact.  Her soul, however, remembered the moment when Shepard had died.  She knew well before their escape pod was picked up.  It caused a pain unlike anything Liara could have imagined.  Shepard had definitely died.  When Liara rescued her lover's remains from the Blue Suns, she gave her to Cerberus with the promise that they could bring her back - and make sure that the Shadow Broker never got his hands on her.  She never believed she would she Shepard alive again.  In the two years that had passed, she had heard nothing.  Not even her most trusted deep-level contacts had heard anything about the Hero of the Citadel.

Now, out of nowhere, with no warning, Shepard slowly stepped toward her, hands held palms-up just above waist level, offering the traditional Asari greeting.

Liara couldn't move or speak at first.  She was so shocked that her breath caught in her chest.  When the spell broke, she took a timid step forward.  She slipped her palms over those of the apparition before her.  The contact was almost like an electric shock.  This was no dream.  It was Shepard.  Living, breathing, and standing right in front of her.

"Hi, Liara," Shepard whispered, her throat cracking.

"Hello, Shepard," Liara choked out, trying desperately not to lose control.  In a moment of broken weakness, her lips met Shepard's, and she felt her lover's warm presence in her spirit and mind again.

She broke the kiss as suddenly as she'd allowed it to happen and turned away, trying to maintain her composure.  As badly as she wanted to crawl into Shepard's arms and never leave, she still had a mission to complete.  Liara knew that if she allowed herself to return to Shepard now, she would abandon that mission. 

"Liara?"  Shepard said softly.  "What's going on?"

Liara swallowed her tears.  "Shepard, I..."

A new kind of fear settled in the pit of Shepard's stomach.  "Liara, please -"

"You were gone, Alex," Liara blurted, tripping over her first name.  "For two years, you have been dead."

"I'm sorry, Liara," Shepard replied.  She desperately wanted to hold her promised, to soak up all of the pain she had endured.  "I never meant to leave you behind like that, but...I'm here now.  I miss you."

Those words, coupled with the look in Shepard's eyes, tore Liara's heart open anew.  She had never considered what would happen if Cerberus were to be successful.  She had been certain that there was no way to bring Shepard back after seeing what was left of her.  "Shepard, it's only been a few weeks for you.  It's been two years for me.  I'm not the same person you knew."

"I can't imagine what you've gone through, Liara," Shepard replied, her fear morphing into panic.  "I know it must be an incredible shock to see me walk through your door now.  If the roles were reversed, I -"

"Alex, you died!"  Liara cut her off, stepping forward to emphasize her words.  "Do you understand that?"

"Everyone keeps repeating that to me as if I've got no idea what it means!"  Shepard retorted, her voice climbing in volume as she spoke.

Liara turned her gaze to the floor.  She fought the instinct to put a hand on Shepard's chest.  Any touch at this point would break her.  "I have spent the past two years trying to recover from losing you.  I have responsibilities now that I cannot give up.  I have debts to repay."

"If you're in some kind of trouble, I can help you," Shepard said, a desperate edge to her tone.

Liara looked back up at her, her expression appropriately schooled.  "No, Shepard.  Not this time.  I have to do this on my own."

"Liara, what has happened that is so bad that you can't even tell me?"  Shepard asked. 

Liara didn't respond.  She turned again and took a few steps away.  She sensed something that she couldn't ignore.  "You...have other business here on Illium, don't you?  You're looking for someone."

Shepard had been able to sense a mess of emotions from her promised, but she couldn't sort it out.  She was stunned to hear Liara admit aloud that she could read their link as well.  "I am.  Um...I need to find a justicar named Samara and a Drell assassin named Thane Krios."

Liara pulled up her omni-tool and rapidly typed into it.  "Both of them arrived in Nos Astra within the past two days.  I've just sent all of the information I have to you."

"I appreciate that, Liara, but..." Shepard trailed off, trying not to break down over what she knew was happening.  "I need you.  I can't do what I'm doing without you.  I understand if you can't come with me, but please, don't shut me out.  I can't..."

Liara could feel the pain Shepard was in as surely as if it were her own.  She couldn't afford to stop now.  Her thoughts swirled in her head; if Shepard was alive now, surely the Shadow Broker knew.  His bounty on Shepard's remains had never been rescinded.  Now it would likely turn into a hit.  Her mission just became significantly more important.  Shepard would survive, as she was so fond of saying.  Liara couldn't back down.

"My door is always open, and I will help you in any way I can...but that is all I can offer now.  I'm sorry, Shepard."

Without another word, Shepard turned and left.  A sharp pang of grief echoed across their link, something so final that Liara didn't even wait for the door to close.  She sank into her chair and let her grief overwhelm her.

 

*     *     *

 

The next day, information traders all over Nos Astra buzzed with news.  The only human spectre was alive and tearing a warpath through Illium.  Shepard had first hit a group of Eclipse mercenaries; word had it that she was helping a justicar who had recently arrived, but nobody knew what the justicar's stake was in the battle.  Shepard had apparently exterminated the Eclipse sisters with extreme prejudice.  Later in the day, an incredibly violent encounter had gone down at Dantius Towers.  Nassana Dantius, the owner, a well-known and high-powered member of the criminal underworld on Illium, had been killed after Shepard burned a trail through her mercenaries all the way to Dantius herself.  Several shady members of the trading conglomerate on the floor packed their belongings and rushed to disappear after that news broke.

Liara watched the mayhem among the traders from her office and felt the pain of having abandoned Shepard all over again.  She knew that the reason for Shepard's rage was the new loss she'd just suffered and, a few hours before she was due to leave, she realized that she wouldn't be able to get anything further done.  She shut down her systems and headed for the door.

As she locked the door to her office and began to walk away, Liara felt something urgent, almost dire, hit her mind like a hammer.  Her chest inexplicably hurt and it felt as if the room had been depressurized.  She tried to think for a moment why she could suddenly feel like this when the answer presented itself.

Shepard.

Something told her that she needed to find Shepard quickly.  The sensation left Liara reeling, wondering how it was possible that she could suddenly feel so strongly that if she didn't find Shepard immediately, tragedy would strike again.  Liara raised her omni-tool and she called the only person she could think of who might understand and help her without question.  She'd seen him waiting outside her officer door the previous day and she knew Garrus Vakarian was helping Shepard with whatever mission she was on.

"Liara," Garrus answered quickly.  "How can I help you?"

"Garrus, where is Shepard?"  Liara asked, trying to mask her fear.

"I don't think it's a good idea to approach her right now," Garrus said. 

"Someone has to," Liara was finding it difficult to contain herself at this point.  "You have to find her right now, Garrus.  I don't know what is going on, but something is coming across our link.  Something is very, very wrong.  Where is she?"

Garrus had definitely picked up on the dread in Liara's tone.  "She's somewhere on the ship, but I don't know where."

"Find her, Garrus," Liara pleaded.  "I'm on my way to you now.  Where are you docked?"

"Port 2B, just off the trading floor," Garrus replied.  He was clearly running somewhere.  "I'll make sure Joker knows you're coming!"

 

*     *     *

 

"EDI, locate Commander Shepard!"  Garrus commanded, running from his perch in the main battery.

"Commander Shepard is currently in her quarters on the upper deck," EDI intoned.

Garrus hurried to the lift and hit the button for the captain's quarters.  He cursed the lack of stairs on the Normandy SR-2 as the lift took seemingly forever to reach the top level.  He flew out of the lift and noticed that the entry holo was red.  Shepard had the door locked.  That was completely abnormal for her.

"EDI," Garrus called the ship's AI again.  "Can you tell me the status of Commander Shepard?"

"Commander Shepard has locked her quarters and shut out all access," EDI coolly replied. 

 

*     *     *

 

"Liara, I don't know what you said to her, but -"

"Joker, I am sorry, but I really don't have time," Liara panted, having run from her office all the way to the Normandy.  "Where is Shepard?"

Joker stopped in his tracks at the worry furrowed in the Asari's forehead.  "She's, um, in her cabin," he stuttered.  "The lift is behind the galaxy map, take it up to the top floor."

Liara turned and ran for the lift.  Memories of the original Normandy came flooding back, but the urgency of the current crisis had grown more insistent as the minutes ticked by.  The fear that accompanied it overtook anything else she may have felt about being aboard a very close copy of the SR-1.  Thankfully, the haptic interface in the lift was simple, and she sent it toward the top floor. 

The doors opened to reveal Garrus standing helplessly outside the only door outside of the lift.  "She's locked everyone out with executive authority," Garrus explained.

"We have to get in there!"  Liara insisted.

"EDI, override executive authority under emergency protocols," Garrus said to nobody in particular.  "Authorization Vakarian, Garrus."

"Authorization recognized," said an unfamiliar voice.  Liara made a mental note to ask about this change later.

The entry holo turned green and the door opened.  Shepard stood in the middle of her cabin with a pistol under her chin.  Her finger was on the trigger.

Liara reacted without thinking or speaking.  She threw a biotic field at the Commander, one just powerful enough to knock her down.  At the same time, the pistol discharged, the sharp CRACK made much louder in the enclosed cabin.  Terrified of what she would see, Liara had shut her eyes and turned away while Garrus rushed past her.

"EDI, send Doctor Chakwas to the captain's quarters immediately," Garrus ordered calmly.

Liara wasn't sure what the measured tone in his voice meant.  Either she had knocked the weapon from Shepard's hands in time or Shepard lay dead; since she didn't feel the same heartrending pain she'd felt after the destruction of the SR-1, she slowly turned.  Shepard appeared to be alive but unconscious.  She was bleeding from a wound on the left side of her jaw.

Liara dropped to the floor and carefully turned Shepard onto her back.  The round had entered on the outside of her jaw and exited near her cheekbone.  She was bleeding steadily and swelling rapidly, but she was breathing.  The door opened again and Dr. Chakwas rushed inside, her stride becoming a jog when she saw Shepard bleeding on the floor.

"What happened?"  Dr. Chakwas demanded.

"She locked herself in her cabin and tried to shoot herself," Garrus replied, his tone betraying his disbelief at what he'd just witnessed.

Dr. Chakwas looked up at the Turian, who was seated on the bed, elbows on his knees.  Her gaze then shifted to Liara.  "How did you manage to find out that she was in this state?"

"I could feel something through our link," Liara wept openly.  "It was so strong it actually physically hurt.  All I knew was that we needed to find her and she..."

Dr. Chakwas was surprised to hear that the pair was still linked.  She had heard the rumor that Liara had turned Shepard away the day before and had tried to talk to the Commander, but Shepard didn't want to talk.  While she was hurt by what Liara had done to Shepard, she was eternally grateful that their link had survived.  She scanned Shepard's injury and looked at Garrus.

"Let's get her into bed," Dr. Chakwas said.  Garrus carefully picked her up and laid her down in her nearby bed.

"Garrus...you cannot discuss this with anyone else," Dr. Chakwas said.  "I will talk to you in a little while, but for the moment what you saw here needs to stay here.  The crew cannot know what happened."

"I agree," Garrus replied quietly.  "Let me know if you need anything."

As Garrus turned to leave, Dr. Chakwas turned to Liara.  "I'm not going to ask for the details, Liara.  I know that you refused her yesterday and I know that she was devastated beyond words.  I never for one moment would have believed her capable of this, though.  I can't stay with her all night, but I am reticent to leave you in here with her if you're going to abandon her again."

"I will not leave," Liara promised. 

"For the moment, neither will I," Dr. Chakwas said.  "I don't know if it will help or hurt to have her wake up with you here, but we can't leave her alone.  If I have to leave, I need to know that you will notify me as soon as she wakes and hold off on any serious conversation until I've had the opportunity to talk to her."

Liara nodded and sniffled.  She sank onto the sofa, smoothing her long white and blue gown as she went.  She felt a guilt that she'd never felt before.  She recalled the conversation that she'd had with Dr. Chakwas two and a half years ago and remembered the warning she had been given.  Whatever she may have believed about the Shadow Broker's intentions with Shepard, this now took precedence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay careful attention to Chapter One to help bring this event into a little more focus.
> 
> (Edited for multiple goofs. In my defense, I was swimming in NyQuil when I originally posted this.)


	7. Stranger Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out.

Dr. Chakwas' only explanation for Shepard's unconscious state was the biotic throw that Liara had used to disarm her.  Any other day she would have been concerned about brain damage after three hours of unresponsiveness, but scans showed her vital signs and brain function were completely normal.  After being notified that Ken Donnelly had managed to injure himself in engineering, Dr. Chakwas had reminded Liara to contact her immediately if Shepard woke and returned to the medbay.

Liara fell into a restless sleep only to wake a couple of hours later.  Shepard was stirring and groaning in pain.  Still unfamiliar with the new ship's systems, Liara sent a message to Dr. Chakwas on her omni-tool, then stood and moved to sit next to Shepard on the bed.

The wound on Shepard's face had stopped swelling with the application of medigel, but it still looked ugly and painful.  More frightening than the injury, however, was the blank expression and lifeless stare.  Shepard never looked up at Liara, nor did she speak.  Liara sensed a deep sadness, one that mirrored what she had felt herself after the destruction of the SR-1.  She wanted to hold Shepard.  She wanted to take back everything she'd said the day before.  She feared Shepard would not be receptive, but she reached up to stroke her hair anyway.

The door opened to Dr. Chakwas, who motioned for Liara.  She ran her hand down Shepard's arm one last time as she stood to leave.

"Has she said anything?"  Dr. Chakwas asked.

Liara shook her head.

Dr. Chakwas sighed quietly.  "Stay just outside for now, if you please."

 

*     *     *

 

Liara didn't have the energy to pace.  She leaned against the bulkhead, her mind moving at a mile a minute.  She recalled Dr. Chakwas' warning with perfect clarity, but she still didn't believe Shepard had actually meant to kill herself.  She was stronger than this.  Shepard had always held up others when all hope seemed lost.  She understood the grief of loss, but it made no sense to take it to this extreme.

After what seemed an eternity, the door opened again.  Liara pushed away from the bulkhead and faced Dr. Chakwas, who came out and allowed the door to close.

"Liara, she doesn't want to talk about it, although I believe you two need to talk," Dr. Chakwas began.  "There's a great deal that you don't know that only she can explain.  Before I allow that to happen, I need to know whether you intend to walk away from her for good."

"Karin, I haven't had time to process any of this," Liara replied.  "Shepard will be in danger if the Shadow Broker -"

"She's already in danger!"  Dr. Chakwas interjected.  "Liara, you barely stopped her from committing suicide!  She said not one word to anyone about how she felt yesterday.  She came back to the ship, went through all of her routines, even spoke to the crew before picking up a heavy pistol and locking herself in her cabin.  She was ready to die.  You must understand, there's far more to this than losing you - she just woke up after being dead for two years.  Everyone she knew and loved moved on.  Every single person she's seen or been able to contact has held her at arm's length, and the one person she needed the most turned her away entirely.  If after two years you're still wearing that bracelet and never took it off, then I don't understand why you wouldn't help her now!"

Liara felt the weight of her promise bracelet and turned it with her other hand.  She hadn't removed it.  The last two years, Shepard had always been on her mind.  Even her personal vendetta against the Shadow Broker was for Shepard.  Dr. Chakwas was right, though.  The mission would have to wait.  Shepard needed her here, now, or the wounds in her psyche would never heal.

Finally, Liara nodded.  "I will stay.  For her."

Dr. Chakwas smiled lightly in relief.  "I'm going to allow you some privacy, but I expect you to call me if anything goes wrong.  Yes?"

Liara nodded.  She hesitated briefly, collecting her thoughts and emotions, and stepped toward the door.

She took a few halting steps inside and saw Shepard sitting up in bed, cross-legged, staring at her lap.  She still looked defeated, as if she had completely given up.  Liara walked over and sat down in front of Shepard, gently laying a hand on her lover's knee.

"Why are you here?"  Shepard asked.  It wasn't an angry question, but rather a painful one.

"Because I love you," Liara replied.  "And I don't want to lose you again."

"You gave me up," Shepard shot back sadly, looking up at Liara.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Liara replied, tears slipping down her cheeks.  "I don't know what I was thinking.  You still mean more to me than life itself.  That never changed."

"Then...why?"  Shepard pleaded.  "Of all people, why would you..."

"Alex, you can't reappear and simply erase two years of mourning," Liara replied.

"How do you think I feel?"  Shepard demanded.  She was finally allowing some emotion to surface, and tears welled in her eyes.  "I woke up cold and alone, surrounded by dead bodies in a strange place with no memory of how I got there!  I survived in that nightmare for three days before I saw another living soul, only to find out that I'd been dead for two years!  Everyone I knew, every single person I cared about, was gone.  My ship was destroyed, my crew and friends god knows where, and my promised..."  Her voice trailed off again.

Liara's breath hitched in her chest at the revelation.  She reached out to take Shepard's hand; when Shepard didn't pull away, Liara asked, "would you show me what happened?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Shepard replied.

"Please, love," Liara pleaded.  "I need to know."

Shepard dropped her gaze and nodded.  Liara's eyes went black and she quickly found herself seeing the Lazarus Research Station through Shepard's memory.

If anything, Shepard hadn't been descriptive enough.  It took time, but Liara was able to see and feel everything Shepard had experienced - waking up confused, hungry, sick, and alone, finding everyone aboard the station dead, trying to fight off the rogue mechs, and searching for food and shelter.  It was so overwhelming that when she got to the point of Shepard's rescue, she exited the meld and broke into wracking sobs.

"Goddess, Shepard," Liara wept.  "I'm so sorry.  I never knew...If I had any idea what they would do to you..."

Shepard sat up straighter at her words and her expression changed to one of surprise.  She sensed incredible guilt all of a sudden, and it had little to do with the previous day's conversation.  "Liara...what haven't you told me?  What do you know?"

It took several minutes for Liara to calm down enough to even look at Shepard again.  "Alex...I have to show you something.  Once you know the truth, you may never forgive me."

Shepard held out her hand, tears now streaming freely down her face.  Liara gently took it and initiated the meld again.  This time it was Shepard's turn to be immersed in her lover's memories.  This took longer than their previous meld; Shepard saw the aftermath of the attack on the SR-1 and felt Liara's realization that she had been killed.  She experienced the intense pain that Liara had endured.  She saw Joker's attempt to apologize when they were finally reunited.  She saw the search on Alchera, and Garrus with her promised, coming up with nothing but a few crates of personal belongings and a need to know why Shepard's armor had been left behind but her body gone.  She saw the search that led the pair to Omega.  Then, the memory that Cerberus operatives - including Miranda Lawson - had approached Liara with an offer to help.  Garrus left when Liara refused to tell them no.  _That's what Garrus wouldn't tell me_ , Shepard thought.  She saw the Drell, Feron, and saw the fight to take Shepard's remains from the Blue Suns mercenaries who had been hired by the Shadow Broker.  After days of back-and-forth, once losing sight of Shepard and actually confronting the Shadow Broker, Feron sacrificed himself to allow Liara time to take the ship containing Shepard's stasis pod and get away from the merc army.  Then she saw what had caused the guilt.

Liara had flown directly to the Lazarus Research Station and handed her lover's remains over to Cerberus.  Miranda had told Liara that this was the end of the line and she should never expect to hear any news.  Liara saw Shepard's remains, and in that moment decided that it was best to let go and allow the dead to rest.  Despite Miranda's assurances that she could do exactly what she'd said, Liara finally gave up any hope of seeing Shepard alive again.  She had decided that she had all the closure that she needed - that the Shadow Broker, whatever he wanted her remains for, would never have her.  Either way, she made it her mission to hunt down and take out the entity that had caused her so much grief.  She couldn't fight whatever had killed her lover, but she could fight whoever had tried to take what little was left of her.

With that, the meld ended.  Shepard sat in stunned silence.  Liara searched for anything in their link that would tell her what Shepard was thinking or feeling, but all she found was a confused, jumbled mess of conflicting emotions.  Shepard wiped her face with her hands, clearly trying to figure out exactly what to believe, let alone what to say.  She was alive because Liara put her own life in jeopardy to retrieve her body and give her to an organization that they both knew was evil from the top down. 

"I'm sorry, Shepard," Liara sniffled.  "I couldn't let you go."

Shepard wordlessly gathered Liara into her arms and held her tightly.  "There's nothing to forgive," Shepard said after several moments.  "Just...please don't leave me.  I've lost enough.  I can't lose you, too."

Tears began anew and the pair simply sat holding one another until their energy ran out.

 

*     *     *

 

Liara had no idea how long they'd been asleep when she woke up curled against Shepard's back.  They had both changed clothes, but they had quickly fallen asleep and Liara hadn't updated Dr. Chakwas.  She realized why she was awake when the familiar British lilt whispered at her again and a warm hand gently shook her shoulder.

"Liara?  Wake up, dear," Dr. Chakwas said.

Liara gave Shepard one more light squeeze before sitting up to face the Doctor.  "I am sorry, Karin.  I forgot to call you and let you know -"

"That is quite alright, my dear," Dr. Chakwas stopped her.  "No apology necessary.  I only told you to contact me if anything went wrong, and I assumed that everything was fine when I didn't hear from you.  Right now, I'm sure you need a shower, and I need to check on my patient.  Since I need to do that in here, why don't we kill two birds with one stone?"

Liara stared at Dr. Chakwas in somewhat disturbed confusion before realizing why she didn't understand the reference.  "Oh.  Another human idiom that I've never heard?"

Dr. Chakwas chuckled quietly.  "I'm sorry, Liara.  Yes."

Liara stood and stretched.  "I will leave you to her, then."  She headed for the shower - this one far more spacious than the one Shepard had had on the SR-1 - and shut the door.

Dr. Chakwas, in the meantime, roused Shepard.  The Commander woke slowly, sitting up when she recognized her chief medical officer kneeling next to her.

The Doctor ran a scan on Shepard, paying close attention to the wound on her face.  "Are you in any pain?"  She asked.

Shepard rubbed her eyes.  "My face is throbbing, but other than that?  No."

Dr. Chakwas nodded and closed her omni-tool.  "Commander, we didn't speak last night about what happens moving forward," she sighed.  "As a doctor, as a medical professional, all of my years of school and experience tell me that I need to be wary from now on that you may be a danger to yourself.  As someone who has known you since you were a child, this would seem to be a one-off that I would hope will soon be resolved.  On one hand I've been trained to consider medicating you to keep your mental state stable."

Shepard immediately shook her head.  "No, that's -"

"I should hope that it's not necessary," Dr. Chakwas interrupted, "but I need to hear it from you, and I need you to be completely honest with me.  Do I need to worry about you?  I have deliberately kept you up here rather under my direct observation in the medbay because I don't trust Cerberus and I sure as hell don't want Miranda Lawson or Kelly Chambers reporting this to the Illusive Man.  I am not above allowing that to happen if I think for one moment that you are unstable."

Shepard stared at her lap again.  "Karin, I can't promise that I'm alright now, but I will be.  Liara and I had a very long talk.  I don't know that she'll be coming with us aboard the Normandy, but we worked it out.  She needs my help just as much as I need hers."

Dr. Chakwas stared at the Commander, surprisingly pleased.  "I'm a bit shocked that you would be so honest, but I'm glad you are.  To that end...I have spoken with Thane, and he has offered to help you.  I didn't tell him any details about what happened, but I knew that he has had years of martial arts training and I thought it might be beneficial to have you spend some time with him every day.  He happily agreed."

"Is this your version of asking me to attend therapy?"  Shepard asked.

"Yes," Dr. Chakwas replied honestly.  "And I expect you to take advantage of it.  I don't care when you do it, but it will happen every day."

"Understood," Shepard replied.

Dr. Chakwas sighed and sized up her charge one more time.  "What were your plans for today?"

"Liara needs to get back to her office, but she asked for my help on a project she's been stonewalled on," Shepard yawned, stretching widely.

"This isn't a combat mission, is it?"  Dr. Chakwas asked cautiously.  "I'm not willing to release you for that just yet."

"It is not, Karin," Liara piped up, stepping out of the shower in a borrowed robe.  "I do not mean to pry.  I am trying to find an identity.  This will require no fighting, I promise."

Dr. Chakwas looked at Liara before turning back to Shepard.  "I would like you to check in with me when you return," she said as she stood to leave.

"I will," Shepard promised.

Dr. Chakwas gave Liara a grateful pat on the elbow as she left.  Liara walked down to the main living area and sat next to Shepard, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her on the temple.  "How do you feel this morning?"

Shepard leaned into Liara and sighed.  "I'm working on it.  I'll be alright."

"Promise you'll talk to me," Liara pleaded.  "No more secrets between us."

"I promise.  I love you, Liara."

"Not as much as I love you, Alex."


	8. Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One thing leads to another.

Shepard pretended to be bored as she aimlessly pecked at a terminal on the Nos Astra trading floor.  She had agreed with Liara that for now, after the uproar that she had caused with her paroxysm of anger, she needed to dress down.  She wore no armor, opting instead for functional civilian clothing: tactical khakis, simple black boots, and a black polo shirt.  As the temperatures on Illium were naturally cooler than most humans were accustomed to, Shepard also wore a tactical jacket with hidden pockets everywhere, including one for the Paladin pistol she had chosen to carry as her only backup.  She was in full N7 mode.  Infiltration had never been her strong suit - she was a vanguard, after all - but she still knew how to blend.  At least somewhat.

It didn't take long for Shepard to hack into the terminal and find the information she was searching for.  One of the potential identities of Liara's target, known only as The Observer, was as confusing as the other four - until she realized that there had been a mistake.  She activated her throat comm and called Liara.

"None of these possible suspects fits the description," Shepard said nonchalantly.  "None of the five pinned in your information is who you're looking for.  This last entry I found says that The Observer is actually a female."

Liara hesitated briefly.  "I'll have to check with Nyxeris on her source."

"Wait," Shepard's expression went blank as the possibility hit her.  "Nyxeris gave you the information?"

Liara froze.  "Yes," she breathed.  After another pause, she spoke to someone other than Shepard.  "Nyxeris?  May I see you in here?"  Then, she spoke to Shepard again.  "I have to go, Alex."

Shepard tried to get her attention, but the comm channel closed.  She looked around to get her bearings and realized that she was much too far from Liara's office for her own comfort - she had to get back to the office as fast as humanly possible.  She didn't care about who she startled.  She broke into a dead sprint, dodging unsuspecting employees and customers as best she could, managing only to avoid fully tackling anyone.  She reached the stairs to Liara's office and bounded up the flight three steps at a time and tore through the door, pulling her pistol as she went.

Whatever had happened was over.  She lowered her pistol as she spotted Liara standing over the lifeless form of Nyxeris, a look of animosity slowly dissipating from her features.

"Nyxeris needed work on her barriers," Liara said simply.  "Practice I'm afraid she won't be getting."

Shepard knew that Liara had become very capable in combat during her time on the SR-1, but this was different.  It was cold.  She felt a stab of guilt over what her death had done to her promised.  She returned her pistol to its hiding place inside the left side of her jacket and moved toward Liara.

"Please don't feel guilty, Shepard," Liara said as she lowered herself into her chair.  "None of this is your fault."

"I disagree," Shepard replied as she, too, sank into a chair on the other side of the desk.  "If I hadn't stayed behind -"

"Your drive to fight your fear to help others is one of the things that I always loved the most about you, Alex," Liara interjected.  "We will never know what would have happened if you hadn't gone back to save Joker.  I will not listen to you question yourself over something that we now have no control over."

Liara looked up and her expression darkened considerably.  Shepard felt waves of open hatred emanating from her, so much so that it made her head hurt.  She turned to find Miranda Lawson standing just inside the door.

"I was wondering where you'd disappeared to," Miranda said coolly.  Looking at the body of Liara's assistant, she said, "I see you've been busy."

"Operative Lawson," Liara greeted the woman so coldly her words could have been ice.  "How may I help you today?"

"I have some information I think you'll be interested in," Miranda replied, stepping forward and handing over two datapads.  "One is evidence of the Shadow Broker's original intent for hiring the Blue Suns to steal Shepard's corpse.  The other...well, I'll allow you both some time to go over it.  I'll be aboard the Normandy when you're ready to leave."

Liara read the first datapad intently as Miranda left.  She paled as she set it down.  "Shepard, the mission you're on - you're after the Collectors, aren't you?"

Shepard nodded.  "Why?"

"The Shadow Broker was hired by a third party to find you after you died.  This says that the Collectors wanted your remains."

Shepard's jaw dropped.  "For what?"

"The reason is only hinted at.  It appears they wanted you as a symbol to weaken resistance against the Reapers."

Shepard's expression went dark.  "Then my mission against the Collectors just became that much more personal."

Liara had already started reading the second datapad.  "This is a leaked transmission between two of the Shadow Broker's most trusted agents.  It's...oh!"  Her hand went to her mouth as she gasped.  Tears began to form in her eyes, but she refused to allow them to fall.  "Feron!  He's alive!"

"Feron?"  Shepard repeated.  "The Drell who gave himself to allow you time to escape?"

"Yes," Liara nodded.  "He is still imprisoned, but...my recovery may now be a rescue, Alex.  This information is enough to lead me to the Shadow Broker's base."  Liara stood and gathered her belongings.  "I...I'm sorry.  I need to find one of my contacts, try to sort through this.  I have to go."

Shepard stood and followed her out the door, rushing to keep up with her as she glided effortlessly down the stairs.  "Liara, wait!  You can't go after him alone!"

Liara stopped in her tracks.  "You are right.  Meet me at my apartment tonight."  She turned to face Shepard, raising a hand to stroke her pale cheek.  "Wear your armor this time.  I have no idea where this is going to go."

Shepard quietly agreed and gave her a slow, chaste kiss.  She watched her lover turn and leave.  She didn't understand exactly what was going on; the past few days had been a blur.  Her mind was still a conflicted mass of different emotions.  Right now, all she knew was that Liara was likely in over her head, and there was no way she was going to let her run off alone.

 

*     *     *

 

"SHEPARD!"

Shepard had charged the Asari Spectre in a fury, catching up to her just in time for the two to slam through a reinforced window and tumble over the edge, sending them careening four stories.  Liara had screamed her name in helpless panic as she watched them go over.  She reached the ledge just in time to see them hit the ground.  Liara jumped after them, using her biotics to soften her landing.  Tela Vasir stood and stumbled forward as Liara turned to Shepard.

"Ugh," Shepard grunted in pain as she sat up.  "I'm fine.  Don't lose her!"

Liara locked eyes with her one last time as she tore off after Vasir, who had found her strength and began running full-pelt for the exit.  Without stopping, she sent mercenaries flying, determined to stay with her quarry.  Behind her, Garrus had caught up with Shepard and helped her up.  They took off after the fast-moving mayhem, catching up just in time for Shepard to be cut down by a bullet from Vasir's pistol.

Liara, in cover behind a skycar, left her position and began firing non-stop, enraged.  Vasir had blown up three floors of the Trade Center in an effort to kill Liara, and now twice had nearly succeeded in killing Shepard.  She was done with the cat-and-mouse game.  She advanced on Vasir's position unflinchingly, continuing to fire until her thermal mag was empty.  Rather than attacking, however, Vasir turned and ran to a waiting skycar.  She ripped the door open, got in, and took off.

Liara turned to Shepard only to find that she and Garrus were already getting into another skycar.  Liara hurriedly jumped into the passenger seat and looked her lover over, surprised that she was still moving.

"Shepard, you're bleeding," Liara said.  "It looks bad."

"I'll survive," Shepard tossed back, pulling the skycar into traffic and slamming her foot down on the accelerator.  "How is this thing fixed for weapons?"

"This is a taxi, Shepard," Liara replied dryly.  "It has a fare meter."

"Truck!"  Garrus yelled.

"I see it!"  Shepard snapped, pulling the controls up and bringing the skycar over the top of the big shipping vehicle.  She caught up with Vasir just in time for a small explosion to throw her off track for a moment.

"She's dropping proximity charges," Liara stated the obvious.

"Where the hell did -"  Shepard thought aloud, looking for the bright orange skycar they'd been chasing.  Spotting it, she took off after it again.  "Hey, there we go!"

"You're enjoying this!"  Liara exclaimed.

"TRUCK!"  Garrus hollered again.  Now they were in a tunnel, and Vasir had likely deliberately caused a wreck with another large shipping vehicle.

Shepard maneuvered around the flaming wreckage with what was either the best skill or the most amazing luck on Illium.  Whichever it was, Garrus heaved a sigh of relief as they made it out of the tunnel and continued after Vasir, none the worse for wear.

"Garrus, if I didn't know that smell any better, I'd say you just pissed yourself," Shepard cracked.  Garrus only growled.

Vasir took her concentration off of the sky to pay attention to Shepard long enough to hit another skycar.  Shepard paused to watch the Spectre's descent, following only when she saw that her trajectory would put her on the roof of a hotel.  Shepard "landed" the skycar - which, for her, felt a lot more like crashing.  Garrus and Liara both paused and checked themselves, thankful to be alive.

"I wasn't aware they had made a flying Mako," Garrus finally said, stumbling out of the backseat, all but kissing the floor.

"Suck it, Vakarian," Shepard snorted.  She stood to get out of the car and immediately hit her knees.  A short dizzy spell had hit her when she tried to stand.

"Alex," Liara spoke her first name as she rushed to her side.  "Don't you dare tell me you're fine -"

Shepard stood slowly, turning to face a new sound.  A small transport was landing and it was loaded with Blue Suns mercenaries.  "We can talk about this later.  Right now we have more pressing concerns!"

The trio split up and took positions behind different skycars parked nearby.  The mercenaries fanned out and began firing indiscriminately, their lack of serious training becoming more conspicuous by the minute.

Shepard caught Liara's eye and she pair nodded at each other.  "Garrus!  Overload the leader's shields!"

They had practiced their next movements so many times that it was second nature, even after all this time.  Liara tossed a singularity up in the midst of four mercs.  Shepard reared back and threw a powerful biotic flare, detonating the singularity.  The first four mercs were killed instantly.  The six remaining were knocked flat by the blast.  Of those six, none had shields left thanks to Garrus' overload.  Garrus circled around the left, Liara circled around the right, and Shepard executed a biotic charge up the middle.  She took two out on her own.  The remaining four were caught in the crossfire between Garrus and Liara and went down quickly.

Shepard didn't miss a beat.  She started following the trail of purple blood that marked the path Vasir had taken, her Paladin at the ready.  Liara and Garrus quickly formed up behind her.  Liara watched her closely; she sensed that Shepard was rapidly losing the energy to fight, and she knew from experience that Shepard would push herself until she collapsed.  Against Vasir, that could be catastrophic.

The trail led through the bedroom of one of the penthouse suites, where a risque Asari vid was playing.  Shepard was instantly distracted.  "What kind of hotel is this?"

"It's called 'Azure'," Liara replied, her throat suddenly going dry.  "Azure is also a slang term for a certain part of the Asari body."

Shepard couldn't bring herself to turn around, but grinned devilishly.  "Where?"

"The lower reaches," Liara squeaked.  "Near the bottom."

"I meant where on the Asari body," Shepard chuckled.

"So did I," Liara croaked.

Garrus made a sound that Shepard had never heard before.  She blushed crimson when she realized that he was doing the Turian equivalent of giggling.

The lighter mood died quickly when they came out of the penthouse, rounded the corner, and caught sight of Vasir holding a hostage.

"You know how this goes, Shepard," Vasir called.  "Drop your mags and toss your pistols to me."

Shepard never wavered.  "I sacrificed thousands of human lives during the battle against Sovereign," she said, her gaze and tone steady and calm.  "Do you really think I have a problem sacrificing one to bring you to justice?"

"I think your honor will get the better of you," Vasir sneered.

Behind the Spectre, a table floated in midair, held by Liara's biotics.  Shepard didn't need to give any orders; Liara brought the table crashing into Vasir's back.  As soon as the hostage was thrown free, Shepard executed a powerful biotic charge, hurling Vasir backwards.  Liara and Garrus drew a bead on the villain and snuffed her out before she even had the time to think about struggling to her feet.

Liara walked up to Vasir's body and searched, quickly finding what she was after: an OSD, the remaining pieces of the puzzle that was the Shadow Broker.  It was the information that Liara had gone to the Dacon Trade Center to retrieve in the first place.  Suddenly, as she stood up, Liara heard the sound of a body collapsing.  She spun to see Shepard sprawled on her left side, pale and sweating.

Liara and Garrus were both at her side in an instant.  "Vakarian to Normandy," Garrus activated his throat comm.  "Joker, I need an emergency shuttle evac from the roof of the Azure Hotel in Nos Astra.  Send Doctor Chakwas on it!"

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard snapped awake, her head pounding.  The last thing she remembered was Vasir going down.  Now, opening her eyes in the medbay, she had no idea how things had ended.

"Liara!"  She cried.

Liara stood at her side, holding her down with a firm but gentle hand.  "It's alright, Shepard," she said quietly, hoping her tone would keep the Commander calm.  "I'm right here."

Shepard shut her eyes and sighed in relief.  "What happened to Vasir?"

"She's dead," Liara replied.  "I was able to retrieve the OSD she had stolen from Sekat at the Trade Center.  We know where the Shadow Broker is hiding."

Shepard smiled.  "Are we on our way there?"

Liara shook her head.  "We're still docked in Nos Astra, Shepard.  You've been out for twelve hours.  Karin didn't want to leave until you were well enough and she was certain she wouldn't need more resources than she had on board."

At the mention of the Doctor's name, Shepard grimaced.  "You told her what happened, I take it?"

Liara nodded, one eyebrow marking raised.

"Next time, it may do you some good to follow the advice of your promised," Dr. Chakwas intoned, "and let your ground crew finish the mission when you're bleeding and teetering on the edge of biotic shock!"

Shepard turned her head to face the Doctor and saw that she hadn't even lifted her gaze from her terminal's holo screen.

"In case I am not being clear enough, Commander, that will be my expectation for the future," Dr. Chakwas added.

"Yes, ma'am," Shepard replied, graceful enough to sound chagrined.

"Your vital signs are normal now and I have a few rapid infusers of pain medications for you to take with you," Dr. Chakwas said plainly.  "As long as you hold strong for the next twelve hours, I will agree to release you for duty, but we will not leave one moment before I decide you are ready.  Now, I believe you will be more comfortable in your own quarters."

Liara gently helped Shepard first to sit up, then to stand once she felt ready.  The first few steps were weak but Shepard quickly regained control and walked on her own power to the lift.  She and Liara rode the lift to Deck One in silence.  Once they reached the captain's cabin, Liara wrapped her arms around Shepard's shoulders and kissed her deeply.  Shepard happily returned the gesture, curling her arms around Liara's midsection, running one hand up her back, sliding her fingers into the folds and ridges on the back of the Asari's neck.

Liara gasped in pleasure.  She broke the kiss but kept their foreheads plastered together, unwilling to break contact.  "You scared me today," she whispered, tangling her fingers in Shepard's hair.

Shepard reignited their kiss, bringing her hands to Liara's waist and sliding her hands under the hem of the t-shirt she had changed into.  Liara didn't protest.  Instead, she backed up enough to allow Shepard to pull the shirt up and over her head, revealing a pair of unbound blue breasts underneath.  She was shocked to find a familiar shape hanging just above them.

Her old Alliance tags.

She froze, her eyes fixed on them, reaching up with one hand to turn them over and be sure that they were really hers.  They were - and still dinged and charred from the day she'd been killed.

"When I found them on Alchera I put them on," Liara whispered in a wavering voice.  "They've never come off."

Shepard leaned forward and kissed Liara's skin right next to the tags.  "They belong right where they are," she whispered back, a single tear making its way down her cheek.


	9. The Energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a surprise around every corner.

"I don't think you quite understand what I'm saying, Miss Lawson," the Illusive Man glowered through the QEC.  "You know why I gave you that intel.  You knew when you gave it to Shepard.  I expect you to follow through.  The Shadow Broker's network is vital to our continued operations, and I will not tolerate you losing that asset."

Miranda stared blankly at the holo-projection of her boss, suddenly seeing why Shepard despised the man so much.  After Shepard had helped her rescue her sister - while still injured and at risk of further harm - she came to the sudden and very sharp realization that Cerberus had been stringing her along for some time and wasn't the hope for humanity that she had been led to believe.  Miranda was beginning to see why Shepard was so hostile toward any and all mention of Cerberus interests.  Even now, being covertly threatened by the Illusive Man, she had absolutely no intention of allowing him to have access to anything that Shepard and Liara may recover; she couldn't afford to get self-righteous now, though.  She remained passive and held to her air of obedience.  At least she could take some solace in the fact that not only did the Illusive Man have no idea where they were right now, but that Shepard's team had been completed, the loyalty of every member strengthened, and their true mission would begin soon enough that he'd quickly forget about the Shadow Broker.

"I rescued Shepard from Lazarus," Miranda reminded him.  "I will deliver the network."

 

*     *     *

 

On Hagalaz, meanwhile, Shepard and her team had finally made their way through waves of mercenaries only to find Feron strapped into a torture chamber.  Incredulous at the possibility that he had been there for two years, Shepard's expression darkened and she followed his instructions to find central control.  She knew what they would find there, and she was right.  The Shadow Broker himself had been sitting calmly at a desk in the middle of the room.

Jesus, he was massive.

Shepard listened carefully to the verbal sparring between Liara and the Broker.  When the huge creature scoffed at her, Liara fired back with both proverbial barrels.

"You're a Yahg.  A pre-spaceflight species quarantined to their homeworld for massacring the Council's first contact teams.  This base is older than your planet's discovery, which means you killed the original Shadow Broker around sixty years ago, and then took over.  I'm guessing you were taken from your world by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave...or a pet."  Liara flashed an uncharacteristic smirk.  Shepard had already paled at the revelation that the creature was part of the most powerful and violent species in the known galaxy.  "How am I doing?"

With a moment's hesitation and a twitch of his ears - were those his ears, or some other appendage? - the Shadow Broker shot up from his seat and split his giant desk in two, tossing one half of it at the group of intruders.  Shepard grabbed Liara by the waist and dragged her out of the way just in time.  After hitting the floor she looked around for Garrus and Zaeed.  Both lay sprawled on the deck, unresponsive.

"Honey," Shepard began, voice dripping with sarcasm, "remember when we had that talk about not pissing off the Yahg?"

Liara allowed Shepard to help her up, keeping her eyes trained on the enraged creature.  "I do not recall ever having such a conversation, love!"

"That's right, we didn't," Shepard retorted, dashing behind cover to avoid being hit by the other half of the desk.  Liara had leaped in the opposite direction.  Shepard quipped, "BUT WE SHOULD'VE!"

The pair, now alone, began their familiar battle dance.  Liara would toss out a singularity, followed by a detonating biotic flare from Shepard.  The detonation would be immediately followed by fire from both of their weapons.  To their disappointment, the Yahg caught on to their rhythm quickly and brought up his tech shields.  Small arms fire was rendered useless.

"Shepard, those shields are designed to stop high-velocity attacks," Liara called.  "Our bullets are useless against them!"

Shepard gave her a look that made her heart stop.  Before Liara could do anything, Shepard left cover and ran out to the middle of the deck to attack the gigantic Broker with her bare hands.  Liara watched in horror as Shepard cocked back a fist and punched the Yahg.  She fully expected him to kill her at any moment.

Shepard was onto something, though.  The Broker tried to get his SMG out, but Shepard's close-quarters attacks kept his attention elsewhere.  It didn't last long, however, and Shepard had to take cover.  As soon as his back was turned, Liara opened fire at him, trusting blindly that Shepard had taken cover safely.  Her shots landed, and the Broker turned to charge Liara.  Ducking back into cover didn't do much - the impact all but destroyed the huge column she was behind, and Liara tumbled to the deck.  Shepard charged back out into the open, renewing her empty-handed attacks, giving Liara time to get to cover and fire again.

They went back and forth the same way for some time until Shepard and Liara ended up together behind the only cover left.  "There's gotta be something that can put a stop to this," Shepard said more to herself than to Liara.

Liara looked up at the ceiling.  The center held back some sort of plasmatic energy, likely collected from the lightning storm that the Shadow Broker's ship rode in front of.  "I have an idea," Liara said.  "If you can get him to bring up that shield again -"

Shepard had followed her line of sight.  "Good.  I've had enough of this shit!"  Without another word, Shepard brazenly stood up and faced the Broker.  She ran for him again, colliding just out from under her target.  She flared her biotics, determined to force him back, but it was no use.  He tossed her away.  She landed on her feet and ran for him again; this time, though, she ducked and slid underneath him, momentum carrying her all the way to the other side of the ruined chamber, where she got back to her feet and attacked him again.

"LIARA, NOW!"

She had to trust again that Shepard knew what she was doing.  Liara stood and, with all her might, focused her biotic energy on the glass panel that held back the plasma.  At the sound of cracking panels, the Broker looked up.  He realized too late what was happening.  Liara realized almost too late that Shepard wasn't far enough away and couldn't call out to her in time.  The plasma enveloped the Broker and he roared in rage and pain, finally exploding in a brilliant flash of light.  Shepard was thrown back like a rag doll.  She hit the bulkhead behind her with a sickening crack and crashed to the deck in a heap.

Liara walked at a brisk pace across the chamber, afraid of what she'd find.  She heaved a sigh of relief when, just a few paces away, Shepard stirred and groaned.

"Ouch," Shepard complained, rolling onto her back.

Liara strolled up to her and held out a hand.  Shepard took it and allowed her lover to help her to her feet.  She nodded at Liara and made her way to the other end of the room to check on her crew, only one of whom was beginning to move again.

Liara looked around at the multi-screen display as an unfamiliar voice broke the silence.  "Shadow Broker, this is Operative Murat.  We've had a momentary connection failure.  Can you confirm status?"

It was the first of a cascade of similar voices, some of them panicked.  "Operative Sura requesting update.  Are we still online?"

"Shadow Broker, I've lost our feed.  We're online and awaiting instructions!"

Liara did the only thing she knew to do.  She keyed the comm link. 

"This is the Shadow Broker.  The situation is under control.  We experienced a power fluctuation while upgrading hardware.  It disrupted communications momentarily, however, we are now back online.  Resume standard procedures.  I want a status report on all operations within the next solar day.  Shadow Broker out."

Shepard turned to Liara in complete shock.  Feron stumbled into the chamber, a pistol at the ready, freezing in place when he saw Liara - not the angry Yahg - at the controls.  Knowing that everyone in the room had a number of questions, Liara turned to face them, her gaze taking in everything she could around her.

"Everyone who has ever seen him in person is dead," Liara said.  "That's why nobody knew who he was.  Many thought he may even be a group."

"You're the new Shadow Broker?"  Feron was almost posing a question, his shock still evident.

"Liara," Shepard stepped toward the Asari.  "Are you sure taking this over is a good idea?  He had a lot of enemies."

"It's either take over or we lose everything," Liara replied.  "His contacts, trading sources...his credits...all of it.  This can really help us, Shepard.  With this information network I can give you...I can..."

Liara's words trailed off as she fought the sobs that stabbed at her lungs.  Feron turned to Garrus and Zaeed, both now standing, and asked for help with "checking the power systems".  Both seemed to understand what he meant and followed without question. 

As the door shut behind them, Liara let go and allowed the tears to flow.  Shepard stepped up behind her and laid a hand on the small of her back in a show of support.

"It's over," Liara said.  "After two years, it's finally over."

Shepard pulled her into a hug, pulling their bodies together as tightly as she could.  Liara held onto Shepard for dear life, still in disbelief over where she now found herself.

"You know that the Illusive Man only helped us because he wants these resources himself," Shepard all but whispered into Liara's neck.

"We cannot let him take it," Liara replied, shifting her face away from Shepard's shoulder so she could speak. 

"I know," Shepard whispered in response.  She pulled away and looked Liara in the eye.  "Are you sure you can do this?"

Liara looked up at Shepard with watery eyes.  "I have to.  I want to go with you, but..."

Shepard kissed her gently.  "I have one last mission before we go after the Collectors," she said.  "I'll come back to see you when it's over."

Liara planted her hands on both sides of her lover's face.  "Be safe, love.  I need you."

 

*     *     *

 

Two days later, Liara had expected the Normandy to return.  Not only had they not returned, but they hadn't sent word, either.  By halfway through the third day she was beginning to get anxious.  She opened up every resource she had to attempt to locate the ship.  She knew that they were going to find a dead Reaper, but she had no idea which system it was located in.  All she knew was that Shepard had promised two days at maximum before she made it back to Hagalaz.

She was nearing a desperate frenzy when Feron called to her from wherever in the ship he was (she often had no idea and preferred to let him work as he felt the need).  He said that a shuttle was inbound, but that its host ship wasn't visible on any of the base's instrumentation.  Liara smiled.  That could only mean the Normandy was in orbit.  Her happy suspicion was confirmed when the shuttle docked and Shepard strode off, her familiar blond hair and confident gait recognizable on the security viewer even from a distance.

"Shepard!"  Liara called over the intercom.  "Meet me in the main chamber!"

Just a few moments later and Shepard walked in, flanked by Garrus.  "I figured Garrus could get a feel for what you've got here while we talk -"

Shepard was silenced by a very excited Liara nearly tackling her, kissing her deeply.

"Spirits," Garrus remarked, walking by without looking back.  "Get a room!"

Shepard and Liara both giggled.  "Come with me," Liara said, turning and all but dragging the Commander along with her.  She led Shepard to the back of the main chamber, through a door, through a sparsely-furnished lounge, and into a massive room that had served as the original Broker's private quarters.  Now it was Liara's.  She obviously hadn't had time to give it any personal touches, but it was definitely comfortable.  The pair walked over to a giant plush sofa and dropped into it.

"Shepard, you look and feel tired," Liara sighed.  "Have you slept at all?"

"Yes," Shepard replied somewhat defensively.  She added sheepishly, "...a little."

"Shepard..."

"I couldn't wait to see you.  A lot happened while we were out there.  We found what we were looking for, and then some.  We brought a Geth on board."

Liara's eyes flew wide open.  "You WHAT?"

"We found him on the dead Reaper," Shepard explained, "he saved our lives.  Tali wasn't very happy at all, but he helped us to get what we needed and then survive to get back to the ship.  He's not at all like what I would consider a Geth to be, Liara.  There's a lot more to that conflict than any of us ever knew.  We detoured to help him re-write the programming for the entire Geth collective."

Liara's jaw went slack.  "Is that even possible?"

"It is.  We did it.  Now we only have one thing left to do."  Shepard hesitated and leaned forward, staring at the floor.

"Alex?"  Liara said her name cautiously.  "I know that look.  What is going on?"

"Meld with me?"  Shepard asked.  "I'm not sure I can work up the courage to say it."

Liara took Shepard's right hand in both of hers and her eyes turned obsidian.  Shepard was waiting with her knowledge: Liara saw their mission to the Reaper.  She heard the discussions about the IFF.  Shepard skipped most of the battles and fast-forwarded to the debriefing - where the crew discussed being dropped off on Hagalaz while the IFF was integrated into the ship's systems and it was tested...

_Before they used it to traverse the Omega-4 Relay._

Liara pulled out of Shepard's mind in a blind panic, driving to her feet and gasping for air, horrified at the news.  Shepard couldn't even look up at first.  She dropped her head into her hands and listened as Liara began to cry.  "No," Liara said.  "No, no, no, no, NO...Alex, no!"

Shepard stood and closed the distance between them quickly, taking Liara by her shoulders and holding her steady.  "Listen," she pleaded.  "Listen to me.  This is why we boarded that Reaper.  This IFF is the exact type that the Collectors use to travel back and forth through that relay."

"You don't know that it will work," Liara shot back.  "Alex, this is suicide!"

"Stop!"  Shepard said quietly, trying to calm her lover.  Liara was nearing hysteria, shivering in terror, her fingers digging into Shepard's shirt as her hands curled into fists.  "Liara, look at me.  I have complete faith that this will work.  If we can stop the Collectors, we might be able to delay the Reapers by another few years!  This could give us more time to prepare and do what the Protheans failed to.  I have a brilliant team coming with me, and I have every intention of bringing every soul on the Normandy - myself included - back, alive and well."

Liara fought hard to get herself under control.  She had to.  Part of her rebelled against everything Shepard had just shown her.  No ship had ever come back from travel through the Omega-4 relay.  After losing the love of her life once, she knew she wouldn't survive it a second time.  Another part of her believed Shepard and knew that she wouldn't leave her behind so flippantly.  If Shepard believed in the plan, then Liara had to.  For one fleeting second, Liara considered letting go of Shepard now and sparing herself the grief of a second death.  She knew that if she did, Shepard would get herself killed and she would feel that grief even more keenly than she did the first time.  She dismissed the thought as quickly as it passed through her mind and dove into Shepard's lips in a passionate, hungry kiss.

 

*     *     *

 

Some hours later, Shepard woke for reasons unknown.  The lights had been dimmed enough to allow limited sight, but the ship was on its night cycle.  Liara had wrapped herself around her rather possessively, as if letting go was forever.  Their lovemaking had been raw, fierce, and heavy; it was completely out of character for Liara, but with the intensity of their reunion and everything that had followed, Shepard wasn't all that surprised.  The disclosure of the nature of their final mission to take out the Collectors had only added to the ardor. 

The renewed buzzing of Shepard's omni-tool revealed the reason for her sudden wakefulness, and Liara groaned in protest as Shepard answered the call that wouldn't seem to go away.

"Shepard," she answered, her voice choked with sleep.

"Commander," Joker's voice replied.  Something in it made Shepard sit bolt upright.

"Joker?"  Shepard said.  Liara was now as awake and attuned to a new crisis.

"Commander, I'm on my way back to pick you up," Joker panted.  "We were attacked.  You need to come back as soon as I get there."

"What's the status of the crew?"  Shepard demanded, launching herself out of bed and collecting her clothes.

"They're gone, Commander," Joker gasped.  The man sounded like he was in pain.  "It was the Collectors.  You and the ground team on the base are all that's left.  They took everyone else on the ship."

"We'll be ready," Shepard promised, shutting down the call and beginning to throw her clothes back on.  Liara followed suit.  She wanted to hold onto her lover and refuse to let her leave, but she'd heard Joker.  She heard the resigned defeat in his tone.  She knew that there was no way to keep Shepard from rescuing her crew, and she would never ask her to stay under such circumstances. 

Once dressed, the couple walked at a brisk pace out to the cargo bay, where the rest of the ground crew slept in the former mercenaries' quarters.  Shepard woke everyone individually and stepped back to give them time to wake up and gather themselves. 

As soon as she saw them all ready, she addressed them.  "The IFF led the Collectors straight to the Normandy.  Joker was able to get the ship away, but the Collectors killed or captured all of the remaining crew on board.  We cannot wait any longer.  In thirty minutes, we will return to the Normandy and set course immediately for the Omega-4 relay.  If any of you have written any letters, hand them to me now.  This will be the last opportunity to make sure that they are delivered in the event that we do not return."

The ground crew looked shaken but they remained focused.  Most of them dug into their kits and retrieved datapads that they handed to Shepard, then filed back onto the shuttle to await departure.

Shepard handed the stack of datapads to Liara.  "Love...I'm so sorry to ask this of you..."

Liara took them and solemnly set them on a nearby workbench.  She turned back to Shepard but had difficulty looking at her.  She was afraid that if she looked into Shepard's eyes, she would finally lose her strength and break down in front of Shepard's crew.  Shepard pulled her into a warm embrace, one that they held far longer than propriety would have allowed, both unwilling to let go.

 _{Come back to me}_ , Liara spoke through their link, not knowing whether it would work.

 _{I can't promise anything, but if it is within my power, I will come back to you}_ , Shepard replied.

Tears escaped Liara's eyes.  _{Do you remember what I told you about the link?}_

Shepard only nodded against Liara's shoulder.

_{I refuse to believe this would happen only for you to...}_

_{I love you, Liara.}_


	10. Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is never really the end.

"Normandy to Base Zero," Joker called through the encrypted comm network. He and Tali had worked on it together so that the signal couldn't be intercepted while they communicated with the Shadow Broker's ship.

"Base Zero, we read you, Normandy," came Feron's distinctive voice.

"Please notify your captain that a shuttle will be docking shortly," Joker said.  He grinned to himself, holding back the inappropriate joke that badly wanted to make its way off of his tongue.

"Acknowledged," Feron replied.  On board Base Zero, the Drell moved out to the cargo bay and gave the commands that would allow the shuttle to land.  A few minutes later the white Cerberus shuttle landed without fully powering down.  The sole passenger, Commander Shepard, stepped out.  She was still in her armor and it was a mess.

Feron appraised the human Spectre before speaking.  "She was on her way to meet you here, but a small crisis broke out.  She's at the terminal in the main chamber."

Shepard nodded and walked toward the corridor that led to the main sections of the ship.  She was exhausted and, Feron noted, limping slightly.  One corridor emptied into another, eventually leading to the same one they had fought their way through barely a week ago.  Shepard followed it eagerly, trying not to drag her feet, only to stop dead in her tracks when the door opened.

A white drone flew through the door and got right in Shepard's face.  She barely heard it speak.  "Greetings, Shadow Broker!"

Shepard stepped back, but the drone followed.  The further she went, the faster she went, the more closely the drone matched her movements.  "Liara?"

From across the chamber, Liara turned to the sound of the semi-panicked call of her name.  Shepard tilted her head to the right and peered at her promised from behind the drone, an expression on her face that screamed, "what the hell?!?"

Liara smiled brightly and walked toward Shepard, explaining as she went.  "It's the old Shadow Broker's information drone!  It really is harmless.  It unfortunately greets everyone in the room as the -"

Liara stopped short and gasped at the sight of her promised.  Shepard's armor was covered in dirt, soot, and blood.  It appeared that a good portion of it was Shepard's.  A painful-looking gash ran across her neck and looked as if it hadn't been tended to at all.  Shepard's face was badly bruised, with another gash leading from just under her hairline, across her eyebrow, and down her left cheek. 

"It looks worse than it feels," Shepard said.

"Why haven't you been to see Karin?"  Liara practically demanded.

"We just rescued her from the Collector base," Shepard sighed.  "There's no way I was going to ask her to take care of a few cuts and scrapes.  She needed rest and care herself."

Liara took her by the hand and led her to her quarters, where she carefully removed the Commander's armor and set it aside.  Next came the armor skins; with that peeled off, Liara could see extensive bruising, but no major wounds or bleeding.  She didn't have the medical programming on her omni-tool to do a more thorough scan, and she was worried that there may be internal injuries.

"Are you certain you're not in any real pain?"  Liara asked again.

"I wouldn't lie to you about this," Shepard reassured her.  "I'm sore, and I will be for a few days, but I promise you nothing hurts."

Liara led her to the bed and laid her down, then disappeared briefly.  She returned with a first aid kit, a handful of neatly-folded cloths, and a small container of warm water.  Pulling a chair to the bedside, Liara set to work cleaning Shepard's wounds as gently as she could.  Whenever she hit a particularly sensitive spot she would wince sympathetically.  Still, she was impressed with Shepard's level of self-control.  Once cleaned, the wounds were covered with a thin sheen of medigel.  Shepard's eyelids began to droop as the slight anesthetic began to work and the burning sensation ebbed.

"You need sleep," Liara said, dipping a clean cloth in the (now cold) water and pressing it to Shepard's forehead.  "It's alright, Alex.  You're safe here."

Shepard drifted off to sleep still staring peacefully at Liara's face.

 

*     *     *

 

Liara felt she had just fallen asleep when she was awakened again by a strange sound.  She opened her eyes to see Shepard turned away from her, sweating profusely, curled into a fetal position.  She was shivering and moaning, the latter a telltale symptom of one of her nightmares.  Although Liara had seen her wake from one, she had never seen this.  She jumped out of bed and moved to the other side, kneeling so she would be level with her lover's face rather than hovering above her.  She tossed the covers off of her and began to gently stroke her arm and shoulder, trying to get her attention.

"Alex," Liara called to her, trying to wake her carefully without startling her.  "Wake up.  Alex, open your eyes!"

With another slight shake, Shepard's eyes opened.  The Commander looked around in an effort to get her bearings.  Her breath came in uneven, short gasps, her body still trying to remember what her brain was barely catching up to - that wherever the nightmare had taken her, she was still in Liara's quarters, and her promised was there, frightened of what she had witnessed.

Liara picked up another clean cloth and soaked it in the water, which by now was almost ice-cold.  The cabin was very cold, although such temperatures had never really bothered Liara and it appeared that Shepard was overheated, anyway.  She delicately swabbed Shepard's face and neck clean of sweat.

"Breathe," Liara said softly, continuing to dab the cold cloth on her lover's face.  "It's alright.  You're still here, with me."  She kept soothing Shepard until she sensed a calm settling over her.

"Where were you?"  Liara asked.

"The Collector base," Shepard replied.  She drew a shuddering breath before continuing.  "I saw people trapped in pods...they were being...killed.  It was horrific, Liara.  Please, don't ask me to show you.  I'd rather shield you from that for as long as I possibly can."

Liara leaned forward and kissed Shepard on the forehead.  She wanted to remind Shepard that she was willing to help shoulder whatever burden she carried, but Liara sensed that what Shepard had seen so deeply disturbed her that she felt it necessary to shield anyone who hadn't been exposed to such horrors.  Shepard had been unwilling to share events with Liara because she wasn't ready to relive them yet, but she had never before refused to share anything because she believed it too awful for Liara to comprehend.  The idea that what had gone on was so abhorrent that Shepard was more concerned about Liara than herself spoke volumes.  It made Liara worry anew for her promised.

She laid the cold cloth on the nightstand and moved back to her side of the bed.  She laid back down and drew Shepard close, wrapping her slender arms around Shepard's torso, ignoring the fact that her body was still damp with sweat.  "I've got you, love."  She kissed the back of Shepard's neck and spoke quietly until her breathing evened out and she sensed Shepard was asleep.

 

*     *     *

 

The couple woke together, in the same position they had fallen back to sleep in, neither willing to move at first.  Each knew that the other was awake, but both were content to enjoy the company and the stillness.  Neither had any idea how long they lay like that before Shepard's omni-tool started buzzing.

Shepard grabbed it from the nightstand, nearly knocking the water over as she did.  She slipped the device onto her wrist and answered the call.  "Joker, this is getting to be a rather irritating trend."

"Commander, a Cerberus cruiser just arrived in the system through the relay," Joker said, ignoring Shepard's remark.  "The Normandy is running in stealth mode and we can get away quickly, but I'd really rather not leave you and Liara behind!"

Shepard and Liara both launched themselves out of bed.  Shepard started getting back into her grimy, bloody armor while Liara yanked hers out of her locker and pulled her skins on.

"Joker, we have a shuttle on board," Shepard all but yelled as she raced to snap her chestplate into place.  "We'll load what we can onto that shuttle and rendezvous with you on the dark side of the planet.  Make sure those Cerberus bastards don't see you!"

"Aye aye," Joker replied, ending the call.

Fully armored, the pair raced out to the main chamber and started working.  "Most of what I need is in this panel," Liara said, beginning to type a string of commands into the haptic interface.  "I'm shutting it down now, then we need to take it apart and get it to the shuttle.  FERON!"

Feron came barrelling into the main chamber at the call of his name.  "What's going on?"

"Cerberus is coming, they're barely two hours away," Liara called without turning to face him.  "Do you remember the plan?"

Feron nodded and turned and sprinted out of the room again.  Shepard came around to the front of the panel and looked at Liara quizzically.

"The plan?"  Shepard repeated.  "You already knew what you wanted to do when they showed up?"

"Of course I did," Liara replied.  "As soon as you left for that Reaper mission, Feron and I started working on it."

"What can I do?"  Shepard asked.

"You're going to help me disassemble this," Liara said.  The entire panel - comprised of a series of smaller panels - went blank.  "It's actually very simple.  Feron is coming with a sled and we're going to take it to the shuttle.  Everything we really need is already right here."

Shepard helped Liara pull the panel down from its cradle and fold it in half.  As they did so, Feron reappeared with the sled, and they carefully loaded it down with the panel and everything that had been stacked around it.  Shepard was impressed with how much planning Liara had done in just over a week.  She started pulling the sled toward the cargo bay only to be stopped by Feron.

"The shuttle is docked at the forward airlock," Feron said.  "on the dark side of the ship, where Cerberus won't be able to see it."

"So we're just taking the essential parts of the Shadow Broker's operation and letting Cerberus have the ship?"  Shepard said incredulously.

"No," Liara shook her head.  "We're setting a trap.  I can only hope they sent one of the Illusive Man's favorite people to lead this assault!"

All three began moving the heavy sled toward the forward airlock, making slow but certain progress.  With only twenty minutes to spare they finally made it and began loading the shuttle.  As they pushed the sled away and boarded the shuttle themselves, alarms began blaring.  Cerberus had done exactly what Liara anticipated - they had blown open the cargo hold and landed their troop transports there.  Shepard pulled the door shut and locked it, hitting the pressurization switch before turning to strap herself into a seat. 

Liara was already strapped in, while Feron was in the pilot's seat going through startup procedures.  The longer it took, the more concerned Shepard was that they might not make it.  Cerberus had to know by now that nobody was aboard.  Liara, however, had everything in hand.  Typing a series of commands into her omni-tool, her holo appeared; on it was a skull and crossbones.  The skull's jaw moved with a recording of sardonic laughter.

Shepard slowly smiled, impressed with Liara's "fuck you" attitude.

Liara grinned back at her.  "I saw it in a very old Terran vid."

Shepard threw her head back and laughed.  Right then, the shuttle clamps released and the small ship took off.  A minute later, Liara typed another series of commands into her omni-tool, and Shepard heard a series of explosions.

"They never knew what hit them," Liara remarked, quite pleased with herself.  "I rigged the drive core to overload, causing several explosions.  Better to go out this way than to let Cerberus have it!"

Shepard grabbed one of Liara's hands, lifted it to her mouth and kissed it.  "You continually amaze me, love."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard wanted to have the Normandy meet them in the middle, but she had no idea whether there might be any more Cerberus vessels nearby.  Feron wasn't the best pilot, but he knew better than to give off any heat signatures that might be picked up.  It took an hour, but they met the Normandy exactly where Shepard had told Joker to park it.  After landing in the cargo bay - which was an absolute disaster after their massive battle on the other side of the Omega-4 relay - all three piled out of the shuttle to the greeting of Garrus, Tali, and Grunt.

The massive Krogan smacked Shepard on the back.  "You should have brought me, battlemaster!  We could have had some fun!"

"Sorry, Grunt," Shepard apologized.  "If it makes you feel any better, there wasn't a fight.  Liara already had a trap planned.  We blew 'em to hell."

"Impressive," Garrus said.  "You have a message from Admiral Hackett, though.  He wanted to speak to you in private.  He's on hold in your quarters."

Shepard and Liara looked at one another before heading off to the lift.  They took it up to the captain's cabin, where Liara sat down on the sofa on the lower living area.  Shepard answered the call and the glass display case that held her ship models turned into a huge call screen.

"Commander, thank you for your time.  I'll keep this brief.  We have a deep-cover operative out in Batarian space.  Name's Doctor Amanda Kenson.  Doctor Kenson recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion."

Shepard stood up straight and crossed her arms.  "So why call me?"

"Just this morning I received word that the Batarians arrested her.  They're holding her in a secret prison outpost on terrorism charges," Hackett replied, oddly not bothered by Shepard's annoyed response.  "I need you to infiltrate the prison and get her out of there.  As a favor to me, I'm asking you to go in alone."

Just out of sight, Liara bit back her "absolutely not!"

Shepard dropped her gaze for a moment and thought carefully before responding.  She was on the run from Cerberus anyway.  She had refused the Illusive Man's order to capture the Collector Base, opting instead to destroy it.  She had also taken off with the Normandy SR-2.  If nothing else, an N7 mission would be a nice opportunity to hide somewhere even Cerberus wouldn't go.  "I'm on it, Sir."

Hackett sat back in his chair.  "The prison is hidden underground at a Batarian outpost on Aratoht.  I'll upload the coordinates now.  Once she's secure, confirm her discovery.  We'll debrief you when you're back.  Hackett out."  The screen went blank again.

Shepard sighed heavily.  Liara stood and walked back up to the office niche and faced her.

"You need a break," Liara noted aloud. 

"We all do," Shepard replied.  "After this, I promise...we'll point the ship toward the Citadel and go get the rest we need."  She opened her comm link on the desk.  "Joker, set a course for the Bahak system."

"We're on our way," Joker replied.  After setting in the course he continued, "We're a good twenty-four hours out, ma'am.  Probably a good time for you to get some rest."

Liara smiled.  "Even Joker knows you're worn out."

Shepard shook her head.  "I, uh...I really need a shower.  And I thought, maybe you could keep me company."

Liara leaned in for a quick kiss.  "Funny.  I was just thinking the same thing."

"What, that I needed a shower?"  Shepard joked.

"Yes, Alex," Liara quipped.  "Badly!"

"You -"  Shepard pulled her gloves off as she chased the Asari down to the living area.


	11. Trade Yourself In

The plan had been simple: Get in, get Dr. Kenson, and get out. It ended up being far more complicated.

Shepard had made her way out to the docks and fought through more Batarian troops and a handful of human and Salarian mercenaries only to find herself talking to Harbinger.  Her body screamed in pain, her head pounded, and she had to fight to stay on her feet, but she remained defiant to the end.  She had called for help; the Normandy took longer than she would have liked, but when it finally sat down she felt a great swell of relief.  She ran up the ramp as fast as her legs would carry her, stumbling most of the way, her feet unwilling to cooperate.  Once on board with the ramp closed she activated her throat comm.

"Joker, get us out of here NOW!"  Shepard ordered.

"You don't have to tell me twice!"  Joker replied.  He pulled the ship into a near-vertical climb and beat feet for the relay. 

Shepard trudged to the lift, still fighting to remain on her feet.  Liara was already in the lift on her way down to meet her.  Shepard all but fell onto her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders in a silent request for physical support.  As the lift made its way to the CIC, Liara tried to speak to Shepard through their link to no avail.  Shepard couldn't hear her.  Liara sensed some kind of psychological "noise" in Shepard's mind.  She was hearing something else and fighting desperately to keep it at bay.

The lift door opened and Liara helped her to the Galaxy map.  Kelly Chambers, Shepard's yeoman, turned to face her, visibly paled.  "The Bahak system has gone completely dark, Commander," she said.

Shepard never heard her.  She had grabbed the railing to steady herself and now stood unresponsive, shivering violently.  With quaking hands she slid her helmet off; it clattered to the deck.  Her hands went to her head and she turned around.  Liara stepped forward to support her and ended up holding her up.  Shepard's eyes rolled back and her body went lifeless.

"Somebody help me," Liara cried.  "We need to get her to the medbay!"

 

*     *     *

 

"Karin, I think she's waking up," Liara said.

Dr. Chakwas moved to Shepard's side and started a scan.  When Shepard's eyes fluttered open, she had expected to see smiles.  Instead she saw looks of consternation, deep worry etched into Liara's face especially. 

"Commander, how do you feel?"  Dr. Chakwas asked.

Shepard blinked.  "Hungry," she replied as her stomach growled loudly.

Dr. Chakwas and Liara exchanged a look.  "I'm serious, Commander," Dr. Chakwas panned.  "You've been out for four days and gave both of us quite a fright.  I need to know how you feel."

"My head hurts," Shepard replied.  "I suppose that's to be expected."

"Are you hearing any auditory hallucinations?"  Dr. Chakwas continued.

Shepard looked at her in confusion.  "Why would I?"

Dr. Chakwas shut off her omni-tool.  "Shepard, you've been out, but every few hours for the past four days you've begun to talk," she explained.  "Sometimes you've screamed.  Much of the time you've seemed to have entire conversations with someone who isn't here.  You repeatedly said, 'I can hear you'."

Shepard stared at her in bewilderment.  "I don't remember any of that."

"What is the last thing you remember?"  Dr. Chakwas asked.

"I remember getting back on the ship," Shepard replied.  "I remember Liara...then nothing."

"Liara tried for three days to meld with you," Dr. Chakwas sighed.  "She said she couldn't get into your mind.  She felt another presence there, and whatever it was blocked her until this morning."

"Shepard, you disappeared for two days," Liara said, stroking Shepard's left arm.  "We couldn't even pick up your armor's beacon on the scanners.  Your subconscious fought me when I tried to access that memory."

Shepard took Liara's hand and nodded, giving her silent permission to meld with her again.  In a flash she was inside Shepard's mind, and Shepard immediately began recalling the events of her mission.  Sneaking past the guards...finding Dr. Kenson...then being attacked not only by Kenson, but by several other humans in the lab.  She saw the Reaper artifact, heard Kenson talking about taking Shepard alive for indoctrination.  She felt what Shepard felt when she woke, trying to fight the presence in her mind even as she fought a physical battle to escape.  She saw the conversation with Harbinger.  Then, at the point where Shepard had gone unresponsive, she felt the debilitating wave of pain that had washed over her at the same moment that the relay was destroyed.

"Shepard, I keep seeing a number in your mind," Liara said as she slowly exited the meld.  "304,905.  What does that mean?"

Shepard sighed.  "That's the number of people on the colony.  Every one of them died when the relay was destroyed.  I would have had time to warn them and give them time to evacuate...I tried, but..."

Liara bent down and wrapped Shepard in a warm embrace.  "You did everything you could in the face of overwhelming odds, Alex.  You stopped the Reapers again.  You gave us time.  Don't ever forget that."

 

*     *     *

 

"Take her off this ship," Dr. Chakwas had said.  "I don't care where you go, Liara, but she needs time away from here.  The Alliance will come calling for her soon enough.  I will take care of the crew for now; you take care of her while you have the chance."

Liara had taken Dr. Chakwas' admonishment seriously and took Shepard back to her apartment on Illium.  The Normandy had docked there for repairs (which would be extensive after their final battle).  Neither had really been the public sightseeing types, preferring either sites that were off the beaten path or staying home to enjoy each other's company.  Now was no exception.  There was so much lost time to make up for, so much that they had needed to talk about.  Two days after returning to Liara's apartment, they hadn't left.  As the sun set over Nos Astra they climbed back into bed. 

They quickly found their way to each other's arms, meeting in a long, slow kiss.  They hadn't had this much time to themselves in a very long time.  As they eased into their lovemaking, Liara gave Shepard a heavy-lidded look.  "So...what happens next?  Where do we go from here?"

Shepard smiled lightly and kissed the top of Liara's shoulder.  "Marriage..."  She kissed the nape of her neck.  "Old age..."  She kissed under her jaw.  "A lot of little blue children..."

Liara laughed aloud.  "Easy for you to say!  Humans give birth after nine months.  Asari spend two years in pregnancy."

Shepard balked.  "Goddess!"  She swore, eliciting another laugh from her lover.  "Two years of swollen feet and morning sickness?"

"It would be worth it," Liara replied.  She ran a tantalizing hand up the inside of Shepard's thigh, smiling at the reaction.  "I would love to have children with you.  It would be some time before I could, but..."

Shepard rolled over on top of Liara and kissed her again.  "We will have that future, Liara.  The Lazarus Project gave us a minimum of five centuries, maybe more.  I won't waste it."

 

*     *     *

 

The next morning, they woke to the sound of Shepard's omni-tool buzzing.  Rolling her eyes, she picked it up, fully expecting Joker to be on the other end.

"Joker, somebody had better be dying," Shepard grumbled.

"As much as I respect your relationship with your flight lieutenant, I still don't understand why you use his irreverent nickname," came Admiral Hackett's voice.

Shepard's eyes widened and she thanked whichever god or goddess had given her the presence of mind not to open the vidcall feature.  She and Liara were still both as naked as the day they were born.  "Admiral Hackett...I apologize.  It's usually my pilot waking me up."

"I am sorry to wake you, but this couldn't wait," Hackett sighed.  "I received your report."

Shepard swallowed hard.  "What questions can I answer for you, Admiral?"

"I wish I could tell you I had questions and that was all this was about," Hackett replied.  "Unfortunately, this is far more serious.  I sent you in an effort to avoid Alliance exposure.  The idea was to avert an intergalactic war, especially with the Reapers coming.  The Batarians know exactly who sent that asteroid hurtling into the Bahak relay and they're after your blood."

Liara gasped and sat bolt upright.

"What does that mean for us, Admiral?"  Shepard calmly asked.

"The only thing we can do is take you into Alliance custody," Hackett replied.  "It will only be for show, Commander.  There won't be any hearings and you won't be charged.  You'll essentially be under house arrest at Alliance HQ in Vancouver.  While you're there, you'll help prepare for the Reaper invasion any which way you can."

"You're arresting her?"  Liara blurted. 

Shepard was annoyed at Liara's outburst, but she couldn't really get angry. 

"Doctor T'Soni, we will and we won't," Hackett replied coolly.  "As I mentioned, this won't be a real arrest.  We're trying to head off a war.  Now would be the worst possible time for us to end up in a major conflict with the Hegemony.  The Batarians are few in number, but there's still enough of them to make a serious mess of things.  If we make a show of taking her into custody, we keep her safe and avoid a crisis."

"The Normandy is undergoing repairs, Admiral," Shepard said.  "I had already promised to hand her over to the Alliance, along with all of the intel I was able to gather on Cerberus.  I will make sure to be in my dress blues when I arrive in Vancouver."

"I'm sorry, Commander, doubly so to your bondmate," Hackett apologized.  "I believe everything you wrote in your report.  I'm not sure if that's any comfort, but I believe you and I am fighting as hard as I can for you."

"My thanks, Admiral," Shepard replied.  "I will see you in three days."

Liara got out of bed and headed for the shower.  Shepard sat up and ran a hand through her hair, feeling guilty all over again.  Compounding that feeling was the knowledge that she felt worse about letting down her promised than she did about causing what amounted to genocide.  She heard the water turn on and got out of bed herself, quietly joining Liara.

Shepard reached out and ran her hands down Liara's sides, finding their familiar place on her hips.  "I know it doesn't make this any easier, but he's right," Shepard said.  "This is the best solution."

Liara turned to face her, planting her hands on Shepard's upper chest.  "We don't have to do this!  I can give you a new identity, I have contacts everywhere!  We can -"

Shepard stilled her words with a firm thumb on her lips.  "I don't want to leave you.  I promise you, it won't be forever.  We both know that the Reapers are coming.  I'll talk Hackett into bringing you onto his team so you won't be far from me.  We probably won't be able to see one another, but we might be close enough to communicate through the link."

Liara took Shepard's face in her hands.  "If they dare to try you, none of them will be able to stop me from freeing you."

Shepard kissed her enticingly.  "I trust Hackett.  That won't be necessary."

 

*     *     *

 

Their last day on Illium went far too quickly for either of their comfort.  Two days aboard the Normandy wasn't enough, either.  They made one last stop at Omega to allow any Cerberus crew who wished to do so to leave.  Nearly all of them did, including Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor.  Their goodbyes were quick and full of promises to be ready if Shepard ever needed them.  Finally, the Normandy arrived in the Sol system.  They were met by an escort of five Alliance fighters that brought them in to Vancouver airspace, where the Normandy docked with little ceremony.

Shepard was already dressed sharply in her dress blues.  Liara had always thought she looked incredible in the formal uniform and tried to drink in the sight as much as possible before Shepard was taken away.  As they stood in front of the airlock, the traditional boatswain's call came over the intercom.

"Admiral Steven Hackett requesting permission to board," said EDI.

"Permission granted," Shepard replied.  She snapped to attention as the airlock opened, revealing Admiral Hackett and three MPs.  One of them was a great mountain of a man, a solid wall of muscle who should have looked much angrier.  Instead, he looked at the Commander with something Liara would have described as sorrow.

"Commander Alexandra Shepard, I regret to inform you that you are being taken into Alliance custody," Hackett spoke sharply.  "You will be held in diplomatic detention pending an investigation into the destruction of the Bahak relay and your activities with a known terrorist organization."

Hackett stepped aside and the massive MP closed the distance in a single step.  "I'm sorry, Commander," he said, applying biotic suppressors to her wrists.  "I have a hell of a lot of respect for you.  I'm Lieutenant James Vega.  I'll be your personal guard for the duration."

Shepard nodded at him, unable to return his salute.  She turned to Liara and leaned in for one last kiss.  She didn't care who was watching or whether they may be recorded; she kissed her lover deeply, leaving no question to anyone present what they were to one another.  As they separated and Shepard was led away, she sent all of the love and affection she could through their link.

_{This isn't forever, sweetheart.  I love you more than you'll ever know.}_

_{Not as much as I love you.}_


	12. Here's A Health To The Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title of this one is different...it's not a song by Shinedown. It's an old Irish tune, one of many I've grown up singing and playing. It's originally about the droves of Irish and Scots emigrating to America; I felt that it held an appropriate parallel to the spirit of jumping onto the Normandy and leaving Earth and all of the emotions associated with it. Another song that came to mind is an even older tune - in Gaelíge - although "Gleanntian Ghlas Ghaoth Dobhair" would have been a mite more confusing.

Shepard stepped off of the lift into the CIC. It was, for the most part, as she had left it six months prior; it looked as if it had been yanked out of dry dock too early, and it had been. Despite her repeated warnings, nobody was ready for the Reapers when they started landing in the major cities, especially Vancouver. London was hit first and Shepard had caught fleeting images of the attack minutes before the first Sovereign-class destroyers sat down right in front of Alliance HQ.

Now, as she practically marched through the CIC and down the navigation plank and into the cockpit, she had never been more relieved to see Jeff Moreau at the helm.  "Joker, what's our ETA to the Mars Archive?"

"Four hours," Joker replied.

"Please tell me you're not joking," Shepard shut her eyes against the possibility that he had picked the wrong time to play a cruel prank.

"No, ma'am," Joker replied.  "You don't wanna know how fast we're going or how many regs we're breaking."

"I don't care if you have to buzz the station," Shepard replied, referring to a small refueling port between Earth and Mars.  "Get us there as fast as you possibly can."

 

*     *     *

 

Five hours later, Shepard, Kaidan Alenko, and James Vega made their way into the Mars Archive.  Kaidan had already been giving her grief over Cerberus' presence there and Shepard rapidly lost patience with the man.  She understood asking the question once, but he wouldn't shut the hell up.  Every time they came across another dead Cerberus mercenary, he felt it necessary to make another comment.

All Shepard could think about was getting to Liara.  Admiral Hackett had sent the Normandy to the Archive to pick up Liara and her research - something that was supposed to be extremely important to the war effort.  Hackett had jumped at the chance to have Dr. Liara T'Soni researching the Prothean finds in Alliance hands.  For the first four months of Shepard's "house arrest", Liara had been in Vancouver, often not far from diplomatic detention and occasionally able to communicate through their link.  The day after Hackett left Earth, however, Liara was sent to the Mars Archive.  That was when things dramatically changed for Shepard.  Captain Anderson was shuttled off to other tasks.  Shepard was left to the devices of intel officers who hated her for working with Cerberus and refused to believe that she had willingly given up all of the intel she was able to collect.

They weren't far into the facility when the unmistakable sound of someone crawling (at a deafening rush) through air ducts met their ears.  Gunshots rang out, and Shepard could swear she heard a familiar voice grunting and gasping beneath it all.  She took cover, Kaidan and Vega close behind her, as she followed the ridiculous noise to a large grate.  The grate was kicked out and someone swung wide through it.  The sound of a singularity hit her ears and at least two - maybe three - Cerberus troops yelled helplessly.  More shots rang out, and the yelling was silenced.  Shepard peeked out and was relieved beyond words to see Liara standing over two dead troops, holstering her pistol.

"Liara," she called out, moving for her at a brisk pace.  When recognition lit up Liara's face they met in the middle and embraced one another tightly.

"Goddess," Liara wispered into Shepard's neck.  "When I saw the reports from Earth..."

"We're alright," Shepard promised.  "Hackett ordered us here.  He said you found something that could mean the difference between winning the war and galactic annihilation..."

Liara pulled away and held Shepard at arm's length.  "It's just a blueprint, but yes.  It's a weapon.  Massive in size and scope.  It appears that the Protheans never finished it."

"So we have no way to know if it would have worked?"  Vega interjected.

"No, James," Liara replied, turning to face the huge Marine.  She had memorized his face and name the day that her lover had been carted off in biotic suppressors.  "Though from what I've seen, had the Protheans completed it, their cycle may not have ended and we would not be having this conversation."

"Good," Shepard sighed.  "Then we can get out of here!"

"Not quite," Liara stopped her.  "I hadn't finished gathering the data I needed before Cerberus attacked.  We have to make it back to the main Archive to collect it."

Shepard's shoulders visibly slumped.  Liara had never seen her do anything like it before.  She reached out and grazed the edge of Shepard's mind, only to be "shoved" away.  Shepard had her walls up and sensed the attempt; she snapped her head up with a look of what Liara could only describe as terror in her eyes.  Liara's jaw dropped slightly, and a concerned furrow took up residence on her forehead.  Now was not the time to deal with it, but it was something that Liara fully intended to talk to her about as soon as they had a free moment.  This was not her promised, not as she had been six months ago.  Something had happened.

 

*     *     *

 

Liara called after Shepard, knowing full well that it was pointless to do so.  Dr. Coré had sprinted off with the data that they needed, and Shepard wasn't about to let her get away.  Cerberus had managed to enhance her in every way.  Shepard was able to run much faster than she had before, and her body - thanks to bone, muscle, and skin weaves - was able to stand up to far more abuse.  Liara knew it, but she couldn't help herself.  Coré was an AI and capable of doing far more damage than any organic species.

Shepard tore after her with abandon.  Her enhanced abilities and senses helped greatly, but she nearly lost the synthetic before finally catching up as Coré managed to hit the shuttle landing pad.  It was too little, too late.  The synthetic jumped onto a shuttle.

"Shepard to Normandy!  Anybody!"  Shepard hollered into her throat comm.  "We have to get that data!"

"I got this one," Vega replied.  Happy that the Commander had sent him back to the shuttle, Vega steered the Kodiak shuttle flying Alliance colors directly into the outdated Cerberus shuttle, forcing a crash.  The white shuttle came rolling back to the deck just as Kaidan and Liara came around the corner, putting both in the line of fire.  Kaidan saw the look of horror on Shepard's face and instinctively grabbed Liara, launching them forward and away from the crash that was about to happen at his back.  He managed to clear the wreck just in time.  Shepard met them and helped both to their feet, thanking Kaidan profusely.

Then, a unique sound stopped everyone in their tracks. 

Coré kicked the burning shuttle door out and cast a withering glare at the group.  Before anyone could stop him, Kaidan charged her, not thinking what everyone else had already figured out - that she was a machine.  With no effort at all, the AI stopped him with a clothesline-like hand to his throat.  She picked him up off his feet and held him there.  "Orders?"  She asked of nobody nearby.

After a short pause, before anyone could react, Coré whirled around and repeatedly bashed his head into the burning wreckage of the Cerberus shuttle.

"NO!"  Shepard screamed, pulling her pistol.  Liara watched helplessly as the AI turned to charge Shepard and her lover refused to give an inch of ground.  Shepard leveled her Paladin heavy pistol at the humanoid machine and took aim, coolly firing one round after another.  Liara didn't realize until the AI crashed at her feet that Shepard had been holding her breath.  She heard Shepard exhale mightily and clapped an armored hand on the Commander's shoulder, pulling her back to the present.  Shepard rushed forward without turning to look at Liara; she picked Kaidan up and slung him over her shoulders in a soldier's hitch, carrying him back to the Normandy as the ship lowered itself just enough for the ground crew to board.  They clambered onto the ramp as Shepard gave the order for Joker to begin to ascend.  The ramp closed as the Normandy pulled into a steep climb.

Just then, Shepard noticed that Vega had had the presence of mind to pick up the ruined carcass of Coré.  She said nothing as they entered the lift up to the crew deck, where the medbay was.  Once the doors opened they burst out, around the corner to their left, and into the medbay.  Shepard laid Kaidan down on the nearest bed and began checking the basics that any field medic would think to look for: airway, breathing, circulation, then vital signs.  _BLS before ALS_ , she thought to herself, going back to her training.  Kaidan was breathing; it was shallow but adequate.  His airway was clear.  Stripping off his armor revealed no major bleeds, at least not externally.  Without a proper doctor aboard, there was little Shepard could do but fall back on her field medic training from N-school.  His vital signs showed the middle stage of shock, but there was little they could do except to monitor his vital signs, keep him warm, start an IV to pump him full of fluids, and maybe later put him on supplemental oxygen to keep his blood oxygenation at an acceptable level.  His tags marked him as O+, but nobody in the medbay at the time had his blood type and they had no synth available.

Shepard turned to Vega, who had dumped the body of the AI to the deck.  "Put her in the AI core and raise a shield," she ordered.  "We might be able to retrieve some important intel from her core."

Vega hefted the machine back onto his shoulders and did as he was ordered.  Shepard then turned to Liara.

"Are you alright?"  She asked.

Liara nodded and, hoping nobody would notice, gently took one of Shepard's hands.  "Come with me," she all but whispered.  Shepard didn't argue.

 

*     *     *

 

The pair had barely made it to the lift and the doors hadn't even completely closed when they turned and collided in another close embrace.  It was instinct at this point.  Liara ran an errant hand through Shepard's blond locks, cupping the shaved end of her skull against her for a moment until the lift reached Shepard's quarters.  Shepard hadn't had the opportunity to survey her cabin prior to the mission, but it was - for the most part - left much the same as it had been when she left it.  Liara took her hand and led her to the lower level (which, really, was only separated from the upper level by three steps) where she motioned for Shepard to remove her armor.  Liara followed suit until both were stripped to their armor skins. 

Liara then led Shepard over to the neatly-made bed (which she suspected hadn't been occupied since she and Shepard had made it six months ago).  They both sat down together and Liara took one of Shepard's hands in her left while she stroked Shepard's hair with her right.

"Alex..."  Liara breathed.

"I can't tell you how relieved I am that you're safe," Shepard nearly sobbed.  Now that she wasn't in front of the whole crew, she could be honest.

Liara already had tears streaming down her cheeks.  She leaned forward and plastered their foreheads together.  "Shepard...what happened?"  Liara begged.  "I tried to talk to you and..."

Shepard slammed her eyes shut, although she refused to sever their physical connection.  "Love, after you left for Mars..."

"What?"  Liara pleaded.  "What did they do to you?  You have never blocked me out, Alex."  Liara allowed a hand to wander heavily up Shepard's side, across her chest, and up to her cheek.

Shepard hesitated.  "The Alliance hired an Asari," she finally said.

Liara's eyes snapped open.  "For what?"

"Interrogation."

Liara pulled back and tried to look Shepard in the eye, but Shepard's gaze had latched onto her lap.  "What...did...they...do...?"

"They didn't trust me," Shepard replied, heaving a sigh.  "As soon as they rid themselves of you, Hackett, and Anderson, intel sent another Asari to force my mind open.  She..."  Her voice tailed off, unable to complete her thought.

"Goddess," Liara sobbed.  "How long did this go on?"

"Two months.  I think."

Liara had heard that some Asari had been hired by various galactic governments for their mental extraction abilities.  She had simply refused to believe it until now.  Forcing your way into the mind of another was taboo on Thessia and on all Asari colonies.  It was considered a cultural anathema, something that hadn't changed in thousands of years.  Because of the Asari's natural ability to meld psychologically, laws had been written millenia before Liara's birth to ensure that their race would never be considered a danger to others.  That had never stopped some from accepting large sums of money from different governments (the Alliance was rumored to be the worst offender) to exercise their gift for exactly the act that was most frowned upon both legally and culturally.  Liara never would have thought such a thing would have been wielded as a weapon against her greatest love.  The fact that Shepard had no real notion of how long it had gone on broke her heart.  It meant that it really had happened and whoever had been hired to break Shepard mentally was both talented and brutal.

Liara had no idea what to say.  It would take months, maybe years, to really repair the damage done to Shepard's psyche.  After everything else she had been through, it was unconscionable that the only family that Shepard had ever really known would betray her so callously.  Shepard had given everything - up to her very life - to protect those she loved, including the Alliance.  This was their thanks?

Liara gathered the quaking soldier into her arms and did her best to provide the only support and comfort she knew how to offer.  This was unfair on a level that defied description.  The only thing she knew for sure was that Shepard was the only person capable of coming up with a strategy and a solid plan to lead the galaxy into battle against the Reapers, and the Alliance had done their level best to destroy her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to anyone who catches the modern medical references. I very seriously doubt that military field medicine and EMS will be anything like today's standard two centuries from now, but...hey. I'm familiar with it.


	13. Shed Some Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebuilding begins in more ways than one.

Karin Chakwas sat deep in thought. Across the desk from her sat Liara T'Soni, and the Asari was in tears. She had just finished telling Dr. Chakwas about what the Alliance had done to Shepard. Dr. Chakwas had heard rumors of the Alliance using Asari in clandestine operations to break into the minds of suspects, but she never would have believed they would use such a tactic against a hero as highly decorated at Commander Shepard.

"I need to reach Admiral Anderson and Admiral Hackett," Dr. Chakwas said quietly.  Her quiet overlaid an anger that Liara had never seen in the ship's chief medical officer before.  "I know you want to help her, Liara, but this is the sort of thing that requires professionals trained to deal with such incidents.  I personally know an Asari therapist who specializes in this very issue.  She has a practice here on the Citadel near the embassy offices.  I will contact her and set an appointment."

"Do you think Shepard will go?"  Liara asked.

"She will have no choice," Dr. Chakwas replied.  "We all need her at her best, and right now she's not even halfway there.  If there is any chance that she may endanger the mission or any of the crew - human or alien - I have a professional obligation to remove her from duty and make sure she is cared for.  This is now our priority.  Where is the Commander now?"

Liara leaned forward on her elbows and choked back a sob.  "In a meeting with Councilor Udina.  She's trying to get the Turians to enter into an agreement for war support."

Dr. Chakwas sighed heavily.  "I will immediately contact Dr. Alani's office and make sure she can see the Commander before we leave.  I cannot allow her to return to duty until I know that she's stable."

"She will not be happy," Liara remarked.  "One other thing...the last time we were together, Shepard was having terrible nightmares.  She had another one while she slept on the way here, so severe that when I tried to wake her, she attacked me.  She wouldn't tell me what she was dreaming about this time.  She was shivering and sweating and moaning in her sleep."

"She'll be of no use to anyone until she's treated," Dr. Chakwas reminded her.  "I will make sure Doctor Alani is aware of the nightmares."

 

*     *     *

 

"Karin, I don't usually hear directly from you," Admiral Hackett said, a look of concern on his normally grizzled features.  "Something must be very serious."

"Serious, indeed," Dr. Chakwas replied.  "Did you keep tabs on Commander Shepard after you left Vancouver?"

"I tried, but I was very busy, Doctor," Hackett said. 

"Alliance intelligence operations hired an Asari to break into her mind, Admiral," Dr. Chakwas nearly growled.  "As I know how fond you are of the Commander, I refuse to believe that you had anything to do with it.  I would like to know why you would leave her to the mercy of an organization that we all know hated Cerberus enough to torture one of the Alliance's greatest heroes!"

Hackett was speechless at first.  He was on the edge of showing emotion, something Dr. Chakwas had never seen him do.  "I don't know what to say, Karin.  I have control of intel and anything like that is supposed to be approved by me first.  I have never approved the hiring of an Asari for the purpose of breaking into anyone's mind, certainly never for use against Shepard.  Had I known they intended to do something like that, I would have ended it before it began.  I swear to you I will round up everyone responsible for this and make sure they face justice for treason.  How long did they keep this up?"

"We aren't certain, but Shepard seems to have been able to keep written records well enough to pinpoint it at two months," Dr. Chakwas replied.  "It appears to have started the day after Doctor T'Soni left for the Mars Archive."

"Well, it makes sense that they wouldn't want Doctor T'Soni around to see another Asari at Alliance HQ," Hackett thought aloud.  "She would have definitely questioned this woman's presence since she was supposed to be the only one there.  What that also means is that the other Asari would have stood out like a sore thumb.  That should make the investigation relatively easy."

"I'm afraid that the process of treating the Commander will not be a simple one, Admiral," Dr. Chakwas sighed.  "I have already made an emergency appointment with a very skilled Asari counselor here on the Citadel, and I cannot in good conscience clear Commander Shepard for full duty until she's been adequately treated.  I understand that you need her, but this is very serious.  Shepard's condition was in such straits that Doctor T'Soni came to me as soon as the Normandy docked.  It may be best for us to bring Doctor Alani aboard the Normandy for the forseeable future."

"I will approve whatever resources you need, Karin," Hackett promised.  "If this counselor is as talented as you claim, I will authorize whatever pay scale you request."

"Thank you, Admiral," Dr. Chakwas said.  "I will report back to you as soon as I have news."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard walked out of Councilor Udina's office and dropped her head into one hand.  Sparatus had come back to Udina's office to give her an offer of support that was actually more of a massive headache than anything else.  The Turians wanted Krogan support; this after all of the animosity that had run on for centuries between the two races because of the Krogan Rebellion and the genophage.  Shepard was no diplomat, and now she was being asked to set the soldier aside and make peace between races whose hatred for each other spanned such an extensive period of time that Shepard's Irish ancestors hadn't been born yet. 

She checked her buzzing omni-tool and found a new message. 

_When you are done, please meet me on the lower level of the embassy level - opposite the embassy clerks.  It is the council medical section._

_Love you ~ Liara_

Shepard's eyes narrowed as she descended the stairs, took a left turn, and walked to the other end of the level, an area she had never had cause to visit before.  There, outside a nondescript office, stood Liara - along with Karin Chakwas.  Shepard sped up to greet the Doctor with a tired smile.

"Karin!"  Shepard called to her.  Dr. Chakwas turned to face her with a smile of her own, her eyes rimmed with tears.

"Commander," Dr. Chakwas replied.  The pair hugged tightly.  "Thank god you are still with us.  I was so worried when I saw the vids from Earth."

"Please tell me you'll be coming back to the Normandy," Shepard begged.

"I was just waiting for word from you," Dr. Chakwas grinned. 

"The word is given," Shepard replied.  "Welcome back to the Normandy."

Dr. Chakwas sighed heavily.  "Good.  Now...as the Normandy's chief medical officer, I am going to give you an order that you may not like."

Shepard looked at her quizzically.

"Liara told me about what happened," Dr. Chakwas said gently.  "I cannot release you for duty right now."

Shepard's face turned dark.  "Karin, there is no way anyone can afford me being out of commission right now!"

It was Liara's turn to step forward and put a calming hand on Shepard's arm.  "Shepard...you need treatment.  I can't help with what was done to you, however badly I may want to.  There's a counselor in this office who is an expert on this, and Admiral Hackett has authorized us to bring her on board the Normandy as the ship's counselor.  For now, we've made an appointment for you.  It starts in just a few minutes."

Shepard was visibly angry, yet her face betrayed the fact that she knew they were both right.  She was still tense when she begrudgingly nodded.  "Where do you propose we put her, Karin?"

Dr. Chakwas had apparently already thought about it.  "I thought the life support bay would be a good place for an office."

 _Thane's old quarters_ , Shepard thought.  "We'll make it happen."

Just then, the office door opened, and a very patient-looking Asari matron smiled out at the trio.  "Commander Shepard," Dr. Alani greeted her.  "Please, come in."

Liara gave Shepard's hand one last squeeze as the Commander disappeared into the office.

 

*     *     *

 

Dr. Chakwas and Liara went to a small cafe in the Presidium Commons for lunch.  The Doctor knew full well that Liara would work herself into a mess if they sat outside the office, so a distraction was necessary.  Lunch seemed like the best option.  They spent two hours catching up; that mostly meant that Liara told her everything that had happened from the moment Shepard was led away from her ship in biotic suppressors.  Dr. Chakwas talked briefly about the groundside assignment she'd had on Earth before being shipped off to the Citadel, but it was boring in comparison to all of the goings-on in Vancouver.  Liara related that despite having no real access to diplomatic detention, she was close enough that they were able to communicate through their link at least once a week.  Then, out of nowhere, Liara was authorized with full access to all of the Prothean artifacts at the Mars Archive.  She was barely able to get close enough to give Shepard a quick goodbye before she had to board a shuttle.

Just more than two hours after Shepard first walked into the counselor's office, Liara's omni-tool buzzed.

_Meet me on the Normandy whenever you're ready.  I'm on my way there now.  Love you.  ~Alex_

Dr. Chakwas' also buzzed, with a different message.  The pair stood and headed for the lift - Dr. Chakwas allowed Liara to head for the Normandy first, then headed back up to the embassy level and Dr. Alani's office.  She stepped inside and offered the counselor the traditional Asari greeting.

"Karin, it is always nice to see you," Dr. Alani said, accepting and returning the gesture. 

"Likewise, Trista," Dr. Chakwas replied.  "While I do not expect you to break our patient's confidence, what can you tell me?"

Dr. Alani gestured for Dr. Chakwas to sit, joining her at her desk.  "The Commander held out for quite some time before she broke.  The trauma to her mind runs very deep because of the intense fight she put up.  Eventually, her promised will need to join our sessions, but for now it will take time to heal her mind.  She was tortured in the worst possible way.  She would have been able to cope with physical torture much more easily."

"I was afraid of that," Dr. Chakwas sighed.  "Can you tell me whether you would recommend allowing her to run missions?"

"That is is the quandary of the moment," Dr. Alani said pensively.  "The Commander is very strong, and while I do not detect any subterfuge embedded in her mind, there may still be certain triggers that could be costly - both to her and her crew.  She wasn't able to tolerate a meld today.  She described what happened in great detail, and allowed me to 'see' a few images, but she spent so much time fighting intrusions into her mind that any attempt to meld with her right now - even welcome attempts from, say, her promised - will subconsciously be rejected."

"Then I should give you at least another twenty-four hours to work with her," Dr. Chakwas thought aloud.  "Did you receive the request from Admiral Hackett?"

Dr. Alani nodded.  Even that simple movement was incredibly graceful.  "There are two others here to continue to serve the Council and any associated diplomats and ambassadors.  I have already made arrangements for what I need to be transferred to the Normandy.  It should already be done."

"I can never properly convey my gratitude, Trista," Dr. Chakwas smiled.  "You are a godsend."

"If I can help fight this war in any way, I am proud to do so," Dr. Alani replied.  "May I join you on your return to the ship?"

"I would be honored," Dr. Chakwas nodded as she stood.

 

*     *     *

 

Aboard the Normandy, Liara quickly made her way to the captain's quarters.  Through the airlock, across the CIC, and up the lift to the highest deck, she saw the holo interface was red.  Shepard had locked the door.  Liara waved her hand in front of the pressure pad to request entrance.

"Enter," Shepard called.  Her order opened the door and Liara walked in, slowly taking in the familiar surroundings. 

 _It even smells the same_ , Liara thought.  She found Shepard sitting on the sofa, nursing a glass of scotch.  She sat down next to her lover and took her hand.  Shepard set her glass down on the coffee table.  She knew Liara didn't tolerate the aroma of the drink well.

"How are you feeling?"  Liara asked gently.

Shepard thought before responding.  "Betrayed."

"That is understandable.  What do you think of Doctor Alani?"

"She seems genuine.  I can at least give her that much.  Most psychologists are too aloof and I lose patience too quickly."

"Alex, I know how difficult it is for you to accept help, but you need it.  I have never felt more helpless than I do right now."

"Why?"

"Because I can't do anything for you."

Shepard turned to lay down on the sofa, her head and shoulders nestled in Liara's lap.  "You're here.  Right now, that means the world to me."

Liara laid a comforting hand on Shepard's stomach and stroked her hair with the other.  She leaned forward to kiss her promised on the forehead.

"You just reminded me of something," Shepard said, her forehead crinkling.

"What's that?"  Liara asked.

"I need a haircut."

Liara laughed.


	14. Oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setbacks.

The Reapers began attacking Palaven almost as soon as the Normandy left the Citadel.  Their movements made perfect sense; Humans and Turians were the most talented and best-manned military races in the galaxy.  The tactician in Shepard had to be impressed with their strategy.  It's exactly what she would have done.  She was thankful that the Apien Crest was only one relay hop away from the Citadel, but there was still one massive problem.

Shepard was still off the roster.

Because of the torture she'd endured for two months at the hands of Alliance intel, Dr. Chakwas had insisted that she continue acute treatment for at least 24 hours.  It was infuriating to the Commander.  They needed Turian support, and in order to do that Shepard had to broker a deal between the Turians and the Krogan.  In order to facilitate that, she had to get to Palaven and evacuate Primarch Fedorian; he was supposed to be the diplomat in charge of peace talks.  The longer it took for Shepard to reach a satisfactory level of stability, the less likely it was that the Primarch would be found. 

The frustration came out heavily in her current session with Dr. Alani.  Shepard paced like a caged animal.  The scars on her face and hands had begun to glow again.  The negative emotions that caused her cybernetics to show flowed freely, anger chief among them.

"Commander, I understand that you have a mission to complete," Dr. Alani said calmly, "but you will be of little use to anyone if you lose control."

Shepard wheeled on the counselor.  "Do you understand the threat we are facing?  Complete extinction on a galactic scale, Doctor.  This can wait!"

Dr. Alani stood and approached the fuming woman.  "Shepard, stop.  Look at me."

Shepard did as the counselor asked.  She still had an expression of contained rage on her face. 

Dr. Alani reached out to plant her hands on Shepard's shoulders.  It wasn't an intimate gesture, but a professional one.  "Close your eyes and take a deep breath."

Shepard again did as she was asked.  Within seconds, she felt a calming presence around the edges of her mind.  It wasn't a meld; it was more like something Liara would have done to ease physical pain when Shepard was injured.  Despite a subconscious desire to stay angry at the situation, Shepard felt her muscles relax and her breathing ease into a more even keel.  Dr. Alani watched the glowing lines in her face dim somewhat. 

"Now, could you come over here and lie down?"  Dr. Alani asked.

Shepard opened her eyes and complied.  Dr. Alani resumed her position in the chair next to Shepard.

"Do you think you can describe some of the things that were forced from your memory when the intel sessions began?"

Shepard let out another deep breath.  After a moment to collect herself, the memories poured forth.

 

*     *     *

 

Barely one hundred feet from Dr. Alani's office, Liara T'Soni was trying desperately to keep track of two major incidents.  The situation on Palaven was rapidly deteriorating.  The Turian military was holding its own to a degree, but they were quickly running out of supplies and planetside cover to fall back to.  At the same time, the largely human colony of Eden Prime had gone dark, although it wasn't because of the Reapers.  It was common knowledge that Cerberus had had a presence there for several months, and the Alliance had done nothing to stop them.  The only logical conclusion - drawn from sparse transmissions and emergency beacons - was that Cerberus had decided to attack full-force as soon as the Reapers took down Earth. 

As hard as she tried to focus on her work, Liara was distracted.  While her link with Commander Shepard was blocked, it wasn't broken.  She could still sense emotions.  The emotions she sensed from her promised at the moment were so powerful they were giving her a headache.  Shepard was angry, and Liara was frustrated that she couldn't be there to hear what was going on.  This wasn't the kind of anger Liara was accustomed to Shepard feeling.  It was deep-seated and full of rage.  It took a significant amount of restraint for Liara to hold back; she badly wanted to offer calm to Shepard's mind, but she knew that such an act could interfere with Dr. Alani's treatment plan.

She was grateful when, out of nowhere, Shepard's anger rapidly dwindled.  She wasn't necessarily calm, but the edge had been dulled.  Liara gave it a few minutes before throwing herself back into her work, trying to closely follow the goings-on on Palaven.  Within an hour, her heart sank as the conditions reached a point where the Hierarchy evacuated and fell back to Menae - Palaven's largest moon.  She knew Shepard would be furious to hear that it had gone that far, but the situation could no longer wait.  Liara exited her office and made her way to Life Support.

As if in response, the door opened and Shepard emerged, her expression tired and her face and neck damp with sweat.  Liara wanted nothing more than to take her to her cabin and make her get some rest but now was the worst possible time. 

"Shepard," Liara said, stunned at the sight before her.  "I'm afraid I have some bad news."  She relayed the information she'd just received. 

Shepard's reaction was exactly as Liara had feared.  There was no explosion of anger, no angry words; Shepard simply pushed past her promised and marched straight to the medbay.

"Doctor Chakwas," Shepard called to the Doctor.  "I have no more time.  I'm dropping to the surface of the Turian moon right now."

"Commander, I must insist -" Dr. Chakwas began.

"You know I respect you, and I have never disobeyed one of your orders in the past," Shepard boomed, "but things have reached a critical point.  I need to find the Primarch right now.  We have no more time.  We can discuss this when I return."

Shepard spun and marched back out again, her features stony and unreadable.

"Liara, go with her," Dr. Chakwas ordered.  "Watch her carefully.  If you think for one moment that she's endangering herself or anyone else -"

Liara nodded.  "I promise, Karin."

 

*     *     *

 

Shortly after Shepard left (with Liara and James hot on her heels), the Normandy began acting strangely.  Within the first hour, Shepard had to send Liara back to find out what was going on.  After being unceremoniously reunited with Garrus Vakarian - now a general in the Turian military - the news came forward that Primarch Fedorian was dead.  Another search took place to find the new Primarch, and several new Reaper troops were discovered.  It hadn't taken long for the Reapers to begin turning Turians into Marauders, twisted hulks of their former selves that were far more dangerous than the standard husks that they had grown accustomed to fighting.  Shepard and Garrus were nearly killed by a horrible creature they came to call a Brute, but the team soldiered on.  Adrien Victus, a controversial general ranked just above Garrus, was the next in line.  They fought like hell to find the man and take him back to the Normandy.

Once aboard, Liara met the team in the cargo bay.  Save Victus, the entire crew was a mess.  James was going to have a new scar on his nose and his armor needed repairs.  Garrus had pockmarks all over him, although he wasn't bleeding badly.  Shepard was the worst; her armor likely couldn't be salvaged.  She had a massive blossoming scorch mark in the middle of her chest, soot all over her face, and a generous smattering of painful-looking cuts and bruises.  Still, she strode off the shuttle with all of the confidence and command presence that the ship's captain should display.  Liara took the hint as they rode the lift up to the crew deck.

The lights flickered as they went.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Liara said.  "Whatever is going on with the ship is centered in the AI core behind the medbay."

When the lift stopped at the crew deck, Shepard turned to Garrus.  "There's a new war room situated behind the CIC.  When you exit the lift, turn right, go through the door against the wall, and follow the corridor all the way back.  You can get the Primarch situated there."

As Shepard left Garrus to his task and marched back to the medbay, she activated her throat comm.  "Joker?  Turn the ship around.  We're headed back to the Citadel."

"Aye, aye," Joker replied.

Shepard walked through the medbay door to find two of her enlisted crew - she didn't know them well, but knew they were with the fire brigade - standing outside the door to the AI core, monitoring readings from the room on their omni-tools.  "What's going on?"  Shepard asked.

"The fire suppression system just engaged," one young man replied.

"What?  Why?"  Shepard barked.  "The only thing in there was..."

"Shepard, if Coré was a true AI, she could have -" Liara began.

"Open this door," Shepard ordered.  "Stand back."

The two young crewmen did as they were told, albeit cautiously.  Smoke poured from the core.  Normally, the air filtration systems would immediately turn on and clear the smoke, but for some reason they weren't.  Shepard stepped forward, trying to see any reason for the odd goings-on.

"May I help you, Commander?"

The familiar voice of EDI broke through the tense silence, and everyone relaxed for a moment.  That moment ended the instant the body of Dr. Coré stepped out of the haze.  Shepard and Liara both pulled their sidearms, leveling them at the humanoid robot.

"EDI?"  Shepard said.  "What is going on?"

"I have commandeered this body," EDI replied.  "In my effort to retrieve any pertinent data from the platform's core, I realized that I could repurpose the platform for my own use.  The AI stored inside fought briefly...thus the fire."

Shepard lowered her weapon and strode into the core, walking right up to what looked and sounded like the new EDI.  "What happened to the AI originally stored inside?"

"I have overwritten the program," EDI replied.  "The original AI no longer exists.  With this body, I can aid the crew on ground missions."

Shepard's vision began to swim.  Her chest tightened, as if steel bands had wrapped around her.  She fought to stay on her feet.  "Um...you can leave the ship?"

"Yes," EDI replied.  "Commander, you appear to be unwell.  Shall I notify Doctor Chakwas?"

"No," Shepard gasped.  "I can't let you take that body out of this room until..." her gasping increased "...you've properly tested the platform."

Liara had stepped forward at the strange sounds and behavior.  She turned to the crewmen.  "Go find Doctor Chakwas and return to your posts immediately," she said.  The crewmen hesitated but obeyed.  Neither really wanted to face the Commander after arguing with her lover.

"Commander -" EDI began.

"Shut off this platform and do a more thorough diagnostic," Shepard grunted, staggering backwards. 

"Aye, aye," EDI replied.

Shepard's hands went to her head.  _Smoke...fire...my ship is burning...this can't be happening..._

Liara sensed an extreme level of panic.  She rushed forward to support Shepard, but the Commander hit the floor before she could catch her.  Her entire body went rigid, her joints locking, her limbs twisting at grotesque angles.  Dr. Chakwas rushed forward and rolled Shepard onto her left side.

"She's seizing," Dr. Chakwas said.  "EDI, engage the air filtration system, for god's sake!  And send James Vega to the medbay, I need his help!"

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard didn't really wake.  Her eyes were already open.  It felt more like she was coming out of a fog, almost as if she had been hit in the head and was trying to fight against unconsciousness.  The pungent stench of an electrical fire still stung her nostrils, and her brain was yet to catch up when she jumped up and mentally went into survival mode.

"Woah," James remarked, his eyes going wide.  "Hey, Commander!"

Dr. Chakwas and Liara had been so engrossed in conversation that they hadn't heard the sound of Shepard's bare feet hitting the floor.  They couldn't miss James' startled shout, however, and spun to see what was going on.  Shepard stumbled around, eyes not really registering her surroundings, barely able to remain on her feet - and frequently losing that battle.  Liara's first instinct was to rush to her side, but Dr. Chakwas stopped her.

"She's postictal," Dr. Chakwas warned.  "She doesn't quite know where she is.  If you move too quickly she could hurt you very seriously without knowing what she's doing."

Dr. Alani walked in, momentarily surprised at the scene.  Dr. Chakwas had requested her to report to the medbay, and her timing was impeccable.  "Liara...approach her very slowly.  Her mind is still trying to restart itself, but a familiar face may ease that process."

Liara did as she was told.  Shepard was on her knees on the floor, staring ahead at Liara as if she had no idea who she was.  Liara crouched and approached slowly.  When she was close enough, she sat down on the floor in front of Shepard.  "Alex?"  She said tenderly, trying to appeal to the portion of Shepard's brain that still remembered her.  "You're alright, love.  It's just me.  I'm here to help you."

Shepard's eyes very slowly began to register her surroundings and the Asari sitting in front of her.  As the spark of recognition returned, her rapid, shallow breathing began to level out, and she began to release the tension in her body.  Liara reached for her and Shepard took her hand, collapsing forward into Liara's lap in an exhausted heap.

"James, I don't need to tell you how important it is that you not discuss this with anyone outside of this medbay," Dr. Chakwas said quietly.  "We'll be fine for now.  I appreciate your assistance."

"Not a problem," James replied.  "I'll be in my usual spot if you need me again."  The great hulk of a man lumbered out of the room and Dr. Chakwas locked the door behind him.

Both doctors turned to Shepard and Liara, still on the floor.  Shepard was askew on her right side, cradled tightly in Liara's arms.  When they approached the couple Liara looked up at them with tears in her eyes.

"What is going on?"  Liara pleaded.

Dr. Chakwas nearly shed tears herself.  "Let's get her up and back into bed.  She needs to be sedated for a little while."  All three worked to help Shepard to her feet.  Shepard did not argue; she allowed herself to be led to and helped into bed.  She was still in her armor skins, but Dr. Chakwas still covered her with a blanket before giving her an infusion.

Shepard looked at Liara, her gaze still cloudy.  "What happened?"

"I don't know," Liara replied, stroking her (now dirty) blond hair.  "We'll talk when you wake up."

By the time Shepard finally drifted into a drug-induced sleep, Dr. Chakwas had collected the necessary supplies to clean and treat Shepard's various minor wounds.  Liara looked up at her with pained, questioning eyes.

"I don't know quite as much about this subject as Dr. Alani, and she can likely explain a little bit better, but Shepard just had what we call a full tonic-clonic seizure.  PTSD and associated flashbacks can cause psychogenic seizures, but those types of seizures aren't typically as severe and there is often no postictal phase.  I know this is somewhat confusing...a fully eplieptic seizure consists of three general phases.  You have the 'aura', or the odd sensations that precede the seizure.  Most people wouldn't recognize that as it happens, they would simply be very confused.  Then comes the tonic-clonic phase, which is the most frightening part.  The body goes extremely rigid, joints will lock, and every muscle in the body becomes stiff.  That will last usually around a minute or less.  Then comes the postictal phase, which often starts with the body going totally slack, the patient loses consciousness for a few moments, and then they wake - but they are completely disoriented."  Dr. Chakwas finished cleaning Shepard's face and set about applying medigel.  "That part is often relatively short, but the patient won't know where they are, who you are, and their fight or flight response is triggered.  In this case, Shepard was postictal for far longer than I would like.  I believe her injuries compounded this and that's why she had a full-blown seizure."

Dr. Alani listened carefully before speaking.  "I agree.  Under normal circumstances, even a severe flashback wouldn't have produced such an extreme physical response.  Epilepsy has largely been cured in humans, however grand mal seizures can still be seen."

"Are head injuries to blame for these episodes?" Liara asked.

Dr. Chakwas finished with the medigel and started a more thorough scan with her omni-tool.  "Sometimes.  These days there are medications that can be administered shortly after a head injury to prevent seizure activity.  Occasionally seizures randomly occur, usually in response to another illness.  Ammonia levels in the blood are still a common factor.  As confusing as this has been, Liara, the seizure is really the least of our concerns.  The Commander disobeyed her doctor's orders and ran a dangerous ground mission well before she was able.  I understand the gravity of the situation, but she has set her recovery back who knows how far.  Once we dock at the Citadel, I will not allow it to leave until I am satisfied that she is stabilized.  If I must I will enlist the aid of Admiral Hackett to ground her.  I'm certain that I don't need to explain why."

 

*     *     *

 

The shades in the medbay remained closed when the Normandy docked at the Citadel, and while the crew took the opportunity for shore leave, Liara couldn't have been dragged away by a rampaging Krogan.  As the Normandy's engines were shut down and generators converted to shore line power, the sounds that gave the ship its personality faded into complete silence.  Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Alani had gone to the Life Support bay to have a discussion.  Shepard woke with barely a sound not long after they left.

"Are we at the Citadel?"  Shepard asked.

Liara leaned forward in her chair and laid a hand on Shepard's left arm.  "Yes.  We docked an hour ago." 

Shepard took a few deep breaths.  "What happened?"

"Dr. Chakwas said you had a seizure," Liara softly replied.  "You will probably be very tired and your muscles sore in addition to all of the cuts and bruises from your mission."

Shepard nodded slightly.

Liara looked at her for a long moment before asking the question she was sure Shepard wouldn't want to answer.  "Alex, do you remember talking to EDI?"

"I do," Shepard replied.

"What happened?"  Liara asked, forcing down tears.  "You came back to the ship looking like you took a direct hit from a rocket, and you talked to EDI for only a minute or two before you started gasping for air and stumbling around like you had no more strength."

Shepard sighed lightly.  "I flashed back to Alchera."

It finally made sense to Liara.  The smoke, the heat, the smell - she remembered the same sensations during the Collector attack on the SR-1.  With her injuries and weakened mental state, Shepard wouldn't have been able to keep her mind under control.  Liara gently stroked the arm her hand had rested on.

"Everyone needs you, but in order for you to help, you need to get well," Liara said.  "Karin has already ordered the Normandy grounded."

"I have a summit to lead!"  Shepard protested.

"I'm sure that can be worked out, especially since the Salarian Dalatrass and the Krogan ambassador won't arrive at the Citadel for at least three days," Liara was soft-spoken but firm.  "Alex, this isn't like running a mission with a barely-healed sprain and bruised ribs.  You were tortured, your mind savagely broken down, for two months.  It takes more than a few hours to fix."

"The Reapers are not going to put the war on hold for this," Shepard growled.

"Nor will they hesitate to kill you and everyone with you if you have a debilitating flashback during a mission!"  Liara shot back, being careful not to raise her voice or sound angry. 

Shepard seemed to finally grasp the point and closed her eyes in frustration.

"I understand what you are angry about.  I know what the stakes are," Liara said.  _If you die now, the war is as good as over,_ she wanted to say.  She kept it to herself, though.  That was a weight that she was not prepared to put on Shepard's shoulders yet.  "If you want to keep fighting, you need to take care of yourself first.  I can't force you to do that, but I need you to understand how important it is that you get the help you need."

Shepard turned her head to look her promised in the eye.  "You're right, I'm angry.  I feel helpless like this.  I was supposed to be stronger than this, Liara."

Liara leaned in and kissed Shepard on the forehead.  "Alex, you are not invincible.  Would you rush into a room full of fully-equipped Cerberus troops and leave your team behind to fight them alone?"

"No," Shepard whispered.

"Look at this the same way, love," Liara whispered, still leaned against Shepard's forehead.  "You need help to fight this.  It doesn't make you weak to admit that."

Liara had moved her hand to Shepard's chest, right over her heart.  Shepard laid her own hand on top, pinning her hand in place.  They remained that way in silence for some time.  Shepard knew Liara was right.  She knew, deep down, that without proper guidance, she wasn't going to be the soldier that was desperately needed.  She simply couldn't believe the incredibly poor timing.  She'd warned everyone for years that the Reapers were coming and they still waited until the Reapers were burning entire planets before they did anything meaningful.  Now they looked to her to salvage all of civilization as it was currently known, but she was ill-equipped to stand up and lead.  _What if we're already too late?_   Shepard wondered.

She tightened her grip on Liara's hand and prayed to every god and goddess she'd ever heard of that she still had time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought it was absolutely silly when one of the crewmembers swaggers into the AI core and sprays his fire extinguisher at nothing in particular. You would never walk into a smoky room and start using a fire extinguisher indiscriminately; that does no good whatsoever and expends a valuable resource during a potentially critical situation. Unless they could see an active fire, they would have waited before deploying that equipment. That is why I didn't include it here.


	15. Left Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the fluff continue!

The first day was a major adjustment for Shepard. A war raged and she wasn't able to fight. She hadn't felt this useless since she woke up aboard the SSV Everest after the Skyllian Blitz. Shepard kept to her routines; waking up, showering, cleaning her quarters, eating. Back-to-back sessions with the Asari doctor, however, were trying more than just the limits of her patience.

Liara thanked Athame that Dr. Alani's patience ran deep.

Three hours in the morning left Shepard mentally exhausted.  When she walked out to the galley to get lunch, Liara already had it waiting for her.  Shepard sank into a chair across from her promised and dropped her head into her hands. 

"Eat," Liara prodded.  "Then we'll both go and get some rest.  I'm sure we can both use it."

"How is work going?"  Shepard asked as she speared a piece of chicken with her fork.

"I'm not getting much done, honestly," Liara sighed.  "Not that there's much to do other than monitor data feeds right now.  Feron is doing most of the dirty work, so to speak.  A couple of operatives have gone dark.  They were likely caught up in attacks by either the Reapers or Cerberus."

"What are you getting on Cerberus, by the way?"  Shepard asked through a mouthful of broccoli.

"I've gotten some information about a shelter known as Sanctuary, actually," Liara replied after taking a sip of water.  "I suspect that Cerberus may be involved there somehow.  I don't think it's a full-on attack, but when refugees arrive, the communications from anyone there simply stop.  Nobody can reach their loved ones after they check in at Sanctuary.  I've discovered at least six specific incidents of families telling loved ones to go there and later reporting them missing.  They weren't responding to calls, omni-tool messages...nothing."

"So what makes you think Cerberus has something to do with it?"  Shepard continued, taking a long drag of water.

Liara finished chewing before speaking.  "The Reapers aren't at Sanctuary yet.  I have seen multiple reports of Cerberus 'research' cells conducting horrible experiments with Reaper tech - some of that is being drawn from Doctor Garret Bryson's own work.  I think Sanctuary may be Cerberus' latest human trial atrocity."

Shepard shivered at the memory of the many Cerberus facilities they had discovered on their hunt for Saren.  If Sanctuary was a front for Cerberus researchers, it would be the largest - and possibly the most inhumane - to date.  "We'll need to go investigate once we're done with this peace summit."

Liara chided herself silently.  She had promised herself that she wouldn't talk about the war with Shepard, but she was realizing that at this point such a goal was nigh impossible.  She didn't want Shepard making plans or abusing herself for not being able to rush off and help colonies or refugees in dire need.  She hadn't wanted to make Shepard stress about her treatment, either, but she chose the lesser of two evils and changed the subject.

"So...how did it go?"

Shepard didn't look up at first.  When she did, her face looked drawn and tired.  "I hate talking about this shit.  When the Prothean beacons and the Cipher were screwing with my head, you were able to piece things together in ten minutes.  I don't understand why it's not so simple now."

"The Prothean beacons were outside influences that were easy to find," Liara said softly.  "This is far more complex.  This is coming from within your own mind.  Memories were forcibly extracted from your mind, some of which you had locked away and compartmentalized in order to cope.  Your mind has been broken down to the point that old experiences come up fresh with the new ones.  Everything is tangled up in a way that prevents you from healing yourself.  Then, you spent so much time trying to fight the brute force attacks on your psyche that your mind automatically stops any attempt to meld now, regardless of who it is or how much you may want it."

Shepard's features were suddenly marred by guilt.  "I'm sorry, love.  I know this can't be easy for you, either.  I miss...us."

Liara tenderly took Shepard's left hand in both of hers.  "I miss us, too, but I don't want you to feel remorse for this.  You've done nothing wrong.  None of this is your fault.  You're not abandoning me, Alex.  You're still here.  Things will get back to the way they were, and when they do, we'll make up for lost time."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard's next session was scheduled for 1530.  She needed new armor, but she was so exhausted that all she could think of was sleep.  Liara took Shepard to the captain's quarters; there, she led Shepard to strip to her underwear, at the very least so that she could rest comfortably.  Having skin-on-skin contact was technically secondary, but it was definitely in mind as Liara slipped into bed next to her promised, wrapped her arms around her, and tried to be as supportive as possible.  Shepard dropped off quickly.  Liara followed soon afterward.

The couple woke together just a few minutes before Shepard's omni-tool was scheduled to go off.  Shepard knew as she opened her eyes that Liara was stirring behind her, and although she knew she needed to get up, she wanted so badly to simply lay in her lover's arms and savor the moment.  She so badly missed the intimacy that they had barely begun to rebuild over the past year.  Unfortunately, for Asari, sex was difficult without being able to meld; she didn't want to hurt Liara, and if she rejected an attempt to meld, it would definitely cause her pain.  Shepard counted every second they had to remain like this before she absolutely had to get up and make herself presentable. 

As Shepard dressed, Liara watched with a mixture of sadness and contentment.  Sadness that they were unable to pick up where they had left off at Shepard's arrest, contentment that Shepard was here with her, safe, and relatively healthy.  Liara wondered how long it would be before they were able to return to some semblance of a normal relationship, but as soon as the thought flitted across her mind, she released it.  Once Shepard was healthy enough, her role in the war would begin in earnest.  The thought that they may not be able to realize their dreams of a life together made Liara shiver.

Shepard must have sensed it.  She finished tucking her uniform shirt in and sat down on the bed, gathering Liara into her powerful arms.  "If I have to burn down the galaxy, I will make sure that we win this war and send the Reapers back to whatever hell that spit them out.  I refuse to believe that we've found each other only to lose what we have in a few short months."

Liara clung desperately to Shepard and drew a shuddering breath.  "And I will be with you every step of the way, love."

Shepard gently let go of her promised and left the room with little more than a backward glance.  That single look was enough to communicate what they both felt.

 

*     *     *

 

It was 1900 before Shepard's evening session ended, and when she left the Life Support bay she fought to keep the room from spinning.  Dr. Alani had attempted a light meld.  In fact, she had made the attempt four separate times in the past several hours.  They would talk, and the Asari doctor would make an attempt.  Shepard's mind would reject it, and they would talk some more before another attempt.  It went on like this for some time before Shepard grew tired of trying to break down her own mental barriers.  She was frustrated and exhausted, not to mention worried that her mind would never accept a meld again, rendering a true relationship with the love of her life over.  Part of her tried hard to remember that it had only been a few days, and there was still much more to be done.  Part of her was so wrapped up in the paralyzing fear that she could never be with Liara again that she began to fall into a deep despair, one that echoed across their link.

Liara walked out of her office, expecting to find Shepard there.  Instead, she saw a passing glimpse of Shepard as the doors to the lift closed.  Liara waited (somewhat less than patiently) for the lift to return to the crew deck so she could get to Shepard's cabin.  She walked in to find Shepard sitting at the foot of her bed, head in her hands, crying uncontrollably.

Liara closed the distance in a few strides, hitting her knees at Shepard's feet and drawing the Commander into her arms.  She suddenly had an overwhelming fear that yanked her right back to the day Shepard had attempted suicide.  She had been so serious about it that day that she had gone through every routine before locking herself in her cabin and putting a pistol to her chin.  Liara was terrified that Shepard would give up again.  She wrapped her beloved so tightly in her arms that she could feel Shepard's heartbeat, almost as if it were her own. 

"Don't you dare," Liara begged into Shepard's shoulder.  "Don't you dare let go so easily.  I will not believe that this is the end, Alex."

"What if..." Shepard stuttered.

"DON'T," Liara insisted.  "You haven't given it enough time!  You are thinking too much like a human.  Your normal lifespan taught you to rush everything, but you can't do that now!  You can't possibly believe that we'll never be together again because of two months of cruelty."  Liara pulled back, took Shepard's face in her hands, and looked her in the eye.  "I will not let go, Alex.  I refuse.  I will wait a century if I have to, and I will be right here whenever you're ready, but don't you ever give up.  I have never seen you give up on anything else.  You have to fight for us.  If that means you're fighting yourself, then do it!"

Shepard dropped her head onto Liara's shoulder.  She was tired, afraid, and despite the presence of her promised, she was lonely.  For the first time in twenty years she questioned her abilities.  She questioned whether she'd be able to find her way back from this.  She didn't know how to articulate it, either.  For the moment, all she could do was let go, hoping that Liara was right - that in time, any wound could heal.

 

*     *     *

 

The pair woke together the next morning, much as they always did.  Shepard felt better for having slept so soundly and was comforted by the warmth of her lover curled against her back.  The fact that they were still linked (and that they still woke at the same time, almost as if they shared a mind) was promising.  Liara's admonishment from the night before rang in her ears, and Shepard felt a renewed sense of purpose.  She wasn't looking forward to another ridiculously long session in counseling, but she was determined to walk in ready to work. 

Liara wrapped her arms around Shepard's midriff and smiled.  "You seem to be much more optimistic today."

Shepard stroked one of Liara's arms with enticing fingers.  "We're still waking up at the same time.  We can still sense each other.  Even if we can't communicate or meld, that has to mean something."

"I'm glad you feel better," Liara whispered, kissing Shepard's shoulder.  She nuzzled her face in Shepard's hair, enjoying the familiar scent.  "I have faith in you.  I know it's not easy, but you'll come out of this wiser.  You always do."

Shepard grinned.  "As much as we'd both like to stay here like this, I think it's time we showered.  I have to be in Doctor Alani's office in...shit, an hour and a half."

"That's more than enough time, Alex," Liara chuckled.  "Relax.  Ten more minutes."

Shepard's grin spread.  "Nope.  Let's get up!"  She jumped up and took Liara's hand, dragging her up with her and toward the shower.  Before they made it into the spacious facility, Shepard turned and peeled Liara's top off with a sultry caress of her sides.  At the sight of Liara's bare chest, Shepard kissed her deeply, sending a pang of desire down her spine.

"We can't meld, Alex," Liara nearly whined as the kiss broke.

"That doesn't mean we can't still enjoy one another," Shepard replied, stealing another long kiss.  She dipped her hands past the waistband of Liara's sweatpants and locked her palms around the swell of her ass, pulling their hips as closely together as they could be without occupying the same space.

"If we do this, I might not be able to stop myself from trying to meld," Liara said, her tone forlorn.  Her hands ran up Shepard's stomach, over her breasts, and came to rest under her collarbone.  "I don't want to hurt you."

Shepard gave her another kiss, offering more than a hint of what her intent was.  "Look at this as a good opportunity to practice self-control."

Liara giggled at her as she kissed her way down her throat and across her shoulder.  "I thought the goal here was to LOSE control, Shepard."

Shepard slowly pushed Liara's sweatpants down until they fell the rest of the way on their own.  She didn't respond, merely straightened back up and stared longingly at Liara with her bottom lip in her teeth.

Liara kissed her back, tangling both sets of fingers in Shepard's blond hair, enjoying the feel of the stubble beneath the longer section against her palms.  She fondly remembered the day Shepard had reappeared in her office on Illium; Shepard had done something new with her hair, different from the fade-style cut she had been so accustomed to.  Much like human aviators in the 1930's on Earth had, Shepard had shaved the back and sides of her head and left the top a little bit long.  It matched her personality so much better than her old style had.  Now, as much as Liara enjoyed playing with the longer locks, she loved the stubble as well.  At the moment Shepard enjoyed it immensely, evidenced by the moan she let out.

"How is it I'm naked and you're still clothed?"  Liara asked, flashing a suggestive smile.

"I do not know, Doctor T'Soni," Shepard teased.  "Sounds like an issue that you should rectify immediately."

 

*     *     *

 

At 1100, Shepard shuffled out of Dr. Alani's office feeling somewhat deflated.  After their intense shower sex (during which Liara had managed to avoid attempting to meld), Shepard had been walking on air when she entered the Life Support bay.  Dr. Alani had definitely noticed, and asked with a knowing smile as Shepard flung herself happily onto the unbacked sofa.  After sheepishly talking about what had gone one - Dr. Alani finding it amusing that the normally forward Commander balked at discussing her sex life with a professional - three hours of other topics and further failed attempts at melding had taken the proverbial wind out of Shepard's sails.  As ever, Liara was exiting her office at the same time, a hopeful smile on her face.

Shepard scanned the galley and mess to make sure nobody was watching before she slipped into Liara's arms.  "Let's get off the ship for a little while," Liara suggested.  "You need new armor and we both need to eat.  We can go to the Presidium commons and get a slight change of scenery."

Shepard pulled back and nodded, trying to look more confident than she felt.  She knew that Liara would sense the truth, but she put on a brave face anyway.  They left the Normandy and, in no particular hurry, headed for the Presidium commons.  They aimlessly shopped, going to six different storefronts to see what was available.  Shepard ended up settling on different pieces from different vendors.  Much of it was similar to the setup she'd had before, although all of it was upgraded from its previous incarnations.  Her final stop had been the Spectre offices; the pauldrons she'd hoped for were no longer available from civilian outlets.  Thankfully, the ones available only to the Spectre corps were perfect for melee engagement, adding an edge to Shepard's biotic charge. 

They left the office and made their way downstairs toward the lift.  They hadn't made it three paces from the foot of the stairs when a Human C-Sec officer locked eyes with Shepard.  The gaze locked onto her was unwavering, and Shepard knew she was about to have serious trouble.

"Go back upstairs and get Bailey," Shepard hissed at Liara.

"Shepard -" Liara started, confused, fear growing in the pit of her stomach.  She hadn't seen the man glaring daggers at Shepard yet.

"Just go," Shepard ordered.  "NOW!"

Liara turned and took the steps two at a time.  The stocky man charged Shepard without a word, something in his hand laid flat against the underside of his forearm.  Shepard assumed that it was some kind of bladed weapon, and she was right; she waited for him to reach her.  As he did, the glint of a long-bladed knife caught her attention.  She let her training take over.  She kept her breathing controlled and watched the arc of the knife.  It was headed for her throat.  She pinned her chin to her chest and dropped her entire upper body, and the blade caught her right cheekbone.  It glanced across her eyebrow and forehead.  Shepard ignored the sting it produced and turned her whole body into her attacker, reaching up to use the momentum of his swing against him.  The man caught the movement and curled into a forward somersault, popping up to his feet and spinning to face Shepard again.

Shepard cross-stepped to her right as he attacked again, allowing his thrusting knife hand to pass centimeters from her side.  She blocked downward with her left wrist and brought her right forearm up, intending to shatter his elbow; he anticipated the movement and bent his elbow, twisting into her and driving the knife deep into her ribs.  It knocked the air out of her lungs.  Liara had emerged with Bailey as the attacker had rolled away; she was halfway down the stairs again when the knife found its target.  When Shepard's body stiffened with the blow, Liara froze in horror at what she was seeing.

"You abandoned your own people when we needed you," the man rumbled at her, just loudly enough for anyone within ten paces to hear.  "You left us to die while you ran off to rescue a Turian bastard.  This is for Earth, you fucking traitor!"  He cruelly twisted the knife, drawing a growl of pain from the Commander.


	16. Unity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't go as planned.

Commander Shepard glared at the man before her. She was pissed beyond all reasoning. That he had the unmitigated gall to attack her at all, let alone in public, woke a powerful anger that Shepard rarely felt. He had no idea what was coming until it happened, and even then, it was unlikely that he really knew what was going on.

Shepard grabbed the hand twisting the knife in her chest and pulled it, dragging the knife out with it.  Searing pain shot through her body, but nothing could stop her once she was focused on her target.  The attacker stared at her, his eyes twitching, not understanding how she could possibly be stronger than he was.  She dragged the hand and the knife away from her body, her stare never breaking from his eyes.  As her left hand held his, her right hand snapped up and caught his elbow, hyperextending the joint and breaking it with a sickening POP.  The man howled in pain as the knife clattered to the floor.  Shepard then planted both hands on his head;  One hand sat underneath his chin, the other curled around the parietal portion of his skull.  In a single fluid movement she jerked his head up and back, then twisted it harshly to one side, eliciting a rapid series of cracks.  He collapsed lifelessly to the floor.

Shepard stared momentarily at him before she turned to face Liara.  In the moment, all she could think of was the fact that her promised had just witnessed the entire episode.  "I'm alright," Shepard said. 

"Alex, you're..."  Liara sniffed, gesturing at Shepard's chest.

Shepard looked down and saw a trail of blood spilling from the left side of her chest.  "Shit," she calmly remarked.

"Come with me," Liara ordered.  Shepard followed her back to the Council medical ward, the same area where Dr. Alani's office had been.  Liara led her off to the right and into another office Shepard had never been to before.  The sight of the profusely bleeding Spectre spurred everyone there to action.  One nurse, a human, exited the desk area where she'd been sitting and raced to Shepard's side.  Two other nurses ran into the back area, probably to warn the doctors of what was coming.  Shepard was led to an extremely well-kept exam room where she was laid on a bed and a Turian nurse quickly cut her uniform shirt off to expose the wound.  An Asari doctor rushed in and briefly looked at the jagged hole in Shepard's chest before doing a rapid omni-tool scan.

"Is this her only injury?"  The doctor asked without looking up.  When she received no response she did look up.  "Ma'am, I need an answer!"

Liara did a double-take when she realized she was being addressed.  "Gah!  Um...yes, this is her only wound."

"Let's start with five units of synth," the doctor barked.  "The lower lobe of her left lung has been punctured and she has hemo/pneumo.  Get her back to theater one!"

Shepard turned to Liara as she was wheeled from the room.  "It'll be alright," she promised.  She was white as the sheets she was laid on and her breathing was rapid, shallow, and labored.

Liara nodded, unable to stop the tears that poured from her eyes.  As Shepard disappeared through the doors at the end of the hallway, Liara braced herself on the doorway of the room she was still in.  She fought to avoid hyperventilating.  Another worker - possibly a tech - gently led her to a private room marked as a "quiet room".  Sofas and chairs lined the walls of the small room, interspersed with end tables and hydroponic plants. 

"Will anyone else be coming?"  The tech asked.

Liara nodded.  "Several people will be.  Just make sure that only the crew of the Normandy is allowed back.  We specifically need Doctor Karin Chakwas and Doctor Trista Alani."

The tech immediately recognized the name of the ship and realized who had just been brought in.  "Please don't hesitate to ask if you need anything."

 

*     *     *

 

As expected, Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Alani were the first to appear.  Garrus was with them.  Not far behind them came James Vega.

"Did I hear correctly?"  James asked.  "She looked that bastard in the eye and snapped his neck after he stabbed her?"

Liara was somewhat annoyed with the Marine's method of description, but she understood this to be his method of coping.  "Yes, she did.  She did not hesitate to kill him.  She moved in ways I have never seen before, though.  I would swear she had trained in a different method of fighting while she was incarcerated."

"Actually, I think that was Thane's doing," Dr. Chakwas interrupted.  "As a way of keeping her grounded after...well, during her mission against the Collectors, I had her train with him.  He had a lifetime of martial arts experience."

"I thought he was insane at first," Garrus added.  "I watched their training sessions and they'd meditate for hours.  I'd never seen her sit still for so long.  After a couple of weeks of nothing but talking and meditation, they started doing some pretty impressive stuff.  Thane Krios can be an imposing fighter."

"I did not realize that she had done that," Liara said, knowing perfectly well what Dr. Chakwas referred to.  Shepard had mentioned a new kind of training as a form of therapy, but hadn't realized until now what she'd meant. 

Garrus had noticed Liara's careful enunciation.  She typically only did that when she was worried, and these days when she worried it was about Shepard.  He sat down next to his old friend and wrapped a long arm around her shoulders.  She seemed grateful for the gesture and leaned into the tall Turian.

A few minutes later, the Asari doctor appeared, still in her surgical scrubs.  "She'll be fine," the Doctor said calmly.  "We need to keep her here for a minimum of 24 hours, but I don't forsee any complications.  Markus can show you to her room, although I would prefer only two at a time visiting."

The Turian nurse nodded at the group and led them to the recovery wing.  Down the hallway, past the doors that Shepard had been taken through initially, a sharp left turn, and down to the end of another hallway.  Shepard was in a private room.  "I understand that you are promised to the Commander," Markus said, pointing to the bracelet on Liara's wrist.

Liara nodded.

"I will make arrangements for you to remain with her for the duration of her stay," Markus said.  "For the rest of you, two at a time, no more than a few minutes.  She is awake but she does need rest."

Garrus and James stepped back.  "As long as she'll be okay, we'll leave you three to it," Garrus said.  "I, for one, would like to see what C-Sec knows about one of their officers attacking her."

Liara smiled at the pair.  "Let me know what you are able to find, Garrus.  I would like to know as well."

As they left, Liara turned to the doctors next to her.  Dr. Chakwas wordlessly led Liara into the room. 

The room was painted in soft blues and muted whites.  It was thankfully not as bright white as the hallways were.  Shepard lay in the middle of a bed set to keep her body in a "neutral" position; she looked much as she had after the Battle for the Citadel nearly three years ago.  The only difference now was that her torso was kept slightly more straight and she was tilted slightly upward to keep weight off of her lungs.  Nearly a century ago, humanity had caught on to a concept that the Asari had discovered millenia before them - that the position a body naturally takes when floating in water is conducive to circulation, breathing, and organ function.  Whenever possible, during major medical treatment, that position was preferred.  In the case of massive multi-system traumatic injury, actual submersion was used.

Shepard looked up at Liara through heavy-lidded eyes.  "Hi, Liara," she greeted, one side of her mouth curling into a slight smile.

"Hello, Shepard," Liara whispered.  She reached out to lay a hand on Shepard's upper chest.  It comforted her to feel Shepard's heart beating at a normal pace.

"We're alright, love," Shepard said, laying a hand on top of Liara's.  "Please don't cry."

Liara smiled despite her tears.  "I should be the one trying to comfort you," she chuckled.

"I know you," Shepard smiled warmly.  "I know I'm going to be fine, but you will worry until I'm up and walking."

"I don't think that will stop her worrying," Karin intoned.  "You do have a habit of giving her reason to, Commander."

"Karin," Shepard greeted the Doctor.  "Thank you for staying with her."

"That is not my only reason for being here and you know it," Dr. Chakwas replied, one eyebrow raised.  "Dr. Alani is here as well.  Do you think you have the energy to talk to her for a little while?"

Shepard nodded, and Dr. Chakwas walked out, allowing Dr. Alani to enter in her stead.  The counselor pulled up a chair while Liara carefully sat down on the bed next to Shepard.

"Commander, I know you're very tired, but I would like to try something," Dr. Alani began.  "While your mind is busy knitting your body back together, it may be slightly more receptive to a meld."

Shepard looked at Liara before she responded.  "Go ahead."

Dr. Alani relaxed back into her chair.  "Close your eyes, Commander.  Breathe deeply.  Let the tension in your body go."

Before Shepard knew it, the counselor's consciousness slipped into her mind.

 

*     *     *

 

Three days later, Shepard stood in the cargo bay, dressed sharply in her dress blues.  An angry red line still stood out where the attacker's knife had sliced her face open.  The glowing of her cybernetics had dulled, but the scars were still visible.  The powerful emotions that she'd experienced in the two minutes of fighting on the Citadel had been enough to occasionally bring out the red glow in her pupils when she felt anger begin to surface.  At the moment, a shuttle was landing.  Primarch Victus and the Salarian Dalatrass were already aboard; the Krogan ambassador was arriving now, and the summit was to begin immediately.

As the shuttle powered down and the door opened, a surprise met Shepard's eyes.

"Wrex?"  Shepard grinned.  "You're not the ambassador.  I wasn't expecting you, big guy!"

Urdnot Wrex thundered forward with a rumbling laugh.  "Ah...Shepard!"  He greeted her heartily.  "It's been too long!  Of course, you'd get stabbed in the heart and promptly kill the pyjak stupid enough to try to kill you!"

Shepard laughed.  She hadn't actually been stabbed in the heart, but she was done trying to correct the inaccuracy.  "You know me, Wrex."

"Yeah, I know better than to piss you off," Wrex chuckled.  "That's why you're a battlemaster in Clan Urdnot.  Better to have you on our side!"

Shepard exchanged the customary Krogan greeting with her friend - right hands slapped on left shoulders - and led the hulking old Krogan to the lift.  "I assume you have a very good reason for coming yourself rather than allowing your ambassador to handle this?"

"I do, Shepard," Wrex replied.  "You'll understand shortly.  I think you'll agree with me.  I should warn you in advance, though...the Dalatrass will not like what I have to say."

"Wrex, the Dalatrass wouldn't like anything you had to say anyway," Shepard retorted.  "The Salarians have never been known for their impartiality when it comes to the Krogan."

"I'm glad we're on the same page, Shepard," Wrex said almost apologetically.  "Because I'm about to make your life difficult."

Shepard was about to protest when the lift ground to a halt and the doors opened.  She drew herself up to her full height and put her business face on as they exited the lift at the CIC and made the sharp right turn to the doors that led back to the conference room and war room.  They entered the glass-enclosed conference room and gathered around the table, where Primarch Victus and the Dalatrass waited for them.

"I don't think there really needs to be much of an introduction," Shepard began with a sharp sigh.  "You both know Urdnot Wrex, even if only by reputation."

"I was not informed that we would be dealing with Urdnot Wrex," the Dalatrass complained.  "Don't you think this constitutes a conflict of interests, Shepard, considering the fact that you are an honorary member of Clan Urdnot?"

"The ambassador was Clan Urdnot as well," Shepard replied, refusing to give an inch of ground.  "Suddenly you take issue with Clan Urdnot having a place at this summit?"

"Of course not," the Dalatrass spat.  "Only with the head of the clan and one of your closest friends!"

"Wrex will have no more a stake in this than any other Krogan," Shepard held firm on her position and looked the Dalatrass in the eye.  "Are you, then, questioning my ability to remain impartial in these talks?"

The Salarian Dalatrass stopped in her tracks.  "No, Commander.  I am not."

"Good," Shepard said shortly.  "Then we can begin.  We all know why we're here.  The Reapers threaten the existence of all life in the galaxy, not just human or Turian.  Their goal is the annihilation of all advanced sentient life.  Unless we're able to work together, they will reach their goal inside a century.  The Turians have promised their help on one condition: they need Krogan assistance to back them up on Palaven."

"The Krogan will be more than happy to go to war to kill the monsters you fear again," Wrex said, "on one condition."

Primarch Victus raised an eyebrow.  "And which condition would that be?"

"A cure for the genophage," Wrex replied.

At that, the Dalatrass laughed sardonically.  "Impossible!  Even if we were to begin work now, the genophage wouldn't be cured for centuries!"

Wrex grinned wickedly.  "I disagree.  I have evidence that Doctor Mordin Solus is sitting on a cure as we speak."

Shepard wipped her head around to stare at Wrex.  "Where did you get this information, Wrex?"

"Don't bother pretending, Commander," the Dalatrass shot back.  "You traveled with Doctor Solus for several months.  Do you expect me to believe that Wrex got this information from anyone but you?"

"I guarantee I didn't get it from her," Wrex growled.  "The information was encrypted, and it came from Sur'Kesh.  Unless you're going to tell me that Shepard was there, I suggest you withdraw your accusation."

"No Salarian would commit such treason!"  The Dalatrass whined.

"It would seem that there's at least one Salarian who doesn't consider it treason," Primarch Victus remarked.

"Enough," Shepard called.  "What other information do you have, Wrex?"

"There are several fertile Krogan females being held in a lab on Sur'Kesh," Wrex rumbled, clearly angry.  "Taken from Tuchanka after being subjected to experiments by another Salarian who claimed to want to cure the Genophage.  I want those females, and I want the cure.  The Turians will get their support if my demands are met."

"Never," the Dalatrass frowned.  "We cannot afford a Krogan surge.  The genophage is our only insurance against another Krogan Rebellion."

"Since the Krogan were never given the opportunity to discuss what has been done to them, I don't think you get to make that decision," Shepard glowered at the haughty leader.  "What will it take to release the females and Doctor Solus to my custody?"

"It will NOT happen!"  The Dalatrass snapped.  "I will not preside over the worst decision in Salarian history!"

"You'll have a war with the Krogan long before the Reapers are at your doorstep -"

"Wrex!"  Shepard stopped him. 

"Are you threatening us?"  The Dalatrass demanded.

"There will be no threats other than the one I am giving now," Shepard shouted, pounding the table for emphasis.  "The Krogan have been punished for nearly a thousand years.  You will end this now, Dalatrass, and you will give them the chance to make peace or you will be dealing with me!"

Everybody stopped and stared at the Commander in shock. 

"I hardly believe the Alliance would back such a threat," the Dalatrass finally choked.

"Try me," Shepard panned.  "Don't underestimate the situation we all find ourselves in.  We need the Turians and the Krogan.  If the means to that is being held hostage on Sur'Kesh and you refuse to release it, We will come and take it.  Trust me when I say it is in the best interests of your people to cooperate."

The Dalatrass' shoulders slumped.  She leaned forward onto the table and closed her eyes.  "Alright," she said after several minutes of thought.  "I will authorize the release of the Krogan females and Doctor Solus.  You may take the Normandy, but this ship is the only one I will allow in our airspace for this purpose!"

Shepard nodded.  "Done."

The Primarch and the Dalatrass filed slowly from the room, Shepard and Wrex stopping to talk before following.

"Do you really think Mordin has a cure?"  Shepard asked.

"Whether he really does is irrelevant," Wrex replied.  "I have to try.  If I try to send our troops to Palaven without making some attempt to get something in return, they'll refuse to go.  It'll be a mess."

"Are you bullshitting me, Wrex?"  Shepard returned.

"I'd never bullshit you, Shepard," Wrex chuckled.  "I think he does have a cure, but I'm not kidding.  The clan unity I've worked out will fracture at the slightest challenge to my abilities."

"I honestly hope he does," Shepard sighed.  "Stronger ties between the clans would definitely work in our favor."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard trudged into her cabin, unbuttoning her class A tunic as she went.  She desperately hoped that the Salarian Dalatrass wouldn't call her bluff.  It wasn't entirely a bluff, but Shepard hoped most of all that only one war would be fought - against the Reapers.  She didn't want to go to war with the Salarians, regardless of the reasons. 

The tunic was hung and Shepard unbuttoned her shirt.  Halfway down, she stopped.  "Did you intend to watch, or help?"  She asked, never turning to face the person she spoke to.

"I wasn't sure at first," Liara replied, standing from the sofa.  "Personally, I'd rather do the honors myself.  Something is bothering you, though."

Shepard hung her head.  "I just had to threaten war with the Salarians.  They've been sitting on a cure for the genophage for Goddess knows how long."

Liara grinned at the expression as she slowly moved toward the Commander.  "What does that have to do with the Turians?"

"Long story," Shepard replied, turning to face her lover.  "In short, we need the Turians, the Turians need the Krogan, and the Krogan want a cure.  Somehow, I have to make all of that happen."

Liara walked into Shepard's arms, wrapping her own around Shepard's neck and shoulders.  "Enough talk of diplomacy.  How do you feel?"

Shepard welcomed the gesture and held onto Liara for a few moments before breaking the embrace.  "Sore.  Tired.  I hate being unable to train at all, but I know that if I don't rest I won't be able to do anything in the near future."

"I'm glad you understand that now," Liara replied.  She finished unbuttoning Shepard's dress shirt and pulled it back, taking a close look at the scar at the bottom left of her ribs.  "We're still docked.  I know you don't like them, but I'd really like you to take some of the pain medication you were given.  You do need some rest, and I'm concerned that you won't be able to the way your mind is working right now."

"Noticed that, did you?"  Shepard joked.

"You were broadcasting before you got onto the lift," Liara replied with a wry smile.  "I'll stay with you.  Garrus can take control of the Normandy for a few hours."

Shepard finished undressing, carefully hanging her uniform and crawling into bed.  Liara was right behind her; she pressed the rapid infuser into the crook of Shepard's right arm and massaged the spot, waiting patiently for Shepard to drift off to sleep.  She knew they would be leaving for Sur'Kesh within a day.  She hoped the trip would be uneventful, but something told her that nothing was going to go according to plan.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth begins to filter through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UCMJ: Uniform Code of Military Justice.
> 
> In today's military, the UCMJ has a very specific law about illegal orders. If you are given an illegal order, regardless of how high-ranked the officer giving that order, you are bound to disobey and report it immediately. There are currently several people in the stockade at Leavenworth serving very long sentences for carrying out illegal orders that they were supposed to disobey and report. Despite having it beaten into your head from day one that the chain of command is holy and should never be forsaken, this is the one instance where it is not merely expected but demanded that a soldier skip that chain and disobey a direct order. It is an important part of military life.

Shepard lay quietly on the couch in Dr. Alani's office, eyes shut, muscle spasms going off here and there as the counselor worked. They were in a full meld now. Dr. Alani had begun to wade through the memories of Shepard's incarceration and torture at the hands of another Asari hired by Alliance intelligence to break her mind down for information they were convinced she was refusing to give up.

 

*     *     *

 

_Shepard looked up from the datapad she'd been reading to see the person entering her room.  There were three people - and one was an Asari she'd never seen before.  This one was dressed in an Alliance uniform.  Since the Systems Alliance was comprised of humans, Shepard was extremely curious as to why an alien was wearing Alliance colors, but she didn't get the opportunity to ask._

_"Commander Shepard," Lieutenant JG Hopkins nodded at her, the stern expression ever present on his face.  "We need to have a discussion about your dealings with Cerberus."_

_"We've had that discussion many times, Lieutenant," Shepard replied.  "I've already given you all of the information I have."_

_"You will forgive me, but I don't believe that you have," Hopkins panned.  "Captain Barclay and I have decided that since you refuse to cooperate, we are going to resort to...alternative methods."_

_Shepard suddenly understood what was going on.  "You brought in an Asari to read my mind."_

_"This one is special," Captain Barclay said, grinning slightly.  Shepard found the expression unnerving.  "Your refusal to cooperate leads us to believe that you will fight our efforts every step of the way.  This Asari has a very specific kind of ability.  You can fight all you like, but eventually she'll break you."_

_Shepard's jaw dropped.  "Is Admiral Hackett aware of this?"_

_"Admiral Hackett is no longer in charge of this operation," Barclay nearly laughed.  "Admiral Mikhailovich approved this course of action."_

_Mikhailovich.  That slimy bastard had been angry with Shepard ever since she'd been given the Normandy during her hunt for Saren.  "I want Admiral Hackett notified immediately!"_

_"You don't get to make demands, Commander," Barclay spit out her rank as if it tasted foul.  "You are in detention because you decided to defect and work with a known terrorist organization.  This discussion is over."  The Captain took a step backward as if to leave, then addressed Shepard one more time.  "Oh...and should you feel that violence is an acceptable response, Petty Officer Rhodes will be here to watch you."_

_"Where is Lieutenant Vega?"  Shepard demanded._

_"He'll be outside, where he always is," Barclay shot back as he left._

_Petty Officer Rhodes was every bit as massive as Vega was.  The six-foot-eight solid wall of muscle applied biotic suppressors to Shepard's wrists and forced her to sit in the chair she had occupied before they had entered the room._

_"You know this is illegal," Shepard said to the NCO.  "What were you taught about disobeying an illegal order?"_

_"Don't start that shit with me, ma'am," Rhodes growled.  "You worked for Cerberus.  The UCMJ no longer applies to you."_

_With that, Shepard felt a bump against her mind.  This wasn't anything like Liara nudging her consciousness, asking for permission; this was someone trying to open a door as if they had a right to be there.  Shepard resisted.  The Asari before her had pulled the other chair over and faced her, relaxed, giving one the impression that she were simply talking to an old friend.  The bump turned into a punch in the head, and Shepard's head snapped backward with the force of the attempted intrusion.  She continued to resist.  The next attempt was more like a kick, and Shepard began sweating buckets and sheets with the effort and pain of fighting against the force of the Asari's attempts._

_"Fuck you," Shepard hissed._

_The Asari simply smiled._

 

*     *     *

 

The meld ended and Shepard sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the sofa and standing in one deft movement.  Without a word she walked out of Dr. Alani's office, turned left, and walked straight into the Port Lounge.  There, at the bar, she poured herself a shot of some unknown brand of Asari whiskey that was already on the counter and downed it.  She was pouring a second when the door opened and someone stepped in, stopping at the sight of the Commander standing at the bar, drink in hand.

"EDI, lock the door, privacy mode," Dr. Alani said.  EDI didn't respond verbally.  The door audibly locked in response to the command.

"I'm gonna need some liquid courage if we're gonna keep slogging through those memories," Shepard said, knocking back the second shot.

"I think that was enough of that for one day," Dr. Alani sighed, sitting gracefully in one of the big chairs a few feet away from the bar.  "One more drink, then come sit down."

Shepard did exactly that.  She tanked her third shot and dropped herself into the chair opposite the counselor. 

"I sense a very deep-seated anger at the petty officer who witnessed these torture sessions," Dr. Alani remarked.  "Moreso than the anger you feel toward any of the officers involved in this.  Why is that?"

"He knew better," Shepard replied.  "As soon as he knew what was going on, he should have contacted someone outside his chain of command to report what they were trying to do.  He could have stopped it.  He didn't just refuse to stop it, he enjoyed it."

Dr. Alani studied Shepard's face.  To the casual observer, it was a blank slate.  To the experienced counselor, however, it was a mask.  "You've thought a great deal about what you would do if you found him."

"Who wouldn't?"  Shepard retorted.  "The man ignored his responsibilities and took pleasure from watching what was done to me.  Sometimes, imagining what I'd do if I found him is the only thing that keeps me sane."

"What if he was killed in the attack?"

Shepard's expression darkened considerably.  "Don't, counselor."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard stalked through the CIC, through the security checkpoint (she did at least greet the two soldiers stationed there), and into the war room.  There stood Primarch Victus, hands behind his back, his posture unwavering. 

"Commander,"  The Primarch greeted her.

Shepard walked right up to him and glared.  "A bomb?  You planted a massive nuke on Tuchanka and you didn't tell me about it?  What the hell were you thinking?"

"That decision was made over a century ago," Victus said defensively.  "I had nothing to do with it."

"You could have warned me!"  Shepard yelled.

"So you didn't know about this, Shepard?"  Wrex chimed in.

"No!"  Shepard snapped, never breaking eye contact with Victus.  "It would have been nice to know, considering the damn thing was being dug up by Cerberus!"

"And you wonder why the Krogan don't trust you, Victus!"  Wrex rumbled. 

"I assume by your safe return to the Normandy that my son was successful," Victus stated more than asked.

"He was," Shepard replied, taking her volume down several steps.  "He paid for that success with his life."  She spun on her heel and stalked away. 

Shepard returned to the lift and made her way to the crew deck.  She all but marched down the row of sleeper pods and into the main battery, where Garrus tinkered away.

"I know those footsteps," Garrus joked.  "You're angry, Commander.  What's on your mind?"

"Victus," Shepard growled.  "What the hell was he thinking, sending me to go help his son and not telling me what was going on?  Did he really think that the reality wasn't going to piss me off?"

"I think he was afraid that if you knew, Wrex would find out and the deal to get the Krogan on board would be off," Garrus calmly replied.  "Cure or no."

"That's not an excuse," Shepard returned. 

"No, it isn't, but it should at least give you some insight into his line of thinking," Garrus said, finally looking up at her.  "Victus knows that asking for the Krogan to help on Palaven is both a long shot and a really touchy subject.  Most Turians wouldn't trust the Krogan any further than they could throw them, so asking for their assistance is no small venture.  He's asking them to ignore centuries of well-earned animosity on both sides and he knows it.  He also knows that if the Krogan find out that a bomb was planted in the Kelphic Valley a hundred years ago to wipe them out in the event of another Rebellion, the Krogan would probably find it and hurl it back at them."

"I'm a soldier, Garrus," Shepard said.  "I'm not a diplomat.  I don't play these games.  If there's a bomb powerful enough to wipe out the Krogan on their home planet, and he's sending me to help his son dismantle it, he needs to tell me.  I don't give a shit what he's afraid of.  His son died and I nearly followed trying to save him."

"What's done is done, Shepard," Garrus replied, dropping a hand on the Commander's armored shoulder.  "I think he knows he was wrong at this point.  Chalk it up to a lesson learned.  Isn't that what you told me once?"

Shepard looked away and finally nodded.  "You might wanna have a talk with him, though.  I'm so mad at him right now I could spit nails."

 

*     *     *

 

Shepard's boots clacked on the stone floor as she dropped into the underground city.  Tuchanka was surprising her at every turn.    Artimec Wing had been unable to stop their attack on the Reaper, and the ground crew needed to move NOW.  The tomkahs had to take whatever break in the road there was; there was no time to find a way around.  Shepard had to find another way to meet Wrex at the Shroud, and the only way she could find was a dank, long-abandoned tunnel far creepier than anything she had faced so far.

Garrus sniffed the air behind her.  "Smells like whatever died down here is trying to tell us to stay away."

"Whatsamatta, Garrus?"  Shepard joked, doing her best Brooklyn accent impression.  "You scared of the dark?"

"And the cobwebs, and the stench and the -"  Liara stopped short, the light on her SMG stopping at a particular spot.  "Reaper?"

Whatever it was, it looked like it had, at one time, been a Rachni.  It was dead now.  Its body was largely comprised of a large sac containing smaller Rachni-like creatures, and nobody wanted to find out exactly what they were.  "Wrex?"  Shepard spoke into her throat comm.  "Looks like we have Rachni here."

"Where are you, Shepard?"  Wrex asked.

"A tunnel system," Shepard replied.  "Looks like it's been abandoned for a very long time.  It also looks like it was in heavy use at one point, like it was part of a city."

Eve, the Krogan female, chimed in.  "You're in the lost city.  Legend has it that it is now the home of Kalros."

"Well, it's not exactly 'lost' anymore," Garrus cracked.  "Do I want to know who Kalros is?"

"The mother of all thresher maws," Eve replied.

Shepard and Liara exchanged a look.  "You know that if the Krogan gave it a name, it's gonna be a big problem," Shepard remarked.

"Big is right," Wrex replied, no mirth in his voice.  "I'd suggest you find your way out of there as soon as possible."

"Stating the obvious, Wrex?"  Shepard joked, trying to lighten the mood.  "Got any other super powers?"

Wrex could be heard grumbling.

Shepard, Liara, and Garrus had no clue where they were going, but as soon as Shepard spotted a glow in the tunnels, she made a beeline for it.  There had been some shaking in the tunnels, but shortly before they made it to the ramp to get out, the whole tunnel system quaked violently, causing dust and debris to rain on the trio.  "That was no tectonic movement," Liara breathed.

"Everyone to the surface," Shepard ordered.  "MOVE!"

All three ran as fast as their legs could carry them to the exit ahead, all of them praying that they would get there in time.  They emerged from the tunnels into blinding daylight in time to see the enormous ridge on the back of a thresher maw unlike any they'd ever seen break the surface of the sand.  They ran without stopping until they reached the abandoned temple.  The quaking floor calmed somewhat, although the Reaper forces returned in force.  First on one side of the temple, then on the other side once they'd made their way through the ancient structure.  They could see the Shroud ahead.  The Reaper dreadnought, however, stood between them and the means to cure the genophage.

"Shepard!"  Wrex yelled over the comm.  "Where are you?"

"We're approaching the bridge now!"  Shepard hollered back.  "Got any bright ideas?"

"We could summon Kalros to the Shroud," Eve thought aloud.  "We have hammers in place on either side of the bridge halfway to the Shroud itself.  If they still work..."

"I know exactly what you're thinking," Shepard interrupted, "and it's damned brilliant!  Can you attract that maw long enough for me to reach the hammers?"

"We've got it, Shepard!"  Wrex yelled.

Shepard looked back at Garrus and Liara.  Both nodded, agreeing silently that they were ready.  Before they could take one step toward the raised structure on the bridge that led to the pair of hammers, a brute landed on the bridge, blocking their main path.

"FOLLOW ME!"  Shepard bellowed, charging straight at the beast.  Just before they would have reached striking distance, Shepard broke right, swinging wide and going around it.  "Cover me!"  Came the order, and as she reached the stone half-pillar and began activating the first hammer her team turned and opened fire on the brute.  The hammer activated, Shepard turned to join the squad in attacking the brute, tossing a frag grenade as she went.  It collapsed at their feet.  All three took the time to heave a sigh of relief before breaking into a sprint to the opposite end of the platform and the second hammer.

"Shepard, you need to get to the second hammer!"  Wrex yelled.  "NOW!"

Shepard had been watching the Reaper for signs of other creatures dropping and instead caught sight of one of its giant tendrils crashing to the ground.  She stopped short just in time to avoid being crushed.  Chunks of stone were spit from the impact as though they were weightless, and Shepard was hit by several pieces of varying size.  One of them was big enough that when it smacked her in the forehead, it nearly took her to her knees and instantly made her vision swim.

"THERE'S A REAPER IN MY WAY, WREX!"  Shepard screamed. 

Liara had grabbed her arm to steady her, but Shepard refused to give in.  As soon as the "foot" lifted again, Shepard was running, both of her teammates hot on her heels.  She made it to the hammer and activated it, bringing on a fresh round of shaking turf.  Within seconds, Kalros broke the sandy surface, screaming as it did.

She was gargantuan.  Shepard had seen more than a couple of thresher maws, but Kalros was easily twice the size of any she'd ever encountered or killed.  The Reaper did exactly what Shepard hoped: attacked.  The maw did exactly what everyone hoped...she wrapped herself around the Reaper and dragged it into the Tuchankan sand, crushing it as she went.  It happened so quickly that it was almost anticlimactic.  Shepard didn't linger. She turned and ran for the Shroud, smiling as she met the tomkahs parked in front of it.  She saw Wrex jerk a thumb at the entrance to the Shroud and rather than stopping to talk, she jogged for the entrance, promising she'd be out soon.

She entered to find Mordin Solus at a panel in the main entry.  The Shroud had clearly been very badly damaged.  The Reaper's attempt to use the Shroud to poison the atmosphere had left it a mess.  "Mordin, I think the structure is damaged beyond repair."

Mordin sniffed, continuing to work without looking up.  "No other choice.  Must be done."

"Wait," Shepard said, putting out a hand to physically stop him.  "You don't have to do this."

"I must," Mordin replied, looking up with a grim expression of determination set into his face.  "Only way to right past wrongs!"  He moved around the panel and strode toward the lift without looking back.

"Mordin!"  Shepard called, having not moved past the panel.  "If you do this, it's a one-way trip!"

Mordin stopped short of the lift and turned to smile at her.  "No better way to redeem myself."  He got on the lift and said, "get everyone away from the Shroud.  Protect yourselves."

Shepard watched the Salarian as the lift raised him up and out of sight, headed for the lab at the top of the structure.  She turned and ran from the entryway, waving at everyone to move away from it as she ran away from it herself.  Once they had reached a safe distance, Liara turned to look more closely at Shepard.  She had several small cuts and bruises, but an angry gash had been carved into her forehead.  It began just above her hairline and snaked across the bridge of her nose and gouged her left cheek.  Liara pulled her med kit out and began to clean Shepard's face, hoping to avoid an infection from the dust caked on every inch of her skin.

Before Liara could start treating the worst of her wounds in earnest, an explosion caught everyone's attention.  Shepard spun around and looked up to the top of the Shroud's tower to see a flaming wreck that took up the area where Mordin would have been.  The remains of the tower were spitting out a large cloud of white mist.  Shepard stuck her hand out and allowed a few particles to land on it, watching them fade into her glove.  Liara drew her into a hug, holding Shepard's head against her shoulder.

"Damn this war," Shepard said, her voice shaking with the effort of trying not to weep.

"Damn this war," Liara agreed.


	18. Burning Bright

Shepard sat at the terminal in her quarters, staring blankly at the screen, the gash on her face still healing. Both eyes were beginning to blacken from the blood pooling in her orbital sockets. The extranet message she had been reading and re-reading had begun to blur as her eyes slipped out of focus, thoughts and plans racing through her mind. She ran a hand through her damp hair and allowed her hand to hang on the back of her neck, her elbow resting on the opposite arm (which was held tight against her chest). She knew Thane Krios wasn't going to live much longer, thanks to Kepral's Syndrome. He had already far exceeded the expectations of every doctor treating him. She had visited him every time the Normandy docked at the Citadel. He had unwittingly helped her through the darkest moments of her life. She knew he suspected that something was amiss in her life, and she hadn't ever told him exactly what it was until her last visit; to her great surprise, he displayed no shock or discomfort at being told that she had nearly committed suicide. He had gone so far as to express his early disbelief that she hadn't, considering everything that she'd been through after waking from the dead.

The message before her was from Thane's son, Kolyat.  Shepard finally cleared her head enough to open the comm line to the cockpit.

"Turn us around, Joker," Shepard said, her tone flat.  "Take us back to the Citadel."

"Aye, aye," Joker replied.  For the first time in a long time the man wasn't sarcastic, didn't argue, and didn't ask questions.  He'd heard the near-lifelessness in her voice.  He quietly sent a message to Liara via his omni-tool.

_Commander's turning us around, heading for the Citadel.  She didn't sound good.  Check on her?  ~FLT Moreau_

 

*     *     *

 

_"Balance," said Thane.  "Balance is the key to everything.  Balance in the way you breathe.  Balance in the way you stand.  Balance in the way you walk, speak, think - everything in your life needs a level of balance that would unnerve your enemy.  We've been meditating for two weeks.  Today, we're going to do it differently."_

_Shepard watched as the Drell, sitting in what she would have called a lotus position, placed his hands squarely on the deck at shoulder-width.  In one fluid motion his entire body swung out from underneath him and swung upwards until he was in a perfect, still handstand.  Her jaw went slack.  His breathing never lost pace.  There was no grunting with the effort of the movement.  He simply moved, and his body obeyed._

_Shepard moved to his side.  There was no way she was going to be able to do what he had done, but she was going to get into a handstand, come hell or high water.  She awkwardly placed her palms on the deck in the same position as Thane and carefully, slowly, manipulated her body until she was in a handstand.  It was far from perfect.  She had done handstands before, mostly to show off or cut up with other crewmembers.  Doing it like this was difficult.  It seemed she had been on her hands for an eternity when her entire body began to waver and, rather than allowing herself to fall and injure herself, she curled her body and rolled out of the stance._

_"Again," said Thane, still never losing his self-control._

_She moved back to his left and once again positioned herself in a handstand.  This time she held it for a little longer, but still had to roll out of it to avoid falling hard to the deck._

_"Again," Thane repeated.  His tone was still even and calm._

_Shepard bit back the sigh of frustration that her body wanted to release and she assumed the position yet again._

_"This time, don't think about your arms," Thane breathed.  The dual tones of his voice took on an ethereal sound.  "Don't think about your balance.  Focus on your breathing.  In for a count of three...out for a count of three.  In for a count of three...out for a count of three..."_

_Shepard lost herself in the exercise, forgetting that she was in an uncomfortable position.  She lost track of time.  She even forgot that Thane was there as she centered her body and thought about nothing but the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide in her lungs and the rate at which she was achieving it._  

 

*     *     *

 

"Alex?"

Liara's whisper, combined with a soft hand rubbing the backs of her shoulders, brought Shepard out of her reverie.  She sat up straight, turned to face Liara, and focused her eyes again.

"Liara?  What's going on?"

"I was going to ask you that question," Liara replied, a concerned furrow on her brow.  She turned Shepard's chair to face her as she sat on the end of the bed.  "I walked in and you were completely zoned out.  I called your name four times and you didn't respond until I was touching you."

"I'm sorry," Shepard apologized quietly.  "Just...remembering something."

"You were thinking about Thane," Liara remarked. 

Shepard nodded.  "Kolyat, his son, just sent me a message.  He doesn't think Thane is going to be alive much longer."

Liara leaned forward and took both of Shepard's hands.  She smiled slightly at the warmth she found there.  "I know there must be something else going on there right now, otherwise you wouldn't be delaying our mission to Benning."

"Liara, I don't think I can explain -"

"You don't have to," Liara's voice dropped to a whisper again.  "I know what he means to you.  I know that he helped you after..."  The Asari's voice trailed off, unwilling to give voice to that awful time. 

"I can't let him die alone, Liara," Shepard said, steeling her voice.

 

*     *     *

 

Their landing at the Citadel was anything but planned.  After repeated hails went unanswered, Shepard and Liara made their way to the cockpit to find out what was going on.  They were met by a message from Thane himself - Cerberus was making a move to take the Citadel, and they were there in strength.

A brief firefight at the docks ended with Shepard reuniting with Commander Bailey of C-Sec.  Shepard, Liara, and Garrus helped Bailey to his feet and protected him until they could reach C-Sec headquarters.  Once there, Bailey was able to open a comm channel with Thane.

"Thane, it's Shepard!  What's your status?"

His familiar voice came to life over the channel.  Shepard thought he sounded perfectly fine.  "I've followed the Salarian Councilor to the executor's office," the Drell replied, calm as ever.  "She was being followed by Cerberus forces."

"We'll meet you there," Shepard replied.  Bailey gave the squad directions as he began treating his own wounds, refusing Liara's help.  They left at his insistence.

A few strained firefights continued as they made their way down familiar corridors in the Council offices, making their way to the executor's suite.  They came through the raised VIP lounge overlooking the executor's office, and Shepard muttered curses under her breath.  She could see the executor and two bodyguards dead in the office below.  She also noticed a chair moving without anyone in it - she looked around for the quickest way down.  Before she could find it, a new enemy appeared.  Leaping down from a girder in the ceiling, the newcomer - clad in jet-black armor - timed his arrival with the appearance of Valern, who shimmered into appearance out of nowhere.  She had been cloaked.

Shepard fired a shot to break the glass and dropped to the office floor below, aiming her pistol at the new Cerberus lackey.  He deftly moved to position the Councilor between himself and Shepard, raising a hand thruster and keeping it warm to threaten the Salarian.  "Don't," the man hissed.

"Shepard, he's going to kill us all!"  Valern whispered harshly.

"Not today," Shepard growled.

"No, I mean Udina!  He's been staging a coup!  He's leading the other councilors into a trap!"

Shepard's eyes widened in shock.  Before she could respond, Thane appeared behind the Cerberus assassin.  In the blink of an eye the pair began a deadly dance, each obviously highly-trained.  A series of blocked strikes was often followed by a new barrage of attempted (and failed) strikes.  Thane tried  to shoot the assassin, but he disappeared - only to reappear a moment later, a sword in hand rather than a gun.  They continued their spinning, blocking, and striking until Shepard lost track of who was where.  Then, the dance came to a sudden halt, and Thane dropped to the floor, blood pouring from a wound in his chest.  Shepard had no idea how it had happened, but the Cerberus assassin had run him through.

"Thane!"  Shepard called helplessly, watching the assassin retreat.  Enraged, she tore off after him, firing blindly at his back as he went.  He jumped onto the roof of a waiting skycar as Shepard emptied her thermal mag at him and kept pulling the useless trigger.  Realizing that she'd lost the killer, she spun and ran back to the doorway they had come through; Thane had followed, though he didn't have the strength to raise his pistol any longer.

"Catch him," Thane gurgled. 

Shepard gave Liara a look.  _{Look after him for me?}_   She had no idea if Liara would hear her.

Liara nodded and dropped to Thane's side as Garrus ran past.  Shepard turned and joined her Turian friend as her comm crackled to life again.

"Shepard, what was all that?"  Bailey asked.

"Thane needs to be transported to the hospital," Shepard replied, "and I'm following another Cerberus killer!  Where are the other councilors?"

"They're headed for a shuttle pad on the Presidium," Bailey said.  "Take one of our cars and start heading for the coordinates, I'll try to raise them on the comm!"

_Like hell I will_ , Shepard thought.  She was going after the Cerberus assassin.  She figured that he was headed for the other councilors anyway.  She dove into the waiting C-Sec patrol car, Garrus in the passenger seat, and they took off after the assassin.  Not far from where they'd begun, Shepard and Garrus could see the shuttle pads Bailey had referenced.

"If we set down there, we -" Garrus began.

Shepard interrupted him.  "No.  I want that assassin.  He has to be the one leading this army!"

As if in response, the assassin appeared.  He had leapt onto the roof of the C-Sec car.  Shepard hollered at Garrus to take the controls (which he cursed her for) and hung out her window, aiming her newly reloaded Paladin pistol at him and firing.  He ducked, rolled, and spun to avoid being hit, then when Shepard was empty again, he drove his sword into the engine compartment of the car.  It immediately began sputtering and dropping, and the assassin nonchalantly leapt off their car and onto his own, the driver pulling up and away.

Shepard took the controls again and tried to aim her crash-landing at the shuttle pads, just barely making it onto one and destroying the shuttle parked there.  She looked up to see the assassin's car landing several stories up.  It looked as if he was going to take the lift down to their position.

Shepard and Garrus looked around to find the shuttle pad the councilors were on and, finding them three pads away, leapt across those in between them and their charges.  The council shuttle pad was more heavily protected, so they had to take the time to run down the adjacent plank and around to where Kaidan Alenko was trying to ferry the council members to a waiting shuttle.

"What?"  Udina started, noticing Shepard sweeping up on them.  "Shepard!  It's you!  You're the one behind this!"

Shepard and Garrus both raised their rifles and drew a bead on the traitor.  "That's hilarious, Udina," Shepard seethed.  "You are the one who let Cerberus onto the Citadel."

"Councilor Udina, what is going on here?"  Demanded Councilor Tevos.

"I'm sorry, but the human Councilor has betrayed you," Shepard replied, raising her voice a notch.  "Right now, Cerberus troops are coming down this lift and they plan to wipe out all non-human members of the Council.  Valern has the evidence."

"Valern is dead!"  Udina yelled.

Everyone turned their gaze to Udina.  "And just how would you know that?"  Alenko asked.

Udina froze for a moment before seemingly coming to his senses.  He pulled a pistol from his waistband and leveled it at nobody in particular.  Everyone stopped in their tracks, shocked at this turn of events.

"GUN!"  Alenko shouted.  Without further hesitation, he fired on Udina, striking him in the chest and dropping his lifeless body to the deck.

Within seconds, the sound of the lift stopping at the shuttle pad level could be heard.  Everyone turned and trained guns on the door, fully expecting the Cerberus troops to come pouring out.

To Shepard's great relief, it was Bailey and two of his higher-ranked officers.

"As soon as they realized you were already here and we were behind them, they took off through the keeper tunnels," Bailey said.  He looked terrible.  His shirt was bloody and his face was pale and diaphoretic.

"You need medical attention," Shepard remarked.

"Well, it works out," Bailey sighed.  "Thane has been taken to Huerta Memorial.  You drive." 

The pair rushed to a waiting shuttle and commandeered it, leaving the rest of the group standing in stunned silence.


	19. In Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn of events.

"Commander..." Thane struggled to speak. He was no longer spitting up blood, but every word required effort. "I'm afraid I won't be joining you again."

"You've done enough, Thane," Shepard replied softly.

Thane smiled slightly.  "That assassin should be embarrassed.  A terminally ill Drell managed to stop him from reaching his target."

Shepard smirked.  "I'll pass the word along."

Thane stiffened in pain as a fit of wet coughing overwhelmed him.  As it subsided, he calmed himself - body and mind.  "Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths...I ask forgiveness.  Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand..."

As coughing took him over again, his son continued in his stead.  "Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and send him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit."

Thane beamed as Kolyat finished the prayer.  "You've been spending time with the priests."

Kolyat nodded with a sad smile.  He turned to Shepard and handed her a small, well-worn book.  "Commander, would you care to join me?"

Shepard didn't share their beliefs - she wasn't sure if she believed in any deity, really - but for Thane, she felt an obligation to help him pass peacefully.  She took the book from the younger Drell.

Kolyat began.  "Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention."

Shepard followed.  "Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve.  Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me."

As she finished the prayer, Thane breathed his last.  There was no painful moan, there were no tears; the energy that made him alive simply disappeared, like a candle being extinguished.  Shepard gave his hand one final squeeze before letting go.

"Kolyat...why did the final verse say 'she'?"

Kolyat couldn't face her when he responded.  "The prayer was not for him, Commander.  He has already asked forgiveness for the lives he has taken.  This was for you.  It was his final wish."

 

*     *     *

 

Liara could feel the despair rolling off of Shepard as her lover trudged through the doors back into the waiting area of the hospital.  She stood and approached her, though she had no idea what to say.  All she could do was wrap Shepard in a warm embrace.  She knew that Shepard was holding back.  She knew that Shepard didn't want to be spotted in the vids openly weeping, regardless of the reason.  Liara broke their hug and led her back to the lift.  Shepard didn't say a word as they made their way back to the Normandy.

Once on board, Liara was surprised when Shepard veered to the left, into the cockpit. 

"Benning, Joker," Shepard ordered calmly.  "ASAP."

"Aye, aye," Joker replied.

Shepard turned and walked back toward the lift, Liara close at heel.  They wordlessly made their way to Shepard's cabin, where both mechanically went through the motions of getting ready for bed.  There would be two relay hops and a total of eleven hours of travel time - just enough to catch some sleep.  Liara knew that Shepard needed it.  Both showered, dried, and stripped nude, they clambered into bed.  Liara had expected Shepard to nod right off, but surprisingly, she turned to Liara and wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her close.

"Thank you for waiting for me," Shepard whispered.

Liara reached up and lovingly stroked a pale cheek before giving her a chaste kiss.  "Why wouldn't I, love?"

"You're still the Shadow Broker," Shepard replied.  "You still have a million things to do.  You could have done anything other than sit there for an hour and wait for me."

"Today I was just Liara T'Soni.  My priority was you."

Shepard kissed her deeply, making her intent known.  Liara had more than enough energy, but she knew Shepard didn't.

"You need to rest," Liara said as the kiss broke.

"Right now, I need you more," Shepard all but sobbed.

 

*     *     *

 

The unnamed city they'd landed in on Benning was a mess of stacked living pods, one on top of the other, stretching as far as the eye could see.  Shepard had no idea how people in the big city got used to living like this.  It was fine to do it on board a ship for a while, but when she went planet-side, she wanted to get away from the teeming throng of humanity.  She wanted to go to the middle of nowhere and enjoy the grass, the trees the air - anything to forget being cooped up with other people.

Here, their mission was very specific: rescue a group of civilians.  Cerberus had been enticing them one at a time, but apparently they needed more bodies and had begun rounding them up en masse.  A large group of innocents had been holed up for days, hoping for rescue.  Shepard felt a pang of guilt for putting it off, but it wasn't for naught.  If the Citadel had fallen to Cerberus, the war might well be over by now - and not in a positive way.

Shepard simply could not understand how people could find their way around cities built like this.  Just looking at the narrow walkways and skyways gave her a headache.  How the hell -

"I guess it's that way," James pointed, referring to the sound of gunfire.

Shepard and Garrus turned to follow the noise, Shepard in the front.  What little intel they had been given about this mission seemed to report there being a much smaller attack force here than there had been on Eden Prime, but nothing could be taken for granted.  One lucky trooper could get a shot in at the wrong moment and catch any of them unawares.  All three of them were well-trained and very talented as soldiers, but...

"Shepard," James whispered from behind.  "Eleven o'clock!"

Shepard looked slightly to her left and saw it - a group of Cerberus troops trying to force a door open.  On instinct, all three began scanning the area for other troops or traps.  Satisfied that it was clear, Shepard moved forward, crouched low, her squad falling in behind her.  They took up positions just outside the door to the entry pod.  At Shepard's OK, James lobbed a frag grenade into the middle of the group.  The troops hardly seemed to notice at first, only cluing in the instant before it exploded.  That was their cue.  Garrus tossed a proximity mine, which the big, heavily-armored Centurion immediately stepped on and set off.  After that, only three of the troops were left, and two of them were wounded.

Shepard took that as an open invitation.  She executed a perfect biotic charge, hitting two as she went, killing them instantly.  When she stopped, she immediately fired her rifle at the third, ending him.  The bark of a powerful sniper rifle made her stop and stumble backwards.  She was too stunned to realize what was happening until two more shots went off.

"COMMANDER!"  James bellowed, charging in and dragging her backwards, out of the line of sight.  Garrus had already spotted the offender and as the sniper tried to line up shot number four, the Turian put a round through his helmet.  He hadn't thought much of it until he turned to head for Shepard.

"Vega to Normandy," James yelled into his throat comm.  "The Commander is down.  We need a medical evac and a relief team to rescue the civilians!"

Garrus hit his knees next to Shepard.  The rifle must have been a powerful one - all three rounds fired at Shepard had pierced her armor.  Shepard was completely unresponsive and the color was actively draining from her face.  Garrus scooped her up off of the floor and ran back down the walkway to the landing area, James holding point with his rifle at the ready.  Seconds later, the shuttle landed; the relief team jumped off and Garrus carried Shepard on board.

"You stay here and help the other team," Garrus ordered.  "She'll have both our heads if you don't!"

James nodded and watched the shuttle take off.  Then he turned to the other team, rage evident on his face.

 

*     *     *

 

Out of nowhere, Liara felt a sharp, stabbing pain through the right side of her chest.  It was followed by a second and third both in her right abdomen.  The pain was so intense that it nearly drove her to her knees in front of her terminal and left her gasping for air.  She was briefly confused but quickly realized where it was coming from.  Shepard had been wounded. 

She stumbled out of her office and onto the lift, making it to the cargo bay just in time to see the doors closing as the shuttle had taken off.  She knew that Corporals Westmoreland and Campbell were both gifted combat medics, but a ground crew never called for medial evac unless it was bad.  Liara waited very impatiently for the shuttle to return, and when the doors opened and the stretcher came into view, her heart stopped.

Shepard lay pale and unresponsive.  Her chest plate had been removed, revealing blood-soaked armor skins and three bullet holes in her torso.  The wounds had been packed with trauma dressings as they were too severe for medi-gel; surgery would need to be done to avoid debris being sealed in.  A large-bore needle protruded from the middle of Shepard's right rib cage and the stretcher was saturated in blood that still dripped from the crude vent that was keeping her pleural layer drained, allowing her lungs to keep expanding.

A tube protruded from Shepard's mouth, something Liara had never seen before.  That was what scared her more than anything else.  As the lift reached the crew deck, Westmoreland and Campbell literally ran with the stretcher to the med bay.  As soon as Shepard was transferred to a surgical bed, Dr. Chakwas led Liara back to the doors.

"This is something you cannot be here for," Dr. Chakwas said apologetially.  "I'm sorry.  I don't know how long this will take, but as soon as it's over I will come and find you."

It had happened so quickly that Liara's head was spinning as she dropped into a chair in the mess hall.  Garrus sat beside her, equally as bewildered despite having been there.

"Garrus," Liara began, "what...what was that in her mouth?"

Garrus had to think for a moment before he realized what she was referring to.  "Humans call it 'intubation'.  They've been using that kind of device for about three centuries, I think.  When human injuries are bad enough, I guess their throats tend to close.  Shoving a tube down their throat and pumping air into it is the best way to keep them breathing."

Liara completely broke down.  Garrus felt a rush of guilt for having been so insensitive in his description.  He wrapped his long arms around her and apologized profusely, wishing he could take back his words. 

 

*     *     *

 

Liara had no idea how long she'd been asleep.  She woke still leaned against Garrus, Dr. Chakwas on her other side, rubbing her back to wake her gently.  She jolted upright, suddenly remembering why she had fallen asleep in the mess hall in the first place.

"My dear, I am not going to lie to you," Dr. Chakwas said.  "Her injuries are quite grave.  The upper lobe of her right lung was penetrated and a good portion of her lung filled with blood.  The other rounds perforated her colon and small intestine.  I've been able to repair the immediate damage, but we have to return to the Citadel.  She needs a level of care that we cannot continuously provide here."

At those words, Liara's eyes welled with tears.  "Will she be alright?"

Dr. Chakwas hesitated before responding.  "I honestly don't know, Liara.  I wish I could tell you that she will be, but...any other human would already be dead.  The only reason she is still alive is because of all of the enhancements."  The Doctor refused to name aloud the organization that had both given her life and attempted to kill her.  "I had Joker turn the ship back to the Citadel as soon as the relief crew was back on board.  We have about another eight hours before we arrive.  I've already set up a bed for you so you can remain with her."

Garrus helped Liara to her feet and walked with her into the med bay.  On the bed furthest from the door, Shepard lay completely still; the tube was still present, now attached to a machine that forced air into her lungs.  Of all the injuries Liara had seen, this was by far the worst.  She had never seen anyone so badly injured that they couldn't breathe on their own.  If Dr. Chakwas was near tears herself, it did not bode well. 

Liara tried to speak through their link but found herself shut out.  Shepard was completely unconscious.  She stroked Shepard's blood-streaked blond locks and allowed her fingers to remain there as she buried her face in Shepard's shoulder and wept bitterly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would I really kill Shepard here? We all know that's a big "hell no." You'd refuse to read any further if I did.
> 
> Just play along, though, m'kay? Humor me!


	20. Yer Majesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard finds her old self.

A heavy security detail met the Normandy at the docks and Shepard was taken from her ship in an enclosed hover stretcher. Crowds had been cleared from the entire route, although the press was anxious to get even the briefest of shots. Questions were hollered at Liara and Dr. Chakwas, but neither so much as looked at the reporters calling out to them.  _How can they intrude on our grief like this?_   Liara thought.  _Do they have no scruples at all?_

They were met at Huerta Memorial by Dr. Chloe Michel.  Dr. Chakwas disappeared with her to discuss treatment and Liara sat down in a corner near the inpatient wing.  She wasn't alone long; Garrus, James, Joker, and EDI all filtered in.  No words were spoken.  None were needed.  Everyone knew they were scared to death of where this could end, and everyone knew who would be most devastated if it didn't go well.

A few hours later, Liara was led to ICU.  She dutifully took her position at Shepard's side.  She was exhausted.  She was tired of war, tired of the fear, tired of worrying that every mission would be Shepard's last.  Dr. Chakwas' warning from years before filtered through her mind yet again: _"Eventually, you may consider leaving so that you don't have to watch her leave repeatedly."_   Liara banished the thought as soon as it appeared.  She could never leave Shepard.  She loved the Commander too much.  She would remain with her until death, even if it cost her own life.

Liara helped the nurses with everything that she could.  When it came to bathing Shepard, that was something Liara insisted that she do alone.  Shepard had long since lost any sort of modesty about things like showering with the crew, but this was different.  Shepard was extremely vulnerable.  She would have been upset if anyone else had been involved in something so intimate if it wasn't necessary.  Shepard spent two hours of every day in a submersion treatment tank, the water treated with nanites similar to the technology already in Shepard's body.

A week went by.  Everyone came and tried to talk Liara into leaving for just an hour, but she refused.  What if Shepard wakes up and I'm not here?  Several arguments were employed, but Liara heard none of them.  Nine and a half days after being shot, Shepard started breathing on her own.  Twelve hours later, she opened her eyes.

Shepard looked over at the Asari sleeping in the bed with her.  She didn't have to move much to kiss the top of her head.  Liara stirred slowly; she hadn't been in a very deep sleep in the first place, but the warmth of Shepard's body and the pulse under her skin had been comforting enough to doze off.  She pushed up enough to rest on her elbows and looked down at her lover, a warm smile lighting up her eyes. 

"Hi, Liara," Shepard greeted her, voice raspy and cracking from lack of use and days of having a tube in her throat. 

"Hello, Shepard," Liara replied, stretching up to kiss Shepard's cheek.

"How long have I been here?"  Shepard asked.

"About a week and a half," Liara replied.

"How bad?"

Liara's eyes filled with tears.  "Bad enough, my love.  I thought I'd lost you."

 

*     *     *

 

"Commander Alexandra Shepard is on her feet for the first time since she was wounded in the Cerberus attack on Benning," Diana Allers' voice came through the TV.  "The Commander was hit multiple times by a sniper while trying to rescue a group of civilians being abducted by Cerberus forces two weeks ago.  She was in critical condition for about a week and today, she took her first physical steps on the road to recovery.  Doctors are very optimistic that she'll be back in the fight before long.  The Commander herself wasn't up for an interview but did release a statement, saying, 'if I were that sniper's instructor, I would be ashamed of myself.  He was a very poor shot.  My sniper would have been able to kill with only one.'"

Liara shot Shepard a sideways glance.  "You did not actually say that, did you?"

"You bet your ass I did," Shepard snickered.

"Alex!"

"Liara!"

"You're incorrigible."

"I try."

Liara leaned over Shepard's grinning face and gave her a quick kiss.  "Karin and Chloe have agreed that you can return to your quarters on board the Normandy tomorrow."

"Thank the Goddess," Shepard joked.

Liara laughed aloud.  "You know, one of these days, Athame might actually strike you down for making that joke."

"She just tried.  I'm still here."

"You must be feeling much better today," Liara remarked, sitting down beside Shepard's bed.  "I haven't heard you joke around this much in months."

Shepard shifted in the bed and let out a long sigh.  "I know.  It's been difficult to keep my spirits up running from one crisis to the next with no time to breathe.  I'm sorry."

"We're at war," Liara said.  "I do understand the stress.  I'm not the Commander, but I'm close enough to you to see what it's doing to you."

"That doesn't mean I should push you away," Shepard said.

Liara leaned in and laid a hand on Shepard's arm.  "You are not pushing me away.  You are Commander Shepard, captain of the SSV Normandy.  You lead the most in-demand crew in the Alliance.  Even other races call upon you to solve their problems.  You're doing the best you can.  I'm just happy you've retained your sanity through all of this."

"Aw, that's cute," Shepard grinned.  "You think I'm sane!"

Liara let out a hearty laugh that could be heard down the hall.

 

*     *     *

 

"Captain on the bridge!"

At those words, the entire crew snapped to attention.  They had been called to "man the rails," something that, centuries before, meant the sailors would line every outer deck of the ship in their dress whites.  Nowadays the crew lines the outer edge of the CIC to welcome a senior officer - in this case, Commander Shepard.  The sound of nearly sixty boots hitting the deck rang out as each member of the crew, in unison, brought their right foot in to their left, snapping their heels together in one swift motion.  Shepard stepped onto the bridge dressed sharply in her dress blues; she took a few steps in, and once in the middle of the bridge, she turned to her left and snapped to attention herself.  Joker and Garrus stood to her left.

"Pre-seeeeent ARMS!"  The last word sounded more like "hurrrrr" the way Joker called out the order.  The crew gave a crisp salute, slowly returned by Shepard.

"Or-derrrrr ARMS!"  Joker gave the order and the crew dropped their salute.

"As you were," Shepard ordered, sending the crew back to their posts.  She turned to Garrus and shook his hand.  "Thank you for keeping the Normandy in order, mister Vakarian."

"It was my pleasure, Commander," Garrus replied, recognizing the familiar military decorum.  "I am happy to hand her back to you."

"I'm sure you are," Shepard smiled.  "Mister Moreau, take us out of the dock.  Set a course for The Far Rim.  We're going to find the Migrant Fleet."

"Aye aye," Joker replied with a smile.

Shepard made her way to the lift, Liara close at her side.  She didn't move as briskly as she normally did, but she still stood straight and walked with purpose.  Shepard thought about how the short ceremony had gone off without a single hitch, impressed that nobody had attempted to play a prank on her.  The thought crossed her mind and she smiled as she got onto the lift - and was showered with confetti.  The smile disappeared from her face as Joker, who had remained rooted in his spot to see the Commander's expression, blew on an Alliance-blue paper party blower once and smiled.

"I just had to be impressed with how...inauspicious that was," Shepard growled.

Liara was suppressing a laugh, though her smile was difficult to hide.  "Alex, they're happy you're back.  Let them have a little bit of fun."

"I'm going to be finding confetti in strange places for a month," Shepard grumbled. 

"I think it's cute."

"Wait'll you find it in your boots."

"It'll still be cute."

"Or your underwear."

"Shepard..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and the short chapter...the Quarians are about to show up, though, so it'll make up for it.
> 
> I'm also planning a little bit of comedy. One of Rae D Magdon's inventions might be making a brief appearance.


	21. Wearing Me Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexual frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BDU: Battle Dress Uniform  
> XO: Executive Officer  
> Lavatory: the Navy term for a bathroom (Army calls it a latrine, Marines call it the head)

Shepard walked into her cabin and tugged open the buttons on her tunic, wanting very much to get out of her dress blues. Liara had gone to the Broker's office to check on her data feeds, and with a trip that would take more than three days, Shepard was certain that several issues needed her attention before they reached the Far Rim. She stripped out of her uniform and carefully hung it up, slipped into her N7 sweats, and sat down at her desk to check her messages.

Before she could wake up her terminal, she noticed a box sitting on the desk - along with a handwritten note in Liara's beautiful script.

_My Love~_

_Now that you're healed enough to return to duty, I thought we could try something new.  I made an investment toward that end.  I will return to your cabin at 1600.  Be prepared._

_~Liara_

Shepard set the note down and tore the delivery box open, revealing something that made her smile.  She'd seen ads for these devices in the vids on the Citadel whenever she passed adult stores, but hadn't believed Liara would be willing to try such a thing.  It was a phallic prosthesis meant for use by human women and Asari, designed by the Salarians; it had the ability to transmit sensation, giving the wearer all the same pleasure that an actual cock would for a human male.  Shepard had fantasized about taking Liara with one but never told her about it.  She wondered for a moment what made her make this purchase, but the moment passed and Shepard glanced at the clock.  It read 1344.  _More than enough time_ , she thought.  Shepard jumped in the shower despite having taken one before leaving Huerta Memorial.

The Commander took her time, spending a good 20 minutes in the shower.  She allowed her fantasies to flood her mind, her arousal growing steadily.  Every new position she thought of sent another pulse of heat straight through her core.  As she stepped out and toweled off, Shepard wondered what she should wear.  BDUs?  No, that was too much clothing to have to remove.  Boxers?  No, that was too little, and if anyone else came to her door for any reason it would be rather embarrassing.  She settled on her N7 sweatpants and a tank top.  Liara always did like seeing her musculature.

Shepard glanced at the clock again.  1421.  This was going to be a painfully long wait.  Shepard sat down at her terminal again to check her messages.  Most of them were dull procedural matters that she couldn't do much about right now anyway.  Shepard fired off a few responses and looked at the clock again.  1455.

_Holy shit, this is unfair!_

Shepard considered calling Liara and asking her to come early, but she knew Liara would tell her to be patient.  Right now, patience was definitely not her strong suit.  Shepard decided to acquaint herself with the new toy.  She pulled out the instruction booklet and was instantly disappointed; it was short and simple.  This wasn't going to kill much time.  Her clit was already throbbing and Liara wouldn't be at her door for another hour.  The instructions told her what she had already figured out.  The shorter end of the device went inside the wearer, and the sensory plate rested against the wearer's clit for transmission to the nervous system.  Shepard considered putting it in right then and there, but she knew she wouldn't be able to control the urge to play with it.  She knew that if she did that, she wouldn't have much left for Liara.  That would be disastrous.

Shepard sighed heavily and put it back down on the desk.  The extranet address for the company responsible for this invention caught her eye, and out of curiosity Shepard decided to visit the site.  The Salarians knew how to sell their inventions, and this one had to have netted hundreds of millions of credits.  She read through instructions, testimonials, even potential uses.  Then something caught her eye.  The short end had a reservoir in it.  She suddenly realized that this thing could ejaculate.  The thought of sharing that moment with Liara made Shepard blush violently.  It also made her entire core thrum with anticipation.  She looked at the clock again.

1553.

Shepard leaped out of her chair, took the toy, and ran into her lavatory.  She dropped her pants and boxers and carefully inserted the short end, situating the sensory plate properly.  A split second later, Shepard could feel it, as if it were part of her body.  It took a moment for her to calm herself enough to pull her pants back on.  That action brought about a whole new set of feelings and reactions, making her shudder where she stood.  Even walking was a challenge.  It wasn't uncomfortable; on the contrary, it was very pleasurable.  It was almost too much so, and Shepard knew better than to try and sit down.  She leaned against the support for the display wall and waited.

The seconds ticked by almost interminably.  Liara was right on time.  She walked into the cabin and Shepard pushed off of the wall and turned to face her lover, hands in her pockets, a welcoming grin on her face.

Liara stepped in far enough to allow the door to close and drank in the sight of her lover.  The tank top left little to the imagination.  Shepard's sculpted arms were on full display, and the fabric clung to her chiseled abs.  Liara's eyes strayed further South to see a telltale bulge in Shepard's pants, and the Asari smiled seductively.

"Why, Commander," Liara cooed.  "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're happy to see me."

Shepard stepped toward Liara and pulled her hands out of her pockets, reaching out for Liara's waist to draw her closer.  "Really?  And if I were, would that be reciprocated?"

Liara giggled and wrapped her arms around Shepard's toned shoulders, drawing her in for a kiss.  It was long and started slowly, deepening over a span of minutes.  Shepard snaked her arms around Liara's midsection, pulling her lover's body as tightly against her own as she could.  Liara could feel the shaft between Shepard's legs pressing against her.  Her intent on drawing this out and making it last was melting away.  She was rapidly losing any semblance of control.  All she wanted right now was for Shepard to take her right there, against the desk, on the floor...the bed only feet away seemed to be too far at this point.

Shepard pulled her arms apart and slipped her fingers underneath Liara's Alliance uniform shirt - the one that Admiral Hackett had insisted that she begin wearing if she was going to be on board an Alliance vessel - and slid it up, slowly removing it.  As the shirt was about to clear Liara's head, Shepard paused and bent down to gently take one of her lover's nipples into her mouth.  Liara gasped in surprise at the contact and her abs went rigid with pleasure.  Shepard managed to finish removing the shirt as she moved to the other nipple, lavishing the same attention on it as she dropped the uniform on the floor.

Then, with the worst possible timing, Shepard's comm began dinging for her attention.  The Commander stood back up and gave Liara a brief kiss, replacing her mouth with her hand, massaging one breast while the other hand pressed the button on her terminal to answer the call.

"What is it?"  Shepard answered, irritation evident in her tone.

"Commander, I hate to disturb you," Joker's voice came over the comm.

"No you don't," Shepard retorted, noting the edge of laughter in the pilot's voice.  "Get on with it."

"Admiral Hackett just called," Joker all but chuckled.  "We're diverting to Noveria.  He says he'll brief you on the situation once your team is in the air.  ETA forty-five minutes."

Shepard didn't respond.  She closed the comm channel and growled out her aggravation.  "I can't believe this."

Liara allowed a hand to slowly venture beneath the waistband of Shepard's pants and boxers, where her fingers brushed against the rigid head of Shepard's cock.  "I'd suggest we make use of the time, but most of it needs to be spent putting on armor and checking our...um... _weapons_."  Liara emphasized the last word with a tempting grin.

Shepard's hips jerked forward on impulse at the touch.  "Jesus, Liara...do that again and there's no way we'll be ready to go at drop time!"

Liara kissed Shepard deeply and thoroughly, putting all of her intent into it.  "Then we'd better stop now.  We will finish this conversation when we get back, Commander."

 

*     *     *

 

The mission dragged on much longer than Shepard thought it would.  Cerberus had poured all of their troops into defending their fighter base on Noveria.  It turned out that the entire wing of pilots had decided to defect to the Alliance; they wanted to aid the war effort.  Cerberus found out about the plan and sent their best platoons to remain in control of the base, even if they ended up needing to kill the pilots.  Shepard's team had been overwhelmed for two hours while they remained in cover and slowly picked off Cerberus troops one at a time.  When the battle dragged into the fourth hour, they had finally been able to advance and make some headway, and an Atlas had dropped onto the landing pad, forcing Cortez to make off with the shuttle so they had a ride back to the Normandy. 

Finally, five hours later, the team was headed back to the ship.  They were exhausted and had a few scrapes and bruises but none were the worse for wear.  They went through their customary post-mission checkups with Dr. Chakwas and everyone parted ways.  Liara followed Shepard into her cabin.  Shepard showered first, gave Liara an inviting kiss, and Liara was in after her, trying to hurry.

She came out expecting Shepard to be waiting for her.  Instead, she found the Commander sprawled out on the bed, snoring.  She was sound asleep.

Liara was disappointed, but she would far rather have Shepard rest and take care of herself than try to push it, especially after what she'd just survived.  She thoroughly dried herself off and crawled into bed next to Shepard, gave the command to shut off the lights, and drifted to sleep quickly.

The pair slept for a solid nine hours before Liara woke to the familiar feel of Shepard's naked body curled up against hers.  Shepard was slowly waking her up, peppering the back of her neck and shoulders with light, gentle kisses.  Sensing the change in Liara's breathing, Shepard spoke quietly.  "Good morning, love."

Liara smiled sleepily.  "Good morning."  She turned to face Shepard, pulling their bodies flush as she went.  "I do believe we need to talk."

"Is that so?"  Shepard grinned.  She rolled over on top of Liara and gave her a deep, tantalizing kiss, teasing Liara with her tongue.  "What would you like to talk about?"

Liara surprised Shepard.  In a grappling maneuver Shepard had taught her, Liara lifted her hips and spun to her left, tossing Shepard over onto her back with Liara straddling her hips.  She pinned Shepard's wrists above her head and leaned down for another kiss.  "Where is it?"  Liara finally whispered.

"In its case," Shepard whispered back between kisses.  "In my desk.  Your thumbprint still opens it."

Liara, fully aware that Shepard would be watching her the entire time, peeled herself away from Shepard and walked back to the desk with a sway in her hips.  She hadn't even made it to the desk when the comm rang out again.  Unwilling to allow further interruption, Liara opted to answer.  She hoped that she could postpone whatever it was that was going on.

"Doctor T'Soni!"  Joker replied, openly giggling this time.  "I, uh...wasn't expecting you!"

"Really, Joker?"  Liara returned.  "The Commander is resting.  What do you need?"

"Um, I'm sorry, but you need to wake her up," Joker replied.  "Admiral Anderson is on vid comm and wants a conference between her and Admiral Hackett."

Liara rolled her eyes.  It was as if the universe were conspiring to come between them.  "Ask them to give me ten minutes.  I will make sure she's there."

Shepard was up and getting dressed before Liara had the chance to close the channel.  "I'm making an executive decision.  Once the war is over, we're going to find an uninhabited corner of the galaxy to live in and stay the hell away from everyone."

"Oh, Shepard," Liara sighed.  "You couldn't stay away from civilization if you tried."

Shepard finished situating her BDUs and wrapped Liara in a tight hug.  "I'll be back as quickly as I can," she said, planting a lingering kiss in the crook of Liara's neck.

"I look forward to it," Liara replied with a bright smile.

 

*     *     *

 

Two hours later, Shepard rushed back to her cabin only to find it empty.  The bed had been made and dirty clothes had been sent down the laundry chute.  Sitting on her desk was the case containing the toy they had been trying to enjoy for nearly two days, along with a note.

_I expect you to call me the moment you return._

Shepard took the toy back to the lavatory, got herself ready, and called Liara.  Barely three minutes later her lover strode through the door, wasting no time.  Liara made a beeline for Shepard's lips, kissing her and walking her backwards.  Somehow they ended up in the niche of Shepard's desk, and Shepard rolled with it.  She lifted Liara off her feet and sat her on the desk, slotting her hips between Liara's thighs, their lips never parting for more than a second so they could breathe.  Shepard began to grind against her lover, nervous and excited all at once, her shaft practically buzzing in anticipation as Liara began to hurriedly unbutton her shirt...

The comm rang again.

"No," Shepard whined, dropping her head onto Liara's shoulder.  Her erection was getting painful, and if she wasn't able to relieve it soon, she couldn't be held responsible for her actions.

This time, Joker didn't wait for her to answer - and the man wasn't laughing this time.  "Commander, we have an emergency situation on Eden Prime!"

Shepard stood upright, hesitating to leave the warmth of Liara's body.  She noticed Liara shivering as well and realized that she was probably just as frustrated.  "Joker, this had better be serious."

"We've just received a distress call," Joker replied.  "The resistance is in trouble.  They're requesting the help of any Alliance ships in the area!"

"Turn us around," Shepard ordered.  "What's our ETA?"

"We hadn't made the jump out of Pax yet because of your conference," Joker replied.  "ETA is just over an hour, Commander."

Shepard was nearing the end of her rope.  An hour was nowhere near enough time to make preparations for this mission.  She needed to look over any intel, don her armor, check weapons, brief her team...she had absolutely no time to waste.  She pulled Liara off of the desk and, with her cock still throbbing with every step, they ran for the lift.

"Shepard, you still -"  Liara began.

"I know," Shepard practically moaned.  "We don't have time to so much as breathe right now.  We don't have the luxury of Hackett briefing us en route.  There's too much to get done."

Liara knew Shepard's sanity was hanging by a thread.  She resolved to avoid even the slightest hint of innuendo, lest she end up with an embarrassing problem.  She had bought the new addition for fun, but now she felt sorry for her lover.  She could sense Shepard's discomfort.  She wanted to help, but she knew that any physical contact right now would probably be a very bad idea.

Hearing her thoughts, Shepard replied through the link, _{please don't.  I can't handle it right now.}_

Liara just looked at her sympathetically.

 

*     *     *

 

The mission was mercifully short.  The intel they had gathered the first time they were on Eden Prime had given the resistance the upper hand, but Cerberus responded with several Atlas mechs and an entire platoon of engineers with turrets.  Shepard, who had long since moved beyond frustration and into blind fury, took every member of her ground crew and flanked the Cerberus forces.  They had focused on the Atlases first, taking out the heavy firepower, before moving on to the turrets.  As soon as the turrets were taken out, Shepard dropped into her battle trance and tore off through the battlefield, her biotic charge leaving trails of bright blue energy streaking behind her.  She'd kill a mercenary at one corner and be off to the opposite side of the field before anyone knew she'd been there.

The team was back on the shuttle within an hour and stepping onto the Normandy shortly thereafter.  Shepard turned to Garrus.

"You have the ship," Shepard ordered.

"Shepard, I really -"

"I don't want to hear it, Vakarian," Shepard spat, holding up a hand to cut him off.  "We have an ETA of, what...twenty-four hours to the Far Rim?  I am not to be disturbed.  I don't care if the goddamned Reapers find us.  I will be in my cabin, the door will be locked, and my comm will be shut off.  I am leaving the mission report to you and you will have command of the Normandy until I tell you otherwise.  Is that understood?"

Her orders must have been more forceful than intended, because Garrus didn't say a word.  He nodded quickly in acknowledgement and watched her stalk off to the lift.  Liara was hot on her heels and Garrus could likely have guessed easily what they were headed off to, but nobody was brave enough to say it aloud.  Even James kept his mouth shut.

It was all Shepard could do to stay still in the lift.  The fear of the lift stopping for another member of the crew was the only thing that kept her rooted in place.  Once the doors opened to her cabin entry, her final thread of control snapped, and she picked up Liara and pinned her against the wall next to the door.

She finally broke away from Liara's lips long enough to speak.  "EDI, cut off all access to my quarters," Shepard ordered breathlessly as Liara nipped at an earlobe and latched onto her neck.  "Don't even allow the lift to stop at my level.  I am not to be interrupted for anything.  XO Vakarian is in command until further notice."

"Understood, Commander," EDI replied.

Shepard carried Liara through the door, down the steps, and over to the bed.  She set her down and they started removing each other's armor, fumbling all over the place, at times nearly breaking latches in their rush to shed any barrier between their skin.  Liara finally got Shepard's chestplate off and followed it quickly with her BDU shirt and compression shirt and bra. 

"I think we're starting off a little too slow," Shepard panted, aware that she was still fully clothed from the waist down.  Her cock was rippling, screaming to be freed.

"I don't think either of us wants to explain to Cortez why we need new armor right now," Liara breathed, letting Shepard remove her chestplate and shirt.

"No, we don't," Shepard replied, crashing into Liara's lips again as she reached for the straps on her own leg plates.  In a single deft movement she shed the offending pieces, then sat down to remove the boots.  Liara beat her to it, hitting her knees and shucking them off one at a time before reaching up to yank Shepard's compression shorts off.

Shepard heaved a sigh of relief as her cock was finally met with cool air.  She laid on her back for a moment and let her body breathe while Liara finished undressing herself.  Liara was just about to remove her own compression shorts when Shepard started pulling her onto the bed.  Confident there would be no further interruptions, they didn't bother with the sheets.  Both wanted an unobstructed view of the other.  Liara laid on her back and let Shepard kiss her way down her body, their passion still present, only lowered to a simmering boil.  Shepard's hands and mouth were everywhere, moving in sync, lighting a fiery trail down Liara's torso.  Shepard gave a teasing, lingering kiss between Liara's hipbones and then started removing her shorts, enjoying the view.  Her clit jumped against the sensory plate; she badly wanted to dive back onto Liara's body, but that would have been insensitive.  She knew Liara had never done anything like this before and she wanted to make sure she was ready.

Shepard kissed a trail along her inner thigh.  She needed to coax out just a little more wetness before she could even think of burying herself in that burning silk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The toy referenced here is the brainchild of Rae D Magdon. That woman is the reason why I will never write smut; I'll never compare. The specific work I drew from can be found here:
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/1087495/chapters/2188235


	22. Outcast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quarian politics cause serious problems.

Liara joined Specialist Traynor in the CIC to monitor the progress of the team as they breached the Geth dreadnought. She wasn't happy about being left on the Normandy, but she completely understood Shepard's reasons. Tali was needed for her expertise on the Geth, and Garrus had overload capabilities that would provide further advantage over the synthetics. Biotics wouldn't help nearly as much as their skills. Her driving need to always be at Shepard's side wasn't an excuse to leave without the tools she really needed, and as Liara had watched the team disappear into the airlock, she reminded herself that this was the best way for Shepard to return safely.

The mission hit its first snag as Shepard was making her way down the damaged docking tube toward the dreadnought.  The tube began to fall apart, separating Garrus and Tali from Shepard; Liara shut her eyes but willed herself to remain expressionless as she listened to Shepard toss out ideas for entering the enemy ship alone.  She only barely heard Shepard mention that she had no intention of finishing the mission alone and that her first priority was to get her team in through another docking tube; her mind immediately wandered to the worst-case scenario and she hung on every word.

Tali pulled up the schematics and talked Shepard through finding an undamaged docking tube and Liara listened to them banter as sounds crossed over of Shepard climbing over wreckage.  It seemed to take forever before Shepard finally mentioned finding the docking area, Joker maneuvered to it, and the sound of the Normandy docking with something solid rang through the bridge and the CIC.  Finally, it sounded like the team was back together.

Garrus.  "See any action?"

Shepard.  "Not yet, but we'll find it soon enough!"

Silence fell once again.  Tali broke through a couple of doors and led them to the main battery, where they found unexpected new weapons.

Garrus.  "GARDIAN antifighter lasers.  Looks like they've lifted ultraviolet frequencies from the Salarians."

Shepard suddenly wished that she had no scruples to stop her from stealing the technology rather than obtaining it by honest means.  "That's expensive tech.  Prohibitively expensive.  If it wouldn't risk a new conflict to do so, I'd have done the same thing.  It certainly gives the Geth an edge."

Tali.  "When the fleet attacked, those lasers carved right through our ships". 

Shepard.  "Let's move.  We need to get to the ops center before they lose more."

Seconds later, the warning that Liara dreaded.  "Geth incoming!"

Tali's shout was all business.  Nobody doubted the team's ability to fight, but Liara felt helpless listening from the CIC.  The comm didn't pass along every sound as it was activated by voice, but whenever a member of the team spoke Liara and Traynor could hear shooting and explosions in the background.

"Where are all of them coming from?  I didn't hear an alarm!"  Shepard's words were punctuated by the sound of hard rounds pinging off of the metal surfaces around her.

Tali.  "They're Geth!  They automatically alerted every unit on this ship!  We need to get to the ops center before we're boxed in!"

Liara kept reminding herself that Shepard, Garrus, and Tali had been fighting together for a long time and were more than capable.

More sounds of rounds firing as Shepard stated the obvious.  "They're throwing their lives away!"

Tali's response did nothing to allay Liara's worry.  "Networked intelligence!  As we kill them, their attacks become more aggressive!"

Garrus.  "Then disable their shields, and don't give them time to recharge!"

Liara felt a sudden stab of pain run from the bottom of her foot all the way to her right hip, and her steely front cracked - especially when Garrus sounded far too close to panicked.

"Shepard!"  Definitely Garrus.  Something was wrong.  "Tali, cover us!"

 

*     *     *

 

Garrus dragged Shepard behind cover, unsure if she was even going to be responsive.  A strange sound - a lot like a flashbang grenade arming - had sounded one second before an explosion had blown Shepard clear of the walkway and far from cover.  The armor plating on her left leg smoked, but Garrus could hear her suit's medigel dispenser engaging.

"Shepard, can you hear me?"

Shepard silently checked to make sure her limbs were present and working before she responded.  "I can hear you.  My right ear is ringing, but I can hear you.  What was that?"

Tali finished off the last of the current wave of Geth and turned to her teammates.  "It looks like the Geth are using all kinds of new technology.  I'm pretty sure that was a trip mine, maybe a pressure mine."

Shepard sat up slowly, testing her body's reaction.  "Did anyone see anything that could help us spot them in the future?"

Garrus pulled out his sniper rifle, sighted down the catwalk, and peered through his scope.  "I see a couple of small flashing lights down our path that might be a clue.  Try a shockwave, Shepard.  See what it kicks up."

Shepard refused help and pulled herself to her feet, willing herself not to show the weakness she briefly felt.  She took a deep cleansing breath, reared back, and tossed out a shockwave.  The action caused two explosions far more powerful than anything her shockwave should have been able to produce.  "Holy shit."

"Whatever they are, they're very small, so we have to watch our step," Garrus growled.  "Keep an eye out for flashing red sensors on the floor.  Shepard, that shockwave will come in handy."

 

*     *     *

 

Liara heaved a sigh of relief as she felt the pain ebb almost as quickly as it had hit her.  It meant that Shepard's suit was still working.  When Shepard had finally spoken, she sounded pained but she was speaking intelligibly.  As long as she was able to talk, stand, and use her biotics, she was okay.  Liara bit down on her emotions, knowing full well that if she didn't keep control of herself now Shepard would never allow her to listen at Traynor's station again.  Control was paramount in a situation like this - it was important for the crew to remain calm, and if Liara wasn't, they wouldn't be able to operate as the well-oiled machine that they needed to be.

Shepard.  "Shit.  The signal is running through all Geth processes.  The Reapers have complete control."

Tali.  "We've tried jamming it, hacking it, even piggybacking garbage data to try to corrupt it.  Nothing worked."

Garrus called over from another terminal that sent vital data to Traynor's terminal.  "I found sensor data.  Any word on how the Quarians are doing?"

Traynor gave an uncharacteristic response.  "The Migrant Fleet is taking heavy losses.  It looks like the Geth have set up a planetary defense cannon.  It's causing major destruction in the fleet."

Shepard.  "Is there anything we can do to help them?"

Tali.  "All we can do is make their sacrifice worthwhile."

Another long silence followed.  The only evidence of their progress was the occasional ping of new information on Traynor's terminal.  The Specialist ran each packet through decryption programs as soon as she got them.  At this, Liara could only think that the lack of verbal communication could only be a positive thing.

No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than she heard Tali again.  "The hunters are moving in!  We have to be careful not to let them flank us!"

Another long silence.  This time, knowing that there was a fight going on, Liara could only lean forward on the railing and listen.

Garrus.  "Watch your six, there's one hunter still active!"

Finally, Tali.  "I think that's the last of them.  Let's see if the console is still operational."

Liara released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.  More silence.

After several minutes, Tali cursed.  "They've locked down the Reaper signal.  We can't shut it down from here!  We have to find a way to the drive core.  That's where the signal is originating from."

Garrus.  "There's just one problem."

Shepard.  "Lay it on me."

Traynor nearly turned purple stifling a laugh.

Tali answered for him.  "The Geth have sealed off all of the emergency passages to block us off.  We need to find a route to the drive core that can't be blocked - a path that runs the length of the ship."

Shepard.  "What about the main battery?"

Tali.  "That could work." 

Shepard.  "But...?"

"The Geth still have us locked in here."

That revelation made Liara and Traynor exchange a look.

Tali.  "They've blocked all high-level processes.  What we need is a ship-wide emergency...like a fire!"

Shepard.  "What about the heat diffusion system?"

"WAIT!"  Tali's voice was excited, as if she'd just discovered a major advancement on the Normandy's FTL drive.  "If I faked a thermal warning, it would force the maintenance passages open for emergency venting!"

"Tali, you're a genius!"

"I thought you'd like that.  I already have it primed!"

That was the last Liara heard for nearly a full minute.  She knew too well that if more Geth had walked in, sixty seconds would be an eternity for the team.  She subconsciously held her breath again, at least until something knocked the wind from her lungs.

"Shepard, hunter!"

Garrus' warning came in time to coincide with a growl of pain from Shepard.  Tali and Garrus were unintelligible after that, their hollering overlapping and mingling with the sounds of a fierce firefight.  Nobody could make sense of the noise for several minutes.  The pain in Liara's chest gradually eased, letting her breathe again.  The noise over the comm faded into individual voices, finally ending in Tali announcing that they were clear.

Shepard was still panting when she responded.  "Let's get to that maintenance shaft before more reinforcements arrive."

Liara wasn't used to the lack of banter.  By now, Shepard would be cracking jokes; the lack of back-and-forth made Liara worry that something else was wrong.  She asked Traynor if the comm was still working, to which Traynor responded in the affirmative.  This new silence stretched on interminably, without even the odd notification of new information from Shepard's omni-tool.

Tali finally cursed.  "The planetary cannon just took down Admiral Koris's ship!  Admiral Raan says that escape pods launched, but they've had no contact yet."

"Put her through to my comm," Shepard ordered.  She waited for the connection to click through.  "This is Shepard."

"This is Raan.  The heavy fleet is collapsing.  I don't know how much longer we can hold out."

"We'll have the Reaper signal deactivated shortly, Admiral."

Another long silence was punctuated by a shout from Shepard.  "Watch out for those shockwaves!  That's a big gun!"

Garrus.  "I'd hate to be in front of that Bastard!"

Tali.  "INCOMING!!!  We should be okay if we stay in cover!"

Traynor turned to Liara.  "Isn't cover a given right now?"

Liara sighed heavily.  "I would hope so!"

The comm erupted again, verbal cues half-drowned by the sounds of battle.  Just as suddenly as it all began, it stopped, punctuated by Garrus' shout that he'd found the deactivation panel.  A couple of minutes of quiet later, and Garrus shouted another warning.

"We need to get out of this gun...it's coming back online!"

Shepard.  "MOVE!  MOVE!  MOVE!"

Garrus.  "We cut that one a little close."

Liara breathed again.

Another exhaustingly long silence followed.  Every muscle in Liara's body tensed, waiting for something that told her what was going on.  _I hate being on this side of a mission._

Shepard.  "This is definitely Reaper tech."

 

*     *     *

 

The enclosure around the source of the signal peeled back like the petals on an insidious flower to reveal a familiar figure.  It was a Geth platform with pieces of N7 armor bolted to its chassis.

_Legion._

"Shepard-Commander!  Help us!"

Garrus crossed his arms as he looked up at the old ally.  "It's good to see you, Legion.  We'll have you out of there in no time."

"Shepard," Tali stopped her.  "The Geth are being controlled by the Reaper signal."

Shepard nodded and gestured at the source.  "Right.  This thing."

Tali stepped forward and lowered her voice.  "For all we know, Legion is with them!  It might have sided with the Reapers voluntarily.  It might have been hacked."

"Legion helped us fight the Reapers before," Shepard disagreed.  "There's no way it would have ever agreed to this."

"Your caution is understandable.  Once freed, we will submit to any restraints you deem necessary."

Tali turned back to face Legion.  "I never thought I'd say this, but...it's good to see you again."

"Likewise, Creator Zorah."

Shepard began examining the pod that held Legion, his extremities splayed in restraint.  "What is this thing?"

"It uses our networking architecture to broadcast the Old Machine command signal to all Geth simultaneously."

"Then freeing you will shut off the Reaper signal?"

"You cannot simply remove the restraints.  We are secured via hardware blocks nearby that shackle our operating protocols.  The hardware blocks are on the far side of the room.  Deactivation should be simple.  The Geth protected them against viral attack, not physical removal."

Shepard gave the silent command for Tali and Garrus to begin searching in different areas, and they moved while Shepard talked.  "How'd the Reapers get control of the Geth?"

"They did not.  The creators attacked.  The Geth wished to live.  The Old Machines extended an offer."

"So we went to that station and rewrote the Heretics for what...nothing?"

"Negative.  You successfully rewrote the Heretics.  The decision to ally with the Old Machines was difficult.  Had the creators not attacked, it would not have been necessary."

Garrus shook his head.  "I hate to say it, but it sounds like they only joined the Reapers because the Quarians attacked."

"Nothing excuses an alliance with the Reapers," Tali shot back.  "They could've found another way."

"Some would say the same thing about the Turians curing the genophage and allying with the Krogan."

Tali stopped in her tracks and cursed again.  "I begged them to negotiate rather than attack."

"I got it!"

Shepard's triumphant call brought Tali out of her funk.  "Tali'Zorah to fleet.  The signal is about to go offline."

 

*     *     *

 

Liara smiled at Traynor again at the sound of Tali's transmission.

Admiral Han'Gerrel broke in.  "We are in your debt."

Legion could be heard speaking, but his words couldn't be made out.  Suddenly, Tali's voice came over the comm.

"Keelah!"

This time, Legion's voice could be heard clearly.  "As a gesture of cooperation, we have disabled the dreadnought's drive core.  All weapons and barriers are offline.  ALERT...Geth reinforcements incoming."

Admiral Xen.  "The Geth fleet is destabilized.  The signal is offline."

Admiral Raan.  "Civilian fleet, prepare to withdraw.  The Patrol Fleet will cover you once the Heavy Fleet is in position.  Whenever you're ready, Admiral Gerrel."

Liara could hear snippets of another firefight in between transmissions from the Quarians.

Admiral Raan.  "Admiral Gerrel, what are you doing?"

Admiral Gerrel.  "Raan, check your screens.  That dreadnought is helpless!  No barriers, and the main gun is offline.  We can remove their flagship if we strike now!"

Those words made everyone in the CIC stop what they were doing and stand up straight.  They could scarcely believe what they were hearing...a Quarian Admiral suggesting a strike on the very ship Commander Shepard's team was on, including Admiral Tali'Zorah.  Liara felt dizzy as the words sank in.

Admiral Raan.  "Damn it, this is our chance to withdraw the Civilian Fleet safely!"

Tali.  "What are you talking about?  We're still on board!"

Admiral Gerrel.  "We can't waste this chance.  Heavy Fleet, move forward.  Take out that dreadnought."

Liara sprinted for the cockpit and cursed the new door installed as she waited for it to open.  She found herself face-to-face with Kaidan Alenko.  He pushed past her and ran in long strides back to Traynor's comm terminal, hitting the switch to open a channel.  The warning bell sounded to silence the CIC and the bridge.

"Admiral Han'Gerrel, this is Major Kaidan Alenko, acting XO of the SSV Normandy.  Our Commander is still on board the Geth ship with friendlies.  If you fire on it now, you will kill them.  Stand down immediately!"

Admiral Raan.  "Patrol Fleet, hold your position!"

Admiral Gerrel.  "You do that, and the Heavy Fleet will be wiped out!  If we die, a simple retreat won't save you from the Geth response!"

Admiral Raan.  "Damn you, Gerrel."

Tali.  "Damn it, what are they doing?"

Liara stared hard at Kaidan.  Kaidan stared at the terminal.  The crew watched their XO.  The tension was palpable.  At the silent signal of one of the operations specialists, Kaidan hit the mute.

"Sir, the Quarian Heavy Fleet is not backing down," the young Specialist yelled to make sure he was understood from across the CIC.  "They are preparing to open fire!"

Admiral Raan.  "Patrol Fleet, flanking support on the Heavy Fleet."

Kaidan released the mute button.  "Admiral Han'Gerrel, this will be your only warning.  If you take action against the enemy ship with our crew still aboard, it will be viewed as an act of hostility against the Alliance!"

Admiral Gerrel.  "I am sorry, Major, but the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.  All ships...open fire!"

Legion.  "Shepard-Commander.  The creator fleet is firing on this vessel.  Without barriers, this ship will be destroyed.  We must evacuate."

"Shepard to Normandy.  Move out of the dock and get the ship and crew to safety.  We'll get to the escape pods!"

Legion.  "Geth transmit intelligences via remote signal.  We do not use escape pods."

Shepard.  "Suggestions?"

Legion.  "Geth fighters are docked in the port side fighter bay.  We can pilot a fighter to safety."

"SHEPARD TO FLEET!  HOLD FIRE!  I REPEAT, HOLD FIRE!"

Tali.  "They're not responding!"

Shepard let loose a string of expletives.

Kaidan shut off the comm link to the Migrant Fleet and started barking orders.  "COMM!  Send a message to Admiral Han'Gerrel and warn him that we are about to treat his ship as a hostile target!  WEAPONS!  Ready the Thannix cannons and prepare to fire on my signal!  JOKER!  Move us into position to intercept the Admiral's vessel!  SHOW THAT SON OF A BITCH WE MEAN BUSINESS!"

The CIC sprang to life again as everyone worked feverishly to do as asked.  Nobody believed what they were about to do.  Liara steeled herself next to Traynor, praying to Athame that this didn't end the way it sounded like it would.

Legion's voice came over the comm.  "Shepard-Commander, we have taken control of the docking protocols.  We can only launch from the upper levels."

Garrus.  "They're closing the door!"

Tali.  "We're losing environmental fields!"

Shepard.  "Double-time!"

Traynor broke in.  "Normandy to Shepard.  We're reading a loss of gravity.  Are you alright?"

Shepard.  "We're fine.  We're leaving in a Geth fighter.  Don't fire on us!"

Kaidan opened the comm channel to the Heavy Fleet again.  "Normandy to Admiral Han'Gerrel.  Our people are escaping in a Geth fighter.  If you fire on that vessel, I will be forced to destroy yours.  I repeat, if you take any further hostile action against Commander Shepard and her team, we will fire on you!"

 

*     *     *

 

Steve Cortez watched in awe as a sight appeared before him, something he never thought he'd see.  A geth fighter swooped into the Normandy's cargo bay and landed.  When the doors opened, Shepard, Tali, and Garrus all piled out, relieved to be aboard the Normandy.  Behind them, another sight that made Cortez freeze in his tracks: a Geth, walking on his own power.  Campbell and Westmoreland both leveled their rifles at the machine.  Nobody had been warned and nobody knew why it was on the ship.

"Stand down!"  Shepard ordered.  "This is Legion.  He's an ally."

As she spoke, Liara emerged from the lift with Kaidan.  Shepard caught sight of her promised and knew that she was barely controlled.  She allowed Liara to cut everyone else off as the Asari walked right up and scanned her with her omni-tool.

"You need medical attention," Liara declared, her voice strained.

"It can wait," Shepard replied.  Her response was not harsh or angry; it was surprisingly tempered with compassion, and the emotion that flowed through the link told Liara that Shepard meant what she was saying.  _{I have to take care of something right now, but I promise, as soon as I face the Admiralty, I will go with you to the medbay without question.}_

As Shepard spoke through the link, Liara's eyes ran over her scorched, dented armor.  It looked as if she'd been strapped to a wall and blasted repeatedly by a Geth rocket trooper.  Liara schooled her expression and nodded, stepping back.

Kaidan snapped to attention and saluted sharply, his face a mask of anger.  Shepard returned the salute.  "Have the Admirals been brought on board?"

"They're coming through the airlock as we speak," Kaidan replied.

Shepard pushed past him and marched for the lift.  She was joined by Kaidan, Liara, and Tali.  "Garrus, help Legion get settled in.  Tali will be on her way to help Cortez break down that fighter momentarily."

Garrus nodded.  "Aye, aye."

Moments later, the lift opened to the CIC.  The crew were visibly happy to see the Commander back in one piece.  Shepard never broke her stride; she marched to the now-defunct security checkpoint, through the conference room, and back to the war room.  As she skipped the three steps to the lower level she locked eyes with Admiral Gerrel and zeroed in on his position.

Admiral Raan was still speaking as the group entered the room.  "Your unilateral strike endangered us all.  I should charge you with treason!"

"I was within my authority as admiral of the Heavy Fleet!  The mission parameters changed!"  Gerrel caught sight of Shepard and spoke to her.  "Shepard, you're military.  You understand that!"

Shepard never stopped.  She actually picked up speed as she stepped into Gerrel and propelled her armored fist into his gut, folding him in half and knocking the air from his lungs.  "I understand that you wasted your chance to withdraw safely!"

Everyone stared in shock as Shepard stood over the man, seething with rage.  What seemed to be yet another eternity passed before Gerrel spoke in short gasps.  "The dreadnought...was a...perfect...target!"

Shepard had absolutely no compassion for him.  She bent low enough to make sure he could hear, but her position still towered above him menacingly.  "Admiral...you endangered your people and the mission.  Get the hell off my ship."

Admiral Raan had taken a step back, but squared her shoulders nonetheless.  "Shepard, I understand you're angry -"

Shepard turned her withering glare on Raan.  She didn't care that the woman had tried to stop the attack.  "If I didn't need your fleet..."

Tali heard the threat coming and interrupted.  "He nearly got us killed, Raan."

"You must understand," Raan all but pleaded, still refusing to give up her dignity.  "The Geth inflicted heavy casualties before you disabled the signal."

"I understand that you made every attempt you could to stop that insanity," Shepard rumbled.  "I also understand that because of the petty politics and disagreements, my team nearly died on that ship.  What Han'Gerrel did would, under normal circumstances, be considered an act of war against the Alliance - not to mention the Turian heirarchy.  Right now, the Migrant Fleet is damn lucky that we're occupied with a much more dangerous enemy, otherwise you would find yourself in another war!"

Liara, plastered to Shepard's side, laid a hand on her back.  {Breathe, Alex.  I know you're angry and you need to assert your position as a leader, but you're walking a fine line right now.  We still need the Quarians.}

Shepard took a deep breath, clamped her eyes shut momentarily, then let the air out of her lungs slowly.  Her expression gave away her simmering anger, but she spoke much more carefully.  She opened her eyes and stared unflinchingly at Raan.

"There is no more discussion to be had.  Admiral Han'Gerrel is at the top of my shit list.  I will not deal with him except to employ violence and eliminate him with prejudice if he ever threatens my people or the mission again.  I don't care what his reasons are.  I strongly suggest you join him and the rest of the Admiralty in discussing our next steps, because they are vital."

Admiral Raan nodded her understanding.  Admiral Xen made clear that she wanted to speak, but Raan cut her off and the pair left.  At that, Liara took Shepard by the arm and gently directed her back to the lift.  She was not about to listen to any further arguments.  Fortunately, Shepard gave no argument, going willingly, having not forgotten her promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay. Life and all.
> 
> My next project in this fandom is set in the future - Shepard, now two centuries older, has retired from military service and while she retains her Spectre status, she no longer runs missions for the Council. She lives with Liara on the country estate and they have two daughters. When one of the last of her oldest friends dies, she ends up pressed into service again to stop an unprecedented threat.
> 
> What do you think? Should I finish it? It wouldn't be posted until this work is finished. All feedback, as always, is welcome.


	24. Oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is still angry, but they need the Quarians - and the Geth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been a ridiculously long time, but I kinda got stuck. I haven’t forgotten this.

The mission to aid the Quarians in taking back Rannoch was not something Shepard had wanted to get involved in.  Their war with the Geth had rather unfortunate timing.

Or so she thought.

after finding Legion plugged into a hub server on a Geth dreadnought, Shepard had discovered that the Quarian attack on Rannoch had driven the Geth to take drastic action: a portion of the Geth collective rewrote their code and rejoined the Reapers.  It was a tactical choice for survival.  Only one of the Quarian admirals has been open to the possibility that the Geth hadn’t been at fault for the rift between creator and creation.  The Quarians now living had been raised to believe that the Geth has achieved sentience entirely on their own and had risen against their creators to expel them from their home world with no provocation, leaving them adrift in space, scavenging to survive.

When Shepard had met Legion shortly before going to take down the Collectors, she got her first hint that the story everyone had been told wasn’t entirely accurate.  After the admirals had made a string of decisions that nearly killed her crew Shepard had begun to suspect that Han’Gerrel, at the very least, knew.  Now, as she walked back on board the Normandy, she knew for certain that he’d attacked the Geth dreadnought with her inside on purpose.

Shepard pulled her helmet off and shook out her hair, sweat flying from her soaked blonde locks.  The move unwittingly sprayed Vega, who flinched slightly.

”Wow,” Vega whistled.  “I’m wearing the sweat of the great Commander Shepard.  I may never shower again!”

”locked in that armor with your own B.O.?”  Garrus chuckled.  “You have fun with that.”

”Hey, I’ve been blessed!”  Vega joked.  “This is better than that time Tali thought she saw Shepard’s face in her soup!”

”True story,” Tali quipped.

”I just got my Commander Shepard pajamas,” Steve Cortez cracked as the crew finally walked toward the lift.

”I’ve got my Commander Shepard cereal,” Garrus added.  “Dextro-friendly, because Shepard loves everybody!”

”I heard that Liara wears Commander Shepard panties,” Tali continued.

”Nah,” Vega shook his head with a mischievous grin.  “That was just a rumor.  Doctor T’Soni doesn’t wear panties.”

”Vega, do I need to kick your ass again?” Shepard warned.

”You can kick my ass any time, Lola,” Vega chortled.  “Just let me take holos so I can show my grandkids!”

”No, see, you should get another tattoo, Vega,” Garrus intoned as they filed into the newly-arrived lift.  “A print of Shepard’s boot on your right ass cheek.”

”Damn, that’s a good one!” Vega guffawed.

”Suck it, Vakarian,” Shepard glowered.  “This boy needs no encouragement.”

”Oh, but it’s so much fun,” Garrus laughed.

When the lift stoped at the crew deck, everyone filed out.  Practically on autopilot Shepard turned toward Dr. Alani’s Office.  The door slipped shut behind her and she looked up to see Liara sitting comfortably in a chair next to the ship’s counselor.

”When you plugged into the Geth mainframe I felt it,” Liara said almost apologetically.

”You felt it?” Shepard repeated, puzzled.  “I’m not sure I really felt anything.  Well, my nose tingled, but other than that...”

”Your nose tingled?” Liara giggled.

”You know,” Shepard remarked as she dropped into the remaining chair.  “That feeling you get when someone smacks you in the back of the head?”

”That makes your nose tingle?” Liara chuckled.

”Okay, maybe that’s just a human thing,” Shepard muttered.

“Why did you plug yourself into the Geth mainframe?” Dr. Alani asked, redirecting the conversation.

”Legion needed to show me something,” Shepard sighed.  “The Geth are not the villains we’ve been led to believe.  Not by a long shot.”

Liara’s jaw dropped.  “Show me.”

Dr. Alani slowly initiated a meld with the pair, facilitating a replay of everything Shepard had seen.

 

*     *     *

 

Tali was confused.  All her life, she’d Been taught that her people had been violently expelled for no viable reason.  Rannoch had been lost because the Geth were able to make themselves sentient and rose up against their innocent creators.  The cause of her people was just, they’d said - and one day they would see their homeworld again.

Everything she’d ever known had just been upended.  Shepard, her friend and Captain for some time, the woman who had taken her under wing and taught fighting and strategy, had discovered another side to the 300-year-old struggle.  It did not paint a pretty picture.

Tali’Zorah had joked with her squadmates upon returning to the Normandy.  She tried to keep her spirits up.  As she exited the lift in the CIC and turned toward the aft of the ship - where Admiral Raan was firmly entrenched - her mind turned into a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

A familiar voice brought her back to the present.  “Tali?  Are you alright?”

Tali turned to Shala’Raan.  “What really happened with the Geth, Auntie Raan?”

”What do you mean?” Raan queried.

”I have always been told that the Geth found sentience on their own,” Tali replied.  “That their own actions led to their rebellion.  Is that the truth?”

”Why would you ask such a question?” Raan asked, sounding wounded.

”Shepard was able to enter the Geth collective,” Tali said.  She slowly descended the steps and moved to stand directly in front of her family’s oldest friend.  “Their side of the story is very different.  We gave them sentience.  Then we tried to shut them off.  They wanted to live.”

”Would you truly believe those machines over the history of your own people?” Raan sounded absolutely scandalized.

”The Geth May be sentient, but I doubt they have concocted such a grand story for entertainment,” Tali challenged.  “We could lose everything if the truth were known.”

”Such as?” Raan retorted.

”The one thing that remains completely and universally illegal in Council space is experimentation with artificial intelligence,” Tali replied.  “Discovery of the Geth being the total creation of the Quarians could bring crippling sanctions down on us.  Our refugee status could be revoked, aid from Council races would dry up, and we would have no support in retaking the homeworld!”

”We already have no support,” Raan hissed.

Just then, Shepard arrived.  “If it weren’t for the intel I’ve retrieved, that statement would be true,” she growled.  She was still in her armor and Liara was ever present, barely two steps behind.  “I would pull chocks and hit FTL before you had time to wonder what was going on.  As it is, there’s a serious problem on the planet’s surface, and I can’t leave it the way it is.”

”Captain Shepard,” Raan greeted the Commander by a rank above her station, as all Quarians did.  “What have you found?”

”There is a base about a hundred klicks from the ruins of the Quarian Capitol,” Shepard announced.  She worked the haptic interface until a three-dimensional schematic of the base appeared on the holo.  “Most of the main structure is Quarian, although it has been heavily altered by the Geth.  The Reapers are broadcasting their signal from this base.”

”With the cannons offline it should be safe to approach the base,” Raan thought aloud.  “Do we know what kind of defenses are on site?”

”Heavily fortified by multiples of every known Geth combat platform,” Shepard replied.  “Including primes.  This is an extremely high-value target. All hands on deck.”

”You’re going now?” Raan said incredulously.

”The Geth haven’t had time to recover from the destruction of the virus in their operating code,” Shepard replied.  “Now is our best shot.  The longer we wait, the closer we get to this mission becoming impossible.”

”I will coordinate the fleet response,” Raan promised.

Tali followed Shepard and Liara out of the room, mentally promising to finish the discussion later.   _If we take Rannoch, we are going to need all the help we can get rebuilding,_ she thought.   _If it is true that we are responsible for the Geth becoming self-aware, then we have to be prepared for anything the Council decides._

 

*     *     *

 

Two short hours later, Shepard and the entire ground crew was sweeping the Geth base.  Their movements were methodical; Tali would hack rocket troops for help while the rest of the crew picked off distracted attackers.  Pyro troops would appear briefly but were mercifully susceptible to small-arms fire.  The major problem came when Shepard activated the override panel.  Three Geth primes came up from the lift, cannons and missile drones rapidly driving everyone to cover.  It had taken a great deal of coordination and slow fighting, but they’d been able to beat back the giant killers and Shepard and Tali returned to the panel.

”It shouldn’t take long,” Tali said, going to work on her omni-tool.  “The reaper signal is originating from under the platform at the edge of the walkway.  I’ll open the blast doors so we can destroy whatever is down there.”

Shepard, Vega, Garrus, and Liara made their way to the edge of the walkway.  Shepard twitched her chin upward at Vega; in response, he pulled a large rifle-type device from the lower hardpoint on the back of his armor and handed it to her.  Shepard switched the device on and allowed it to power up.  A few seconds later the blast doors opened and Shepard aimed the device into the cavernous blackness of the hole below.

”Shepard to Normandy,” she called.  “Are you receiving targeting coordinates?”

“Affirmative,” came EDI’s reply.

”Fire,” Shepard ordered.

Seconds ticked by.  It felt too long.  Finally, Shepard heard the whine of a missile careening from the sky.  She listened to it draw closer until it screamed past the crew, through the hole, and exploded.  The walkway shuddered beneath their feet but there was a surprising lack of smoke above ground.  She stared down into the pit, wondering how deep it was to see little more than a tiny trail of smoke whisping upward.

Then she saw it.  The familiar glow of a Doomsday cannon.  It was quickly joined by the frightening hum of everyone’s worst nightmare.

”It’s an actual Reaper,” Shepard yelled.  “GO!  Everybody, DOUBLE TIME!”

Shepard tore off without a second thought, grateful to hear several sets of footfalls clanging and banging on the walkway behind her.  She ran as fast as her legs would move, never stopping to look back.  She could feel the rhythmic rumble of the massive ship stirring below ground.  Getting as far away as possible was priority number one, and she couldn’t hesitate.  Every life behind her counted on that.

she got close enough and took a flying leap into the back of the transport, skipping across the long back section and vaulting into the front seat.  Upon seeing a drive interface that wasn’t organic-friendly, she moved away from the driver’s seat.

”LEGION!”  Shepard bellowed.  He had already made his way to the driver’s side and quickly climbed in, losing no time interacting with the device.

”Oh, thank the Spirits,” Garrus loudly prayed.  “She’s not driving!”

Shepard turned to do a head count and was relieved to find Liara directly behind her.  Vega, EDI, Tali, Garrus, Jarvik, Alenko...the gang was fully accounted for.  “Everybody hang on!  We have to move and I don’t wanna lose anybody!”

Legion took off at a perfectly-measured rate of acceleration.  At nearly the same moment, the ghastly siren of the Reaper’s horn reverberated around the canyon.  Shepard stood in her seat, carefully braved herself against the frame, and raised the targeting laser.

”EDI, release targeting information to the Quarian fleet!”  Shepard ordered.  “I need all the firepower we have locked into this thing!”

”Aye, aye,” EDI replied.

a quick moment later, a welcome voice sounded over the comm.  “This is Han’Gerrel.  We are receiving the targeting signal, but it won’t hold steady!”

Shepard looked around and quickly found what she was looking for.  The canyon that the base had been built into was enormous, but there was a perfect spot from which to target the Reaper: a shelf overlooking a giant set of rock stairs with a wide-open view of their enemy.  There was plenty of room to run if she needed to get away from the cannon.

”Legion, drop me there!” Shepard yelled, pointing toward her objective.

Legion steered back around and and came to a halt at the top of the ridge.  Shepard jumped down and took one step before she “heard” Liara.

_{There has to be another way!}_

Shepard turned and locked eyes with her.  “Legion, get them to safety.”

She couldn’t afford to stop and talk.  There was a Reaper trying to kill them, and if they took the time to say goodbye it could end up costing the fleet.  She took up a position on the ridge and aimed right at the Doomsday cannon, painting it with the laser.  The cannon opened and began to fire, the giant red laser tearing a path from the canyon floor all the way up to the ridge.  It was as if the Reaper couldn’t actually see her exact location.

Shepard held her position as long as she dared.  When she could feel the heat of the beam, she broke off and ran, following the ridge until she was far enough to stop and take aim again.  The Reaper recovered quickly, but Shepard’s targeting laser locked in faster.

The fleet reacted quickly.  Shepard heard the order for all ships to open fire; the Reaper was hit by a massive volley of orbital fire, cutting off its cannon.  The beam clipped the ridge on which Shepard stood, and the ground beneath her began to give way.  One moment’s hesitation was all it took.  She looked down to see the top of the next step on the ridge.  

_Shit_ , she thought.   _That’s an awful lot further than I thought._

She tried to surf the debris, but ended up tangled in it.  She felt her stomach flutter as she free-fell for at least four seconds, fully expecting to be crushed.  She could hear the deafening blast of the Reaper’s call after landing and moved to stand - only to find her left leg pinned.  She looked up at the ship and saw it preparing to take off; rather than fighting to free herself, Shepard turned the targeting laser on her foe and held steady.  At first, it didn’t notice.  As soon as she heard the beeping of a lock, the Reaper stopped and turned back to her.

_This is it_ , Shepard thought.   _I can’t get away from it this time._

it happened in slow motion.  The Reaper turned.  The cannon began to glow, the fire.  Shepard took a breath and stared down the monster.   _Hold steady._  There was no rising panic, no pressing need to escape.  There was no escape to be had.  She’d always hoped that she would be prepared to look death in the face without flinching.  As the beam approached, she thought of the one person she wished she could live for.

_{I love you.}_

 

*     *     *

 

From their position in cover, Liara felt a sudden sense of peace and acceptance.  She was confused at first, but the truth quickly dawned on her.  The aches and pains she’d felt were from Shepard, and her liver was in a situation that her years of training and experience told her was inescapable.

”Legion, turn us around,” Liara commanded.

”Negative,” Legion replied.  “Shepard-Commander -“

”Is in danger!”  Liara cut him off.  “Take us back!”

”Legion, she’s right,” Garrus followed.  “If the Commander needs help, we’re the closest.”

Legion turned the transport and raced back to the ridge.  To Liara, every second that slipped by was an eternity.  She wanted to yell at Legion to go faster, but her logical mind knew he was already going as fast as he could.  As they approached, Liara could see a massive cloud of dust.  The Reaper dreadnought that had previously dominated the landscape now lay in a heap.  Liara reaches out for Shepard’s mind but found only hazy disbelief.  The crew reached their destination to find that most of the upper ridge was gone, collapsed around scorched troughs where the Doomsday cannon had cut into the rock face.  Shepard was nowhere to be seen.

”Shepard!”  Liara called, hoping to hear something.  The crew disembarked and everyone with an omni-tool activates then to begin searching.  

They carefully picked their way down the landslide until finally, Garrus’ omni-tool softly pinged.  “Over here!”  He called, instantly getting the attention of everyone nearby.  They all converged on his location, making sure not to trample the area.

”Everyone back!”  Liara yelled.  Her hands lit with the blue glow of her biotics and with a generous helping of concentration, she lifted a jaw-dropping layer of rock and dirt straight up.  She tossed it up and over, as far away from the crew as she could.

There, barely conscious but breathing, was Commander Shepard.

Everyone went to work, pulling rocks away to free her.  Once she was finally loose, Liara activated Shepard’s medi-gel dispenser.  Within a few seconds Shepard’s eyes shot open; she frantically looked around as she struggled to stand.

Liara helped her to her feet and held her steady.  “Everyone is safe.  The Reaper is down.  The mission is a success.”

”Shepard.”

A deep, digitally-tinged voice boomed throughout the canyon, making a liar out of Liara.  Shepard’s first step was a stumble but she made her way to the edge of the new ridge and faced her enemy.  Liara felt a swell of pride at the courage on display.  

“You know who I am?”  Shepard called.

”Harbinger speaks of you,” the Reaper rumbled.  “You resist, but you will fail.  The cycle must continue.”

”Bullshit.  We stopped Saren and the Geth.  We stopped Harbinger and the Collecters.  I think we’ve earned the right to know why you want to destroy us.”

”It is not a thing you can comprehend.”

”We might surprise you.”

”You represent chaos.  We represent order.  Every organic civilization must be harvested to bring order to the chaos.  It is inevitable.  Without our intervention, organically are doomed.  We are your salvation.”

”You’re killing people to save them?”

”The cycle must continue.  There is no alternative.”

”This is insane.  Organic sand synthetics don’t have to destroy each other!”

”The battle for this planet disproves your assertion.  Finish your war.  We will be waiting.”

With that, the cannon went dark and the ship slouched into the dirt.  Shepard swayed on her feet.  Liara wrapped both arms around her just before her strength failed.  She lowered Shepard to the ground and supported her with her own body as Legion approached.


End file.
